Young Writers Society

Hello! So, I have yet another English essay due Friday, and this here is a work in progress: Please comment, rite your thoughts, dislikes, etc! Note: It is far from finished, but I will continue to post as I get farther.


The concept of reality has posed as a cultural enigma for centuries, bringing to question the very essence of one’s existence, and possibly impinging on preconceived boundaries of life itself. The ability to discern between the truth and fiction is weakened by manipulation, setting many up as a vulnerable target for corruption. In both “Animal Farm” and “Gilgamesh” the characters are positioned by others at the threshold between illusion and reality, and are given the arduous task of determining in which world they are to live. This decision provides them with an apparition of free will despite their actual lack of control over the future. The deceitful nature of the choice exemplifies the manipulation shown throughout both works, and how it constructs the lives of the characters.
Through the act of manipulation, one has the opportunity to embark on a new reality, but doing so also entails the surrender of the rights to one’s destiny. In “Animal Farm,” the Animal Revolution allows the inhabitants of the farm to unite for the common cause of animal supremacy, but the animals quickly lose individual power as the idea of mass force is encouraged. According to “The Seven Commandments of Animalism,” “all animals are equal,” a right that both discourages favoritism and at the same time grossly combines each entity into one conglomerate being. The animals are reduced to the measure of their strength, used for the sole purpose of accomplishing work. In such a system, there is no place for the “individual,” as leaders would be unable to execute the same control over the group. Although the animals on the farm far outnumber the pigs, they lack the force to overthrow them due to the pigs’ brutal tactics, a representation of the vast distance their power encompasses. As the pigs become increasingly corrupt, they extinguish the individuality of the animals and any thoughts of rebellion through the act of starving their opposition, the hens (“Napoleon acted swiftly and 
ruthlessly. He ordered the hens' rations to be stopped, and decreed that any animal giving so much as a grain of corn to a hen should be punished 
by death”). In this scenario, the hens are the few souls brave enough to challenge authority and ultimately are martyrs for their cause. The fate of the animals had been sealed as early as when they encouraged the Animalist movement, reducing their lives to marionettes void of a self-determined future.
In the epic “Gilgamesh,” Gilgamesh seduces Enkidu with the revelries of civilization, or a life away from the forest, a temptation that offers adventure in exchange for his identity. Enkidu’s status as half-man, half- animal catches him between two contrasting worlds, allowing him to be easily coerced to join one or the other. In order to convince Enkidu to join the human world, Gilgamesh sends a prostitute who tells him about civilization. “Why do you still want to run with the animals? You are a human being now, not like them. You are like a god, like Gilgamesh. I will lead you to Uruk where you belong (page 20).” The prostitute forces Enkidu to become self-aware and disregard his ways of the forest for a stronger calling to Gilgamesh. By doing so, Enkidu relinquishes the animal portion of his identity and the power to decide his fate.
One’s reality is dependent upon the manipulations that created it, and the power of outside forces acting upon it. In such a world, constancy becomes an unachievable feat, as it is impossible to provide it in an environment that thrives on instability. This perpetual change provides for the success of the manipulator, as it allows him to be in control of the options given to others, and creates a “game” where only he knows the rules. In “Animal Farm,” the commandments of Animalism change corresponding to the capricious atmosphere, altering the lives of the animals they include. The pigs take advantage of the animals’ faith in their leader and exploit the very laws they originally created, exemplifying the inconsistency of manipulation. The rules have no meaning, but are reflections of the pigs’ growing gluttony and disregard for their subjects. The animals continue to perceive this distorted world as the original utopia that inspired them so long ago, and allow such malfeasance to dictate their lives.
Enkidu is Gilgamesh’s only link to a world unburdened by the forces of manipulation, and is also a major source of stability in his life. When he perishes during their adventure, Gilgamesh is forced back into a deceptive reality. Throughout the story, he slowly breaks away from this world and levels down to the unpleasant but true actualities of human-life, only to now be sent back to the same fallacy from which he came. Because Gilgamesh has no one to help him get through this trying time, he is apt to revert back to his old, sadistic ways, and lose his human emotions forever. Through all of the manipulations that he has endured, the only thing that has remained is him, a being so contorted by change that he possesses nothing but a vacant spirit.
Although reality varies from individual to individual, the ultimate test of its success is dependent upon whether or not one believes his reality to be the truth. This absolute confidence in what one believes to exist provides the fuel for manipulation, and allows leaders to gain control. In “Animal Farm,” the animals are shortsighted by the ideals of their utopian fantasy, and they refuse to recognize its flaws despite being assailed by signs of hazard. By playing to the animals’ fantasies, the pigs turn once free thinking individuals into mindless drones willing to do their bidding. The animals hope is possibly the most monumental manipulation of all, as it allows them to live in a world free of doubts and concerns, an existence based on ignorance. Is it more dangerous to ignore the truth or live with it? The animals have ample opportunity to recognize the dangers of their government system, yet they refuse to look beyond what appears to be reality. By ignoring the truth, they ultimately construct their own demise, as such a bubble cannot sustain itself forever. If the animals were to search for deeper meaning underneath their gilded portrayal of the truth, they could free themselves from such an impending doom. Sadly, they pursue this false sense of security, lulling themselves further and further into a labyrinth of manipulation, until the veracity in their lives is indistinguishable from the artificial.
Gilgamesh believes himself to be of a divine nature, and lives in a reality sheltered from the daily struggles of mankind. In his mind, this is the only truth to exist, as Gilgamesh believes merely in the countenance of his surroundings. This world is a series of manipulations in itself, as it exists for the sole purpose of keeping him happy. Gilgamesh’s satisfaction is required for such a place to sustain itself, and when he begins to doubt its authenticity, the fragile ties that held it together begin to unravel. What Gilgamesh longed for was companionship, a trait that his utopia had been unable to provide. “I have never known such weariness before, as if some life in me has disappeared or needs to be filled up again. I am alone and I have longed for some companionship (page 20).” By reaching out to Enkidu, Gilgamesh surrenders his own independence and destroys the carefully arranged fallacy he has known all of his life.
When the course of life is ordained by outside forces, it becomes impossible for one to retain the sense of self-determination that drives the human spirit. In such a case, the life of an individual is merely a barren void that others fill with a new portrayal of reality. Such manipulation depreciates the value of life itself, as it exists only through the power of those who create it. If one is not in control of one’s destiny, does he truly exist, or is he merely a reflection of a paramount entity? It can be argued that existing is merely the quality of having life, but if does not affect his destiny, his existence does not matter. Perhaps it is this lack of relevance that persuaded George Orwell and the author of “Gilgamesh” to write their works, and encourage readers to seize control from the powers that dictate their lives.

Hey bookworm, here's my look-over. Content wise I found it to be coherent and fine, my main questions are with style. I decided to not bubble the entire paper up because the same things were happening over and over, but they did diminish later on. Some of this can be attributed to perhaps my style is different from yours, or your teacher is expecting something I don't know. Hope this helps.

[I’ve gone and placed comments in parentheses besides parts of the essay throughout. Don’t worry about how many there are, most of the problems are purely your word choice and phrasing, very manageable to fix. You should probably have this open along with the document itself for easier editing. Let me know if you have any more questions!]

The concept of reality has posed as a cultural enigma for centuries (odd phrasing, “has posed as a” followed adjective and noun), bringing to question the very essence of one’s existence (wordy), and possibly impinging on preconceived boundaries of life itself (wordy again). The ability to discern between the truth and fiction(“the truth and fiction” sounds odd, use ‘illusion and reality’ like you do below) is weakened by manipulation, setting many (many what? Cars? Feet? Humans?) up as a vulnerable target for corruption (ok wording, but don’t pluralize and then make it singular with “as a” the a isn’t needed). In both “Animal Farm” and “Gilgamesh” the characters are positioned (they’re physical placed? doesn’t mean what you think) by others at the threshold between illusion and reality (strong, use that above), and are given the arduous task of determining in which (in which…so they’re aware of the worlds? of choice? that’s contradictory to your premise) world they are to live. This decision provides them with an apparition (doesn’t mean what you think, use something like visage/façade, etc.) of free will despite their actual lack of control over the future (too wordy, “actual lack” is obvious, get rid of actual). The deceitful nature of the choice (what choice?) exemplifies the manipulation (what is this manipulation, you’re overusing the) shown throughout both works, and how it (don’t use it, be specific) constructs the lives of the characters.
Through the act of manipulation, one has the opportunity to embark on a new reality, but doing so also entails the surrender of the rights to one’s destiny. In “Animal Farm,” (technically the title is Animal Farm, not Animal Farm,; I’m guessing this is MLA so italicize and never quote or put commas by titles) the Animal Revolution allows the inhabitants of the farm to unite for the common cause of animal supremacy (supremacy? or is liberation?), but the animals quickly lose individual power as the idea of mass force (mass force? not a common phrase) is encouraged. According to “The Seven Commandments of Animalism,” “all animals are equal,” a right that both discourages favoritism and at the same time grossly combines each entity into one conglomerate being (wordy again, is this truly precise?). The animals are reduced to the measure of their strength, used for the sole purpose of accomplishing work. In such a system, there is no place for the “individual,” as leaders would be unable to execute (exert?) the same control over the group (group what? again be specific to your advantage). Although the animals on the farm far outnumber the pigs, they lack the force (unity also perhaps, considering they’re a group it’s curious they can’t use the group for themselves; what does that say about the pigs?) to overthrow them due to the pigs’ brutal tactics, a representation of the vast distance their power encompasses. As the pigs become increasingly corrupt, they extinguish the individuality of the animals and any thoughts (plural?) of rebellion through the act of starving their opposition, the hens (“Napoleon acted swiftly and ruthlessly. He ordered the hens' rations to be stopped, and decreed that any animal giving so much as a grain of corn to a hen should be punished by death”) [so is this MLA? Or are you British by chance?]. In this scenario, the hens are the few souls brave enough to challenge authority and ultimately are martyrs for their cause. The fate of the animals had been sealed as early as when they encouraged the Animalist movement, reducing their lives to marionettes void of a self-determined future. (excellent sentence!)
In the epic “Gilgamesh,” Gilgamesh seduces Enkidu with the revelries of civilization, or a life away from the forest, a temptation that offers adventure in exchange for his identity. Enkidu’s status as half-man, half- animal catches him between two contrasting worlds, allowing him to be easily coerced to join one or the other. In order to convince Enkidu to join the human world, Gilgamesh sends a prostitute who tells him about civilization. “Why do you still want to run with the animals? You are a human being now, not like them. You are like a god, like Gilgamesh. I will lead you to Uruk where you belong (page 20).” (don’t put the period in the quote, so you’re using MLA? Ok! Remember, quotes always for selections from text, periods outside of quotes, same with page numbers) The prostitute forces Enkidu to become self-aware and disregard his ways of the forest for a stronger calling to Gilgamesh (stronger calling to Gilgamesh…too imprecise). By doing so, Enkidu relinquishes the animal portion of his identity and the power to decide his fate. (this sentence is good, very to the point while descriptive)
(your transitions could be worked on by the way, not a big deal, but consider it)
One’s reality is dependent upon the manipulations that created it, and the power of outside forces acting upon it. In such a world, constancy becomes an unachievable feat, as it is impossible to provide it in an environment that thrives on instability. This perpetual change provides for the success of the manipulator, as it allows him to be in control of the options given to others, and creates a “game” where only he knows the rules (being a little too vague). In “Animal Farm,” the commandments of Animalism change corresponding to the capricious atmosphere, altering the lives of the animals they include. The pigs take advantage of the animals’ faith in their leader and exploit the very laws they originally created, exemplifying the inconsistency of manipulation. The rules have no meaning, but are reflections of the pigs’ growing gluttony and disregard for their subjects. The animals continue to perceive this distorted world as the original utopia that inspired them so long ago, and allow such malfeasance to dictate their lives.
Enkidu is Gilgamesh’s only link to a world unburdened by the forces of manipulation (meh phrase, again be specific with what you mean), and is also a major source of stability in his life. When he perishes during their adventure, Gilgamesh is forced back into a deceptive reality. Throughout the story, he slowly breaks away from this world and levels down to the unpleasant but true actualities of human-life, only to now be sent back to the same fallacy from which he came. Because Gilgamesh has no one to help him get through this trying time, he is apt to revert back to his old, sadistic ways, and lose his human emotions forever. Through all of the manipulations (you’ve made the word “manipulation” a crutch to lean on, use something else) that he has endured, the only thing that has remained is him, a being so contorted by change that he possesses nothing but a vacant spirit.
Although reality varies from individual to individual, the ultimate test of its success is dependent upon whether or not one believes his reality to be the truth. This absolute confidence in what one believes to exist provides the fuel for manipulation, and allows leaders to gain control. In “Animal Farm,” the animals are shortsighted by the ideals of their utopian fantasy, and they refuse to recognize its flaws despite being assailed by signs of hazard. By playing to the animals’ fantasies, the pigs turn once free thinking individuals into mindless drones willing to do their bidding. The animals hope is possibly the most monumental manipulation of all, as it allows them to live in a world free of doubts and concerns, an existence based on ignorance. Is it more dangerous to ignore the truth or live with it? The animals have ample opportunity to recognize the dangers of their government system, yet they refuse to look beyond what appears to be reality. By ignoring the truth, they ultimately construct their own demise, as such a bubble cannot sustain itself forever. If the animals were to search for deeper meaning underneath their gilded portrayal of the truth, they could free themselves from such an impending doom. Sadly, they pursue this false sense of security, lulling themselves further and further into a labyrinth of manipulation, until the veracity in their lives is indistinguishable from the artificial.
Gilgamesh believes himself to be of a divine nature, and lives in a reality sheltered from the daily struggles of mankind. In his mind, this is the only truth to exist, as Gilgamesh believes merely in the countenance of his surroundings. This world is a series of manipulations in itself, as it exists for the sole purpose of keeping him happy. Gilgamesh’s satisfaction is required for such a place to sustain itself, and when he begins to doubt its authenticity, the fragile ties that held it together begin to unravel. What Gilgamesh longed for was companionship, a trait that his utopia had been unable to provide. “I have never known such weariness before, as if some life in me has disappeared or needs to be filled up again. I am alone and I have longed for some companionship (page 20).” (again, watch these quotes and the placement of things, if you’re using MLA) By reaching out to Enkidu, Gilgamesh surrenders his own independence and destroys the carefully arranged fallacy he has known all of his life.
When the course of life is ordained by outside forces, it becomes impossible for one to retain the sense of self-determination that drives the human spirit. In such a case, the life of an individual is merely a barren void that others fill with a new portrayal of reality. Such manipulation depreciates the value of life itself, as it exists only through the power of those who create it. If one is not in control of one’s destiny, does he truly exist, or is he merely a reflection of a paramount entity? It can be argued that existing is merely the quality of having life, but if does not affect his destiny, his existence does not matter. Perhaps it is this lack of relevance that persuaded George Orwell and the author of “Gilgamesh” to write their works, and encourage readers to seize control from the powers that dictate their lives.