Young Writers Society

An endangered species is a group of animals or plants that are in danger of being wiped out. Most endangered species have about a few thousands of their species left on Earth. Humans killing animals or chopping down forests are in danger.
In this essay, I will look at three of those unfortunate creatures. First, I will talk about the African Wild Ass. Secondly, I will introduce you to the Okapis. Finally, we will look at the Siamung Monkeys.

The African Wild Ass is a four-legged, warm blooded creature. It a cross between a horse and a zebra in its looks. African Wild Asses are found in Morocco, Sudan, parts of Somalia and the Arabian Peninsula. A female Ass gives birth to just one young in a life time, which makes it hard to replace the number of Asses killed every year. In 1950, there was about seventy-five thousand in the wild, but by 1980, 50% of them had been killed, so now they are classified as 'Critically Endangered' and are only found in Somalia. Those left in Somalia are legally by the government but people or hunters still kill them illegally just for fun, or for their soft fur.

The Okapi is a relative of the giraffe, though it isn't as tall as the giraffe. An Okapi has brown coloured body and brown-and-white striped legs. A female Okapi is larger than the male. Okapis are found in the dense, forests of the Congo Region. An Okapi's life is about thirty or so years long, and the female Okapi gives birth to one Okapi young every year. Okapis are classed as 'Threatened' with only 1,000 in the wild. The tropical forests in Congo that have once been its habitat are not ravaged because of war, and it is very, very rare to see.

A Siamung is a monkey that is known for its naked throat sacks that puff up when it breathes. Siamungs are found in Malaysia and Sumatra. A female Siamung gives birth to two or three young every five years. A Siamung's average life span is 40 years. Siamung monkeys are killed for their hands and feet, which are made into ashtrays, their fur is made into clothes and hats, their bones into medicines and people actually eat the Siamung's meat.

We all need to co-operate to save ourselves from the catastrophe that is coming, for most of us are oblivious to what is going on! We must protect the habitats that those animals live in, but that is easier said than done. One of the problems is the growth of the human population which means more space is needed for those humans to grow, so they destroy the forests in order to build new cities and places for people to live in! What people can't see is that they are upsetting the balance of the cycle of life which can lead to our death, started by our own hands.
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So what do you think? My English teacher gave me 13 out of 15; Do you think it deserves it?
Tell me everything: the good and the bad, too.
Thanks a lot!
Maisoon

I think this is a good article. It is concise and to the point; as well as structured. Your spelling skills are also very good.

However, you don't spend much time on any of the points and make generalizations, like many in today's world do when it comes to threatened or endangered species. You make good points to begin with, showing what is going on with each species and why (I noticed you left out the reason why they are so endangered is because the countries they are in are so war-torn and impoverished it's impossible to do anything about it without risking human lives and such, mostly--though I doubt that was needed). Also, an African Wild Ass is a donkey, not a cross between a zebra and a horse--no matter what it looks like--going from what I've read.
And I think Okapi have black stripes on their legs. (They're also the only surviving relative of the giraffe. Many other subspecies have died over the years.)

But that's all okay. It's no big deal. You focus on describing and drawing the attention of the readers to the real nature of the animal; giving them an idea of what might die out. Unfortunately, your reasons for them dying out does not work. You make it sound like humans are all to blame and there need to be fewer of us. The real thing that should happen, in my opinion, if you think logically is this:
We should focus on developing lands that are already having developments near them. I.e. if there's a town, you shouldn't build another town a hundred miles away and make a giant road. You should just build off the first town and leave the other area open for animals.
More nature preserves would be good, as well.

Unfortunately, as all the animals live in very backwards nations, the above probably won't happen. They practice witchcraft. The best thing to do is educate the people and feed them--then they won't have as many problems. In return, they could ship us animals and we could keep them in nature parks.

Also, you have to make a few decisions. Creationists believe in extinction and end game (the end of the species). Evolutionists should be applauding deaths of species, since that will supposedly lead to more species that better fit the new world humanity has created.
So, if you believe in evolution, there's no problem with these species dying--more will pop up sooner or later.

Going from my monologuing, you can see that the issue isn't as simple as many make it out to be. Your paper is quite good, though. But if you want to become a zoo keeper, zoologist, biologist, etc. you might want to research more on those points.

I suppose that's about it. Good luck with future school papers, anyhow.

-Cspr

Hey, Alpha. As you have a brilliant content-based review above, I think I'll spend most of this review nitpicking and checking this for typos. I think it's a lot easier to make your argument when everything's technically correct. Click the spoiler!



I'll add my penny's worth to this. I don't think your essay covers the reasons why endangered species are such a bad thing. Yes, you give us specific examples and shock us with what humanity's doing to the world, but you don't really mention why the loss of these animals will affect us, or the world we live in. Unfortunately, I think most humans are a bit more selfish than you give us credit for. I need a reason why I should worry about these things. I know the argument exists, and you could have focussed a little more on bringing some opinions to this piece, rather than giving us descriptions.

It's fine to have an essay which aims to inform about what endangered species are, which you do well, and which species are endangered; your specific examples are informative. However, the introduction of the argument towards the end blurs the piece's purpose. If you're going to make an argument, it needs to be thematic and consistent throughout the article, rather than added towards the end. Elaborate on your view.

Anyway, that's it from me. I don't usually review non-fiction, but I hope the review is useful.

- Jet.