Young Writers Society

Dear Mom,
For as long as I can remember, the length of my hair has played a part in the formation of my character. My first encounters with hair-envy were at the tender age of five, when I realized that while the other girls in my class wore ponytails, just grazing their shoulders, mine was down to my waist. At the time, I had never had a haircut in my life, and was jealous of the other girls who could swing their head freely, un-burdened by tenuous strands of lead. A few months later at the beauty parlor, the hairdresser gasped at my split ends. “How could she have never had her hair cut?” he questioned my mother. “We’ll have to take it off.” As I watched him cut off no less than a foot of hair, I was jubilant. Finally, I could be like the other girls. I went home with a shaggy bob and a smile on my face. But to the rest of the world, my hair was not attractive. The girls in my class no longer wanted to pet my braids, nor did I receive endless compliments. I was the only person who could see my hair’s beauty, and I soon began to forget why I liked it so much.
My hair grew back, and with it came my confidence. I could hide behind long hair, and create outlandish hair-dos. But when it came to functionality, it never stood a chance against shorter styles. In the summer months, I could never find a ponytail high enough off my neck to allow for any sort of air-circulation. My hair pulled and tugged at my scalp, a constant reminder of the price of beauty. More desperately than ever, I wanted my crude bob back. Without my hair, I would be free.
This past summer, I was determined not to let it go by with un-seasonably long hair. I had a simple wish, to get my hair cut to my chin. The answer, was a distinct no, something I cannot understand. I won’t regret this decision, and if I ever have any doubt, it is my mistake to make. Cutting my hair won’t scalp me of my femininity, nor will it be a rash act of teenage rebellion. This is a formulated action, something I should have done long ago. I am not reliant on praise of my hair, and I will be able to function knowing I’m not the prettiest girl in the room. My hair is my own, and what I do with it is also so.
You and dad have always encouraged individuality, whatever form that may be. My hair has made me an individual, and has put me in an uncomfortable spotlight. It’s now time let other things shine through. After all, hair will grow, but memories are forever.

I really like this.
It shows the emotions you feel and makes a good image of what was happening.
The ending made me smile also, its true other things should shine.
I do think the detail could be better however, using more decriptions of the style and the envy.
This is really enjoyable thought

Thanks so much for your input!

Aw, I love this I can't say that I relate too much, having long hair that I'm completely obsessive about, but I think this is a great and certainly unique piece of writing. I hope you give it to your mom!
You told the story well, and I don't agree with LilySoulMahon about it needing to be more descriptive. I think it had the right amount of descriptiveness. It doesn't need to be spoon-fed to us. It think it's marvelous and go you for asserting your right not to conform

Chels x

While I was reading this, I was thinking "why would she want to cut her hair?" I guess it was just because I have always had long hair, and some tell me to cut it, some are in awe of it, and other's ask have you EVER cut it? I love mine, though I considered doing locks for love again. i'm going to stop telling my life story and say that I caught nothing really wrong with this, I was just thinking about my aversion to haircuts. I think you proved you point well and I felt bad for little kindergarden you.

Personally, I would stick with the long hair, but, me being a boy, I wouldn't know too much about this subject.

Other than this, the writing is great. I only found one grammatical error:

The answer, was a distinct no, something I cannot understand. There should be no comma between "answer" and "was."

Small and easily fixed.

Despite my opinion on short hair, I can't help but side with you on the arguments given. This is a good thing. I hope your parents are the same way.

Hello! So sorry I'm only just reviewing - been out of internet ....

For as long as I can remember, the length of my hair has played a part in the formation of my character.

Fantastic opening!

At the time, I had never had a haircut in my life, and was jealous of the other girls who could swing their head freely, un-burdened by tenuous strands of lead.

The way you've referred to your hair as being a "burden" and the simile of "lead" is really effective. It really makes the reader understand how much you didn't like your hair!

My hair pulled and tugged at my scalp, a constant reminder of the price of beauty.

I really like this sentence because it can relate to (almost - excluding people who are flawlessly beautiful - everyone). Not just through hair but almost always there is a price for beauty whether it is money or something else.

The answer,(<--- No comma needed here) was a distinct no, something I cannot understand.

I am not reliant on praise of my hair, and I will be able to function knowing I’m not the prettiest girl in the room. My hair is my own, and what I do with it is also so.

I can TOTALLY relate to this!

You and dad have always encouraged individuality, whatever form that may be. My hair has made me an individual, and has put me in an uncomfortable spotlight. It’s now time let other things shine through. After all, hair will grow, but memories are forever.

Fantastic ending!


OVERALL: This was brilliant! It was written maturely with passion and included great lexis. If I was your Mum I would be persuaded! I think many people can relate to this either through not being allowed to change their hair or something like it. I loved it! Keep it up!

If you need anything else just PM me

-Rachel.

hi Bookie! I'm pointe and I am going to review you!



Dear Mom,

For as long as I can remember, the length of my hair has played a part in the formation of my character. My first encounters with hair-envy were at the tender age of five, when I realized that while the other girls in my class wore ponytails, just grazing their shoulders, mine was down to my waist. At the time, I had never had a haircut in my life, and was jealous of the other girls who could swing their head freely, un-burdened by tenuous strands of lead. A few months later at the beauty parlor, the hairdresser gasped at my split ends. “How could she have never had her hair cut?” he questioned my mother. “We’ll have to take it off.” As I watched him cut off no less than a foot of hair, I was jubilant. Finally, I could be like the other girls. I went home with a shaggy bob and a smile on my face. But to the rest of the world, my hair was not attractive. The girls in my class no longer wanted to pet my braids, nor did I receive endless compliments. I was the only person who could see my hair’s beauty, and I soon began to forget why I liked it so much.

My hair grew back, and with it came my confidence. I could hide behind long hair, and create outlandish hair-dos. But when it came to functionality, it never stood a chance against shorter styles. In the summer months, I could never find a ponytail high enough off my neck to allow for any sort of air-circulation. My hair pulled and tugged at my scalp, a constant reminder of the price of beauty. More desperately than ever, I wanted my crude bob back. Without my hair, I would be free.

This past summer, I was determined not to let it go by with un-seasonably long hair. I had a simple wish, to get my hair cut to my chin. The answer, was a distinct no, something I cannot understand. I won’t regret this decision, and if I ever have any doubt, it is my mistake to make. Cutting my hair won’t scalp me of my femininity, nor will it be a rash act of teenage rebellion. This is a formulated action, something I should have done long ago. I am not reliant on praise of my hair, and I will be able to function knowing I’m not the prettiest girl in the room. My hair is my own, and what I do with it is also so.

You and dad have always encouraged individuality, whatever form that may be. My hair has made me an individual, and has put me in an uncomfortable spotlight. It’s now time let other things shine through. After all, hair will grow, but memories are forever.

this is a first. I have know complaints............. WOW! THIS WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations on writing something so good, so soon into your membership at YWS
~pointe

Cool, I really like this! Being a tomboy who's always struggled between fitting in and "looking like a girl" and being myself, this was completely relateable to me. In a way, this is almost symbolic of how outward beauty only holds us back from seeing the real image of who people are. Really good piece. Do you think I could add it to my anthology? It stays completely to your credit.
Either way, this was really great. Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Thanks so much! I find out my grade for it tomorrow, so we'll see if my english teacher feels the same way!