Young Writers Society

My Stimulus package
By: Samuel Swanson
There is a problem that persists in this great country, The United States of America, which is holding us back form out true potential as the wealthiest nation in the world, this problem, of course is our unrivaled national debt. However those trivial trillions of dollars need not plague us any longer, because I have a solution. It is a simple solution. So simple, in fact, that I’m surprised no one else has thought of it before. My solution is War. War, being something we are very good at, is almost guaranteed to work. By starting a war, the same thing will happen that happened in WWII that pulled us out of the Great Depression. If we switch to a war-time economy, we will create jobs for the unemployed producing weapons of all shapes, sizes, and calibers. Any people unemployed after that can be drafted into the military to defend this country that has been so kind to them. Pretty soon this so called “recession” will become the most prosperous time this country has ever seen, and pretty soon our debt will shrink to almost nothing. Although war will boost our economy, the real brilliance of my plan is who we attack. Any idiot could see war is the only viable solution to our debt.
President Bush figured this out over eight years ago with his economic stimulus plan “Iraqi Freedom,” and we all saw how well that was working until Obama came and ruined it. President Bush, however, attacked the wrong country. This is where the genius of my plan comes into play. Instead of attacking Iraq or Afghanistan, we declare war with China. Why China? It’s simple. Of the $13,483,854,332,897.90 we owe, we owe almost a trillion of that to China. We owe more money to china than we owe anybody else in the world. Now if we attack and take over the country of china, we don’t have to pay them any of the money we owe. That takes care of one trillion out of the thirteen trillion that we owe. Knowing the past habits of China they will probably continue to lend us money even while we are attacking their country for fear of losing our trade. Also, after we control their county all those cheap Chinese goods that we import will be even cheaper now that we control the companies that make them, lowering our import expenses immensely. War with china is the only practical solution to our problem with debt. I don’t see any alternative. Sure there have been discussions about: a better balanced budget or putting a limit on government spending. All these have been discussed and decided they weren’t even worth trying. My plan will not only end our nation debt, but will also terminate our high rate of unemployment. If there are any faults in my solution, please let me know because I cannot find any myself.

Hi Samuel I'm Jai.

There is a problem that persists in this great country, The United States of America, which is holding us back form out true potential as the wealthiest nation in the world, this problem, of course is our unrivaled national debt.

Do you really believe America has a true potential to the be the wealthiest nation in the world? When it rivals places like Dubai?

My solution is War. War, being something we are very good at, is almost guaranteed to work. By starting a war, the same thing will happen that happened in WWII that pulled us out of the Great Depression.

I think you're forgetting about, you know... how people value their lives. Obviously the best option is to nuke America, which would completely get rid of their debt, and the people who spent all that money in the first place.

/sarcasm.

Although war will boost our economy, the real brilliance of my plan is who we attack. Any idiot could see war is the only viable solution to our debt.

I guess I'm one big idiot. Creating a war with China, population 1,331,460,000 with the United States of America (307,006,550).

President Bush figured this out over eight years ago with his economic stimulus plan “Iraqi Freedom,” and we all saw how well that was working until Obama came and ruined it.

You do realise that the hunt for the "weapons of mass destruction" is one of the reasons why America/Bush is thought of as stupid, right?

Now if we attack and take over the country of china, we don’t have to pay them any of the money we owe.

Okay, ignoring most of the flaws in this plan, I'll say this. When you take over a country. You own it. Therefore you have to take care of it and it's citizens. I'm sure adding 1,331,460,000 more payrolls to America's debt is a great idea.

That takes care of one trillion out of the thirteen trillion that we owe. Knowing the past habits of China they will probably continue to lend us money even while we are attacking their country for fear of losing our trade.

I think you're forgetting about China's allies. America is the only place in the world where the Imperial system still exists. I still can't get over that fact. It's irrelevant, but still.

My plan will not only end our nation debt, but will also terminate our high rate of unemployment.

I assume that's because so many people end up dying in this war?

If there are any faults in my solution, please let me know because I cannot find any myself.

Nah, I think your idea is fantastic. Thumbs up.

- Jai

Hello.I'm Jojo, and i will review your paper.
mwwaahahhaa.
Here we go.

My Stimulus package

Nice title.

There is a problem that persists in this great country, The United States of America, which is holding us back form out true potential as the wealthiest nation in the world, this problem, of course is our unrivaled national debt.

In red, is really what you NEED to say, in green is what makes it look spicy.
In a debate paper, you need pauses so that-
a.) You can breath
and
b.) You add emotion to let the audience feel how you feel, and sense your emotion.
I think that you should separate this sentence into two, so that you have an opportunity to do that.
As it is.. it just seems stuffed and rushed.

However, those trivial trillions of dollars need not plague us any longer, because I have a solution.> be fore you rush into a solution, it would be nice if you said *exactly* how much money we have in our deficit.Add statistics.< *It is a simple solution. So simple, in fact, that I’m surprised no one else has thought of it before. My solution is War.

*That chunk right there isn't necessary. In debate, you need facts to back up what you are trying to sell.Using filler to say how simple it was strays away from the point you are trying to get across. It also may annoy the reader if they *have* thought of it before or *don't* agree with you.

Try chopping it down to- My simple/seemingly obvious solution, is war.

War, being something we are very good at, is almost guaranteed to work. By starting a war, the same thing will happen that happened in WWII that pulled us out of the Great Depression.

> insert proof here<
Again, if you are going to say something that certain, back it up up up!

If we switch to a war-time economy, we will create jobs for the unemployed producing weapons of all shapes, sizes, and calibers. *Any people unemployed after that can be drafted into the military to defend this country that has been so kind to them. Pretty soon this so called “recession” will become the most prosperous time this country has ever seen, and pretty soon our debt will shrink to almost nothing. Although war will boost our economy, the real brilliance of my plan is who we attack. *Any idiot could see war is the only viable solution to our debt.

*Opinion- back it up, up, up!
This overall, is the weakest paragraph in your debate, because you need proof.
"defending the country" as you put it.. is much easier said than done.
Don't you think enough people are dying?
America is supposed to remain indifferent-
*see George Washington's Farewell address.

* Alert!!!!!!!!!..resorting to name calling in a debate can offend the audience.
It's really not cool to annoy the people to whom you are trying to sell your point.
I think you should take that out...

President Bush figured this out over eight years ago with his economic stimulus plan “Iraqi Freedom,” and we all saw how well that was working until Obama came and ruined it.

>insert proof here<
and don't tell us he "ruined" it.. show us..

President Bush, however, attacked the wrong country. This is where the genius of my plan comes into play. Instead of attacking Iraq or Afghanistan, we declare war with China. Why China? It’s simple. Of the $13,483,854,332,897.90 we owe, we owe almost a trillion of that to China. We owe more money to china than we owe anybody else in the world. Now if we attack and take over the country of china, we don’t have to pay them any of the money we owe.

And what if we lose* knock on wood*
You do realize that China has a lot more in terms of human resources...
Again, back it up, up up!
MUCH easier said than done.

That takes care of one trillion out of the thirteen trillion that we owe. Knowing the past habits of China they will probably continue to lend us money even while we are attacking their country for fear of losing our trade. Also, after we control their county all those cheap Chinese goods that we import will be even cheaper now that we control the companies that make them, lowering our import expenses immensely. War with china is the only practical solution to our problem with debt. I don’t see any alternative. Sure there have been discussions about: a better balanced budget or putting a limit on government spending. All these have been discussed and decided they weren’t even worth trying. My plan will not only end our nation debt, but will also terminate our high rate of unemployment. If there are any faults in my solution, please let me know because I cannot find any myself.

Don't end it now that you have your idea developed...
Keep on writing.
Rushed speeches are the worst.

OVERALL:
Very opinionated, which is good in moderation, but you need a lot more proof to back up your arguments.
Make ht audience *want* to listen to you, and try not to be too aggressive ( name-calling, quotation marks, etc.)
Argument wise.. it could be stronger.. and longer.
Just remember that Things are MUCH easier said, than done.
Keep on writing!

yes this is satire. there is no way this is viable solution to our national debt. this was meant to be a joke about government spending, and all other problems america is facing at the moment. and yes A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift was the inspiration for this. i thought i made it so exaggerated that people would see it was obviously satire, but maybe I didnt.