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What happened to innocence?



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Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:59 pm
Rayneisthename says...



Author's Note: This happened about a month ago, and when it all happened me and my friend Katie were on our way to the movies(the beginning of the story)when we passed by the Tony's it would happen at. Everyone knew that they were going to Tony's to eat then smoke weed but the truth was far different from that. At first everyone knew because they talked about it too loud in Art class and that they were going to bring Joe along with them so he could try it for the first time. Joe didn't try it, I'm glad but that is the only light that comes from this bad situation.


It was a Friday, in the late morning. When she passed by the Tony’s in her neighborhood and wondered what they were doing. She cried inside because they truly knew now that there was no more innocence left in the world. It was a Friday, when four people made the biggest mistake of their life.
The truth came out on Wednesday, what really happened when the four of them went to Tony’s to have breakfast and smoke weed. What really happened was much worse than everyone had thought.
Three people besides the ones who it involved knew what had happened. They talked about it right in front of the people who didn’t know, letting them piece together what happened on their own.
“Can you even believe that really happened?”
“I know right? Who would have thought that they would do something like that? Especially the small one.”
They were referring to the people’s sizes. They talked about a Big one, Medium and Small one. One of the people, Rayne, who did not know what was going on silently started to piece together what happened. She took the information she already knew from last Thursday and used it with what the others were hinting about.
It was not pleasant.

The “Big one” was David, the biggest pervert in the world. She expected he would always do something like this. The “Medium one” was Tyler, even though he wasn’t as big a pervert, he had a reputation of smoking weed so he wasn’t a big shock to her either. The “Small one” was Will. Her best guy friend. She reached deep inside her heart and mind to even give him an ounce of sympathy. She couldn’t find any. Rayne felt like he had betrayed her, they were such good friends and she even liked him a little bit. All respect for him was gone. So was their friendship.
It made things worse to know that Will was the student council president and that people were supposed to look up to him. This had turned everyone’s world upside-down.
The girl, involved in all of this was Amy.
It was forever until everyone knew the correct version of the story, but it goes something like this.

Tyler, David, Amy, and Will all went to Tony’s for breakfast on Friday, in the late morning, around 10. The plan was to go back to Stone’s house so they could smoke joint. They all got high and Amy gave everyone something, if you know what I mean. Tyler was the only guy that actually got to have sex with her and she gave the other two a hand-job.
Simple and short, yet they completely left out the fact that Amy could be pregnant. Tyler would be the father, and he would constantly stare into space as to look at the consequences that he had just foisted upon himself. Will and David got off a little easier, but everyone was still mad about it. Especially Rayne.
In Math class, where Rayne sits by Will, she moved to the next table with an open space. Her and her friends sat there not focused at all still discussing the situation. These people were everyone’s friends, best friends some of them. No one could even grasp the fact that this was all real, not fiction, but the honest-to-God truth.
Everyone was angry. Everyone had a reason to be angry, everyone had the reason to be sad. Adri did.
Morgan, one of Rayne’s friends, also one of Amy’s, caught Amy in the hallway crying her eyes out. Morgan did most of the talking while Amy mostly listened. Morgan would be her friend still even after all this, Morgan was a good person.
Everyone was talking about it already by lunch. If you passed people in the hallway they were talking about it, no one was focused on school, only this horrible situation.
Will and David went on like nothing had happened which made Rayne even angrier. She wondered constantly how Will could still smile and laugh and joke when the entire school was talking about something he did. She couldn’t understand how he could live with himself. She still doesn’t today.

As of now, Rayne and Will are friends again, but will never be as close as they once were. The student body has gotten past this ordeal and most likely forgotten it. David, Will, and Tyler tried to get it to happen again for Will’s birthday last Monday, Amy didn’t do it. They dragged Morgan upstairs for David instead and shut the door behind her. Rayne’s guess was that they were going to rape her, but that didn’t happen. Instead she tried to open the door and Logan grabbed her from behind so she couldn’t get away. David came to her front but she kicked him in the balls and ran out the door.

We’re only in the 8th grade remember? What happened to innocence?
Last edited by Rayneisthename on Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
BE YOURSELF. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Two things are infinite: human stupidity and the universe; and I'm not sure about the universe

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Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:15 pm
Button says...



Sorry that all happened to you. :/
7th grade is the time that all that stuff started happening around me. It was crazy times, but it slowly balanced out and returned (somewhat) to normal.

As for technicalities in your writing, this seemed more of a recap or blog than writing. I would gather more information up about the situation and create some more drama/emotion in order to make this a truly terrible thing that the reader experiences too. Stress the loss of childhood to really leave an impact. Also, clarify some parts- I started to get lost towards the end.

Sorry again all that crazy stuff is going on. :/

-Coral-
  





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Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:07 pm
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Charlii101 says...



can't believe this happened to you!!
i don't really know what to put really
but it's not really a story more bloggish like add some drama and more of a story tune to it
could you maybe not be some much about the history an more about the story line and drama
even though i did like to read on this would grasp people's attenion more if it became more of a story
  





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Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:18 pm
Hecate says...



Hey there,

Wow, this really is something. I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry people are this messed up.

Rayneisthename wrote:It was a Friday, in the late morning,When she passed by the Tony’s in her neighborhood and wondered what they were doing.


I suggest you rewrite your introduction. The wording is a bit 'off' if you know what I mean.
It's good, but it does need work. This is obviously only a first draft. You can do more with it.
  





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Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:43 pm
Shadowhunter14 says...



I loved the title, by the way, and the way you wrote it. I'm in Year 9 and have been hearing a lot about that stuff, and oh my god, can't believe it happened to you. I can't even imagine what I would do in that situation! Anyway, well done :)
  





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Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:23 am
melcally says...



Many people think high school is hard; but as we all read for some of us middle school is killer. Everyone tries to grow up so fast not understanding once you're grown up you can never look back. Sometimes I wish my eye's hadn't seen what I seen; or my ears hadn't heard what was said at the back of class. And maybe I would still be the little kid I was suppose to be at 11-14.

I'm VERY sorry to hear about what happened to you. It's very heart-hardening.
"BEAUTIFUL ONLY IN MY IMPERFECTIONS" Jon McLaughlin
  





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Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:34 am
Mizzle says...



Eigth graders shouldn't be going through things like this; it seems every generation,the starting rate of corruption gets younger.

God bless. ;)
"Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery,
Because after all, those wings will take you up so high."
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I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.
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