Young Writers Society

I wrote this for the Common App, and need it to be proofread as SOON AS POSSIBLE! I'm trying to send in my app quickly. I will love you forever if you review!! (BTW....this was the "Topic of your choice" subject.)
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“I want you to imagine that this wall represents a wall in your life, one that you’ve been struggling with and can’t seem to conquer.”
I closed my eyes while listening to the camp director’s instructions. One by one each camper walked up to the fifteen-foot wall with a distant expression on their face, recalling that one struggle they’ve been dealing with for so long. When it was my turn, I took another deep breath, closed my eyes once more, and pressed my hands against the wall.
Once my skin hit the wood, it transported me back to my childhood. I was hiding behind my parents when I met a new person. I refused to order a burger because it required talking to a stranger. Giving my first real speech in front of strangers at my new school made me sick. Not being talkative on my basketball team made my coach forget I was even there. I was painfully shy as a child, and I had never been able to completely rid of all those bad habits.
As I stepped back and opened my eyes, my vision was blurred from the tears that had formed. However, I was able to notice that everyone around me was also crying after coming off the wall. Once everyone had taken his or her turn, the director continued. “Each one of you is going to stand in front and tell everyone your wall. Then your fellow campers will help you up and you will have to pull yourself up over the fifteen-foot wall. This will symbolize your first step in finally conquering your personal wall.”
Butterflies filled my stomach as the first girl went, explaining how her role model had died and how she has no support at home. One by one campers went and shared their wall. The stories ranged from having abusive parents to attempting suicide. It made me open my eyes and taught me to never judge others with only superficial information.
It was my turn. With tears in my eyes I composed myself and shared, “All my life I’ve been shy and uncomfortable around new people, and coming here has shown me I can finally be the social and confident person I’ve always wanted to be.”
The crowd applauded with support as I turned around to climb the wall. I stepped on the lift squad’s hands, reached for the top, and finally pulled myself over.
The sense of relief was extraordinary.
I had finally done it: Taken the first step towards conquering my wall. Today I’m much more confident when meeting new people, and know that if I don’t speak my mind, I could be left behind. I crossed the bridge from unsure to confident, and matured as a woman in the process. I’ve learned not to judge so quickly, and I don’t have to live with the habits of my past. This camp taught me what I needed in order to live up to my full potential, and to be a leader among my peers.
I never thought a fifteen-foot wall would change my life forever.

There was only two things i noticed.

I was painfully shy as a child, and I had never been able to completely rid of all those bad habits.

It should read: I had never been able to be rid of all those bad habits.

Also, when the camp director says: "Each one of you is going to stand in front and tell everyone your wall." It sounds a bit strange. Maybe change it to: "...tell everyone about your wall", or "...tell everyone what your wall is".

Apart from those small things, i thought it was excellent. You get your point across and it's concise; no long flowery words or anything, which is good.
That's it really, hope i've helped a bit.

Thanks so much Every small bit helps