Nothing.
Nothing happened. It was just like another day without you.
I wished you knew what I was feeling that day. Good thing, I didn’t forget to greet you with a happy birthday.
If you just knew that I’d been crying every night before I sleep, like after watching a movie about broken family. I’ve been yearning for your real maternal love, not just an I-am-your-mother love. I needed you by my side. I could still even remember the time when I was still a little innocent kid saying, “I don’t like mommy anymore.” If you just knew how much my feelings for you change as I grew up. Jealousy started to take over my feelings when I celebrated my birthdays without you there... not with me as I blew out the candle.
I’m not saying you’re not a good mom.
Past is past and we can’t change something that we have regret doing.
I hope you understand me.
Yet after all these years, I never tried hating you because, if I did, it would only let me feel I didn’t have a mother to love. I just wanted to say I’m sorry too, because I was a weak daughter of yours. I kept looking at the bad sides when it comes to family problems. If you just knew that every night, I kept begging God that dad and you would be together again. As expected, my prayers haven’t been answered yet.
So, thank you for all the care and love you’ve showered upon us, your children. I thank you for that because even if we are kilometers apart, I've always felt your presence around me.
So, I just wanted to say this…
I love you, mom.
Very much.
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