Young Writers Society

Domestic Violence

Domestic Abuse Changes Have Occurred over Time in the Public's Perception, Police Intervention Policies, and the Courts' Response to the Crimes.In the United States, Public Awareness of the Domestic Abuse problem became well known during the women’s movement of the 1970s, which changed the course of history.

Domestic Violence is a crime of power and control. Abusers are known to deal with their own inadequacies and insecurities by taking control of others in the home. This way of life is nothing new to humans. It has gone on for hundreds of years. In earlier years of recorded history, beliefs that helped form the subordination of women also helped the course of action of Domestic Violence. Countries where these beliefs were held higher than other countries had more Domestic Violence incidents.

In 1974, the first shelter for battered women was established. Opening the shelter led to
the establishment of hundreds of shelters and domestic violence programs throughout the United States. These programs provide
emotional,financial, and vocational assistance to domestic violence survivors and their children. Sometimes legal assistance and support is even provided.

Alright, first of all, you need 2 reviews before you're supposed to post your stuff and you're expected to keep up that 2/1 ratio. You're now at a 0/2 ratio...

second, this doesn't belong here. This is a nonfiction piece, it should go in a nonfiction place not Action/Adventure FICTION. Please read the rules before posting....

*Moved to Nonfiction*

Hey Brina! I'm June


This is a good foundation for an essay. It's serious and straight to the point. There are a few things in this that need some touching up; let's begin:


• Title: Violence is too broad of a title. There are too many types of violence for you to use violence as a title here. Narrow it down! Domestic Abuse will work just fine.

• Purpose - Define your purpose. Is it to inform? (Obviously, it is ). Ask yourself, is my purpose being fulfilled by providing such short, brief information?

Let's take a look, dear:

Domestic Abuse Changes Have Occurred over Time in the Public's Perception, Police Intervention Policies, and the Courts' Response to the Crimes.In the United States, Public Awareness of the Domestic Abuse problem became well known during the women’s movement of the 1970s, which changed the course of history.

• In your first line of this paragraph, you have too many capital letters. The only letters that need to be capitalized are the D and the A (in domestic/abuse).

• I think that this is a bit too drifty. This quoted part is so short, but it's like... too much all over the place!

• Some of this can be chopped out and reworded to make this cleaner .


Domestic Abuse has occurred over time in the public's perception, police intervention policies, and the court's response to the crimes. In the United States, public awareness of Domestic Abuse has become well known during the Women's movement of the 1970's, changing the course of history.

• Elaborate! How has the abuse become well known? How has police intervention affected this problem?

*

Domestic Violence is a crime of power and control. Abusers are known to deal with their own inadequacies and insecurities by taking control of others in the home. This way of life is nothing new to humans. It has gone on for hundreds of years. In earlier years of recorded history, beliefs that helped form the subordination of women also helped the course of action of Domestic Violence. Countries where these beliefs were held higher than other countries had more Domestic Violence incidents.

• So! In the above paragraph, you use Domestic Abuse. Here, you're using Domestic Violence. Choose which one you want to use here, so that you don't confuse your readers. I'm going to stick with the former, since it was mentioned first.

• Again, this is too scattered. Bring your ideas together. Use a web, make lists and connect your ideas effectively to give your readers the clearest possible image you can achieve through words.

Domestic Abuse is a crime of power and control. Abusers are known to deal with their own inadequacies and insecurities by taking it out on other people, commonly others in their home. This type of abuse is nothing new to humans. It has existed for hundreds of years.

In earlier times, beliefs that helped form the subordination of women also helped the course of action of Domestic Abuse. Countries that held these beliefs had more incidents of Domestic Abuse than those that didn't.

*

In 1974, the first shelter for battered women was established. Opening the shelter led to

the establishment of hundreds of shelters and domestic violence programs throughout the United States. These programs provide

emotional,financial, and vocational assistance to domestic violence survivors and their children. Sometimes legal assistance and support is even provided.

• Is battered the word you want to use? It sounds... weatherbeaten? let's try another word.

In 1974, the first shelter for women victims was established. The opening of the shelter led to the growth of hundreds of homes and domestic violence programs throughout the United States. These programs provide emotion, financial, and vocational assistance to Domestic Abuse survivors. Sometimes, legal assistance and support is provided.

• Elaborate! Are you leaving us hanging at the end? Tell us more about this support that's legally provided.


Read through this and add more information for us, dear. It's nice to see an eye-opening essay like this .

Great job!

June