Young Writers Society

Hi everybody! Long time no writing! Well, I have a comparison Gilgamesh/Animal farm essay this week, and here is my outline for it. It focuses on manipulation (assigned topic ) but I kind of...took artisitic liberties? and made it mostly about manipulation of truth and reality in general, using examples from both books to back up my point: This is rough btw....as you can probably tell:
NOTE: Intro, conclusion, etc are not finished. I wouldn't end a paragraph with a question mark:)

Topic Choice: B, Argue that both works chronicle a series of manipulations;
Manipulation of Truth And Reality

Opening Sentence: The concept of reality has posed as a cultural enigma for centuries, bringing to question the very essence of one’s existence, and possibly impinging on preconceived boundaries of life itself.
Thesis: In both “Animal Farm’ and “Gilgamesh” the characters are positioned by others at the threshold between illusion and reality, and are given the arduous task of determining in which world they are to live. This decision provides them with an apparition of free will despite their lack of control over the future. The deceitful nature of the choice exemplifies the manipulation shown throughout both works, and how it constructs the lives of the characters.

“Argument”/Point of 1st body: Reality is created through manipulation
Body Paragraph Topic Sentence One: Through the act of manipulation one has the opportunity to embark in a new reality, but doing so also entails the surrender of the rights to one’s destiny.
A) The Animal Revolution allowed the inhabitants of the farm to unite for the common cause of animal supremacy, but quickly lost individual power as the idea of mass force was encouraged.
B) Gilgamesh seduces Enkidu with the revelries of a life away from the forest, a temptation that offers adventure in exchange for his identity.

“Argument”/Point of 2nd body: Reality is relative, and constantly subject to change
Body Paragraph Topic Sentence two: One’s reality is dependent upon the manipulations that created it and the force of outside forces acting upon it. In such a world, constancy becomes an unachievable feat, as it is impossible to provide it in an environment that thrives on instability.
A) The laws of the farm changed in correspondence with its capricious atmosphere, altering the lives of the animals they include.
B) Just as Gilgamesh becomes accustomed to having his Enkidu accompany him on their adventures, he loses his companion and major source of stability in his life.

“Argument”/Point of 3rd body: Reality exists only to those who believe that it does.
Body Paragraph Topic Sentence Three: Although reality varies from individual to individual, the ultimate test of its’ success is dependent upon whether or not one believes their reality to be the truth.
A) The animals are blind sighted by the ideals of their utopian fantasy, and refuse to recognize its flaws despite being assailed by signs of hazard.
B) Gilgamesh believes himself to be of divine nature and lives in a reality sheltered from the daily struggles of mankind.


Conclusion (Argument):
When the course of life is ordained by outside forces, it becomes impossible for one to retain the sense of self-determination that drives the human spirit. In such a case, the life of an individual is merely a barren void that others fill with a new portrayal of reality. Such manipulation depreciates the value of life itself, as it exists only through the power of those who create it. If one is not in direct control of one’s destiny, do they truly exist, or are they merely reflections of a paramount entity?

So, thoughts, comments, help? I'd love to hear!

Hi!

I think everything you're saying is right but maybe once or twice you need to chose a character from either text and compare them in the way they create such ideals, and how characters within the text have different ideals on certain things.

I have never read Gilgamesh so I can't comment on if they're applicable but for animal farm they are. For example for the Eutopia idea is sounds great but why not add to that why Mollie and Boxer's idea of Eutopia is completely different. It's just a thought but it looks like a solid essay, tell me what you get!



~Retro Disco666

Thanks so much! I'll be sure to specify with the characters!

Hello Bookworm! Esther Sylvester here to review as requested!

Okay. I am very fond of Animal Farm and Gilgamesh, so when I saw that this was your topic I got excited. I liked the concept of this very much. Lets get onto the review..

[quoteThe concept of reality has posed as a cultural enigma for centuries, bringing to question the very essence of one’s existence, and possibly impinging on preconceived boundaries of life itself. ][/quote]

Okay Bookworm, you have a good vocabulary. However, it feels like you are just trying too hard to sound intelligent with all the complex words here. Especially with your thesis. I understand it, of course, but essays aren't about showing off all the words you know or looking all fancy. They are about sharing information in an interesting and easily understandable way. Right now, it's hard to understand your thesis, and sometimes your wording doesn't make sense. I feel like you had a thesarus at your side, too, even though you might have not. Consider going through this and making this more approachable to readers. We don't like to feel stupid or waste time trying to comphrehend words that could have easily been replaced with a simpler word. Trust me, Bookworm, you're not going to look dumber for simplifing. You'll actually look more professional and courteous because your audience will spend less time decoding your words and more time listening to what you have to say. This is my biggest qualm with your essay outline.

Other than that this is very good, just very, very hard to understand unless you read very, very slowly. And I'm not stupid, I assure you, it's just how it is written. But I simply adore your thesis. It is very interesting! Your last supporting paragraph made me realize that another book fits perfectly with this type of essay. It's George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four and it is basically about how the government manipulates and brainwashes its citizens. If you are into that stuff, which your essay implies, I suggest you take a shot at it! Unless you already have read it. I wouldn't be suprised.

Okay, that's all I have to say. Good job and good luck with this. Please do take what I said to mind, because I think it would help this great outline come across better. Best of wishes,

Esther

You are so right- my teacher is constantly on my back about "grandiloquence"! I'll tone it down in the actual essay. Thanks so much for your review! Btw, 1984 is possibly one of my favorite books! I was so stoked to find out we were reading animalfarm in school- orwells a genius!