Young Writers Society

Things that go through my head everyday.

I wish he would just leave us alone. I wish my mom would actually be happy without him. I wish I would see Alex in real life and not in my dreams. I wish Kenai would actually be a good, well behaved dog so Bella wouldn’t have to suffer. I wish Kodah would warm up to us already. I wish I was never around drunks again. I wish a lot of things that just won’t come true no matter how much I cry, pray, or just wish. Not many people know the real me, they just know the person I act like. My ‘smiles’. My ‘laugh’. My niceness. But inside I want to rip something apart, break something, punch something, cry a million tears, and yell as loud and as long as I want/need to. I weep silent tears when no one’s watching; which is a lot. My friends make me laugh my real laugh. My stupid, annoying, high pitched, laugh. I wish every smile that appears on my face was real, not just a stupid attempt at making someone else happy. I’m done trying to make you happy. I try to make your life better. Trying so hard to keep you happy when inside I’m dying to scream out, cry out, something. Every time I try to make you happy, it’s never enough. So I quit.

That was very charged with emotions. Looking at only the literary aspect, you captured your emotions very well - your words sounded very true, and actually touched me. The part about the high pitched laugh and how much you dislike it was very nice - a way to let us know what you feel about something, other than wanting to cry and scream [which had a big impact in its own]. The phrasing you chose was great. You did good.
Looking at the other aspects... I just want to say that I wish you good luck. No matter how grim things seem to be they can turn around.
And that this piece was good. Good luck!
Ofir

this is great