Young Writers Society

Once upon a time, fourteen students gathered in the French classroom of Johnsonburg Area High School without the slightest clue of what they were getting themselves into. The idea of traveling to Central Asia certainly excited us but we really didn’t understand the implications of such a thing.
Sitting all around me were Carrie Lamontagne, Amy and Carrie Olewinski, Tracy McAlee, Becca Stuble, Evan Parana, Dustin Redmond, Jackie Allen, Sara McAnich, Jeff Barber, Bill Shuey, Andy Leslie, and Zach Weber. Most of the those students failed to follow through with their initial commitment. It’s funny in a way how I can cross out the names and replace them with others. Zach finished with the whole situation before it even began. Looking around at all my fellow adventurers I sized them up. Most of them I barely knew. All of them were younger than me except the others daring to attempt world travel in their “senior summer,” Bill, Andy, and Jeff. The only one of them I really knew being Jeff. We had some sort of accepted friendship through high school. Now I never hear from him..
Bill and I had some sort of friendship; though, it wasn’t a powerful thing. We shared some of the same interests which led to our inevitable coming together as something in between friends and acquaintances. Mostly we both lived and breathed the Beatles at that time. I remember we took turns buying albums and burning them for each other until we possessed all of them. From fifth grade until around junior year I crushed on him. After he accompanied me to Snoball and I had no urges to take anything further I realized that we simply related to each other. Relating to another human being was never something I experienced and when it happened I mistaked it for love.
It sort of surprised me to see him at the meeting because I never thought of him in a cultural way yet it seemed normal that he should have been there. Hmmmm some things don’t come out in an all together sensical way.
The other senior, Andy, I’m not sure where we stood. I don’t believe I really formed any opinion of him either way. To me he was just there and nothing else.
Mrs. Mary Lisa Gustafson, French and accounting teacher/world traveler, took on the task of running the program. I don’t remember exactly what she said in that first meeting. What I do remember is filling out a green paper with my name, address, phone number, etc . . .It also asked the questions like: Have you ever flown before? Are you afraid of flying? Pretty customary stuff.
Over the next weeks (or maybe months I’m not sure) we underwent some tests. Each of our teachers had to fill out forms that analyzed our behavior, academics and so on and so forth. An essay was another thing, the topic: “My Greatest Challenge thus Far.”, or something along those lines. I wrote about college searching..
The day after the essay writing we were all called to the room of Mrs. Gustafson (201) and she proceeded to give a speech about how the alternates would be involved in the entire project and no one should be upset about the decision of the teacher panel. I sat at the green table with Bill thinking, “Shut up, as much as we involve the alternates in the program they still aren’t going to Kyrgyzstan.” Of course I wasn’t counting on a large magnitude of drop outs. I remember Bill being nervous about not getting into the program. I thought that was ridiculous. His teacher evaluations most likely were exemplary and his essay I was sure would have been nothing short of amazing. A brilliant mind, that one has. Bill’s mind is an interesting topic. In school he always got in to the “smart classes.” Junior year he made National Honor Society, our class voted him vice-president. More interesting; however, is that he wrote (and still writes) music. He plays a whole host of instruments as well.
But I wasn’t sure of myself. I always was a rather average student. Except in French in which I often accomplished something over a hundred. I always forgot something and memorizing things was never my forte. My writing assignments always had a spin that most teachers didn’t understand. As an example, I once wrote an essay entitled, “The Popularity of the Guillitine and the Equality of Execution.” In which I explained the human fascination with death and public horror complete with gory descriptions of beheadings. My teacher just didn’t understand the creativity involved in recreating such a spectacle.
So I too was nervous and to my surprise when I voiced this to Bill he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. He said that I was perfect for a thing like this. That wouldn’t be the first time he surprised me like this.
When Mrs. Gustafson announced the four alternates names I was barely listening, but I still heard them quite distinctly, Jackie Allen, Sara McAnich, Evan Parana, and Dustin Redmond. Bill looked up with surprise and SSEP became a reality of sorts.

I guess the beginning is supposed to be trying to draw readers in and slightly sarcastic, but it seemed sort of cheesy, especially when you switch to first-person perspective in the next sentence.

Sitting all around me were Carrie Lamontagne, Amy and Carrie Olewinski, Tracy McAlee, Becca Stuble, Evan Parana, Dustin Redmond, Jackie Allen, Sara McAnich, Jeff Barber, Bill Shuey, Andy Leslie, and Zach Weber
Right here, you ramble on with a whole list of names. Honestly, no one will remember any of them, and it just bores the reader. Are all these names really significant? Name a few or just name the important people, such as Bill.

We had some sort of accepted friendship through high school. Now I never hear from him..
This is a type of thing that was bothersome, too. You digressed a lot in this story, relating to your past with these people when you didn't exactly clarify why the past was important to the prose or why the past was even worth knowing. I guess we will know later on, but right now, it seems dull.

Bill’s mind is an interesting topic.
Heh... I thought this was worded in a funny way. You focus much more on his achievements than his actual mind or his thinking.

Overall, this was hard to read. There are some grammatical mistakes and everything is clumped into on big thing. You would also talk on and on about things that didn't really make sense to someone who knows nothing about you or your school. I think it could use some organization and more clarification. It doesn't really seem exciting, and I didn't see a point to this... or maybe I just missed it...