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Magnificent Mansion Chapter 4



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Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:37 am
dogs says...



Hey everyone! Dogs here. I'm really sorry this chapter is super long but I encourage you all to read it regardless! Now we start to see everyone's true colors and who can lie and who can't. The biggest problem I face in writing this chapter was trying to make a thought line that made Jacque come to one thing, and then one thing would lead to another. Which is not an easy thing to write...

Merci- Thankyou
Madame- Mrs.
Mademoiselle- Ms.
Monsieur- Mr.
Oui- Yes (pronounced wi)
s'il vous plaît- if it pleases you (or if you please)

Enjoy!!!


It took everyone in the room a moment to register what had just occurred. Louis Leroy lay dead in a puddle of his own blood and Lyla Leroy is at her knees staring at her dead husband in horror. Everyone just stared at the body dumbfounded until Dr. Roberts walked in.

“What is it? What did I miss…” his voice trailed off when he saw Louis’s dead body. “Oh… my…. God…” More tears poured from Lyla’s place onto the puddle of blood where they lie, forgotten… forever…

“Don’t touch anything!” The Colonel shouted while dressed in a robe where his large bell distended from his body. “There might be finger prints”. Lyla let out another ear shattering wail as her entire body went into spasms again and the entire house shook with grief and despair. “Will someone get her out of here!” The Colonel shouted taking his cigar out of his mouth. Kurtis bent down and tried to pull Lyla to her feet but she wouldn’t budge so he had to drag her out. Lyla’s face had been destroyed; her tears had smeared her makeup and now streaks of black roll down her face and drip on to her breast.

“I want everyone to leave this room and go home” The Colonel commanded, everyone got up to leave but Jacque’s stern voice interrupted them.

No! No, Monsieur. We must questioned them all immediately” The Colonel stuck his cigar back into his mouth and glared at Jacque, taking a step forward.

“Are you challenging my authority? Mr. Luh-Fer-Y, a dangerous game to be playing”. The Colonel’s cold gaze bore into Jacque’s eyes.

“It’s LUH-FAIR! Oui Monsieur. I was hired rather recently by Madame Lyla to study this case. And as such that Monsieur Leroy is dead it is my duty to uphold my word and solve this, no matter the cost.” Jacque took a step forward and towered over Colonel Marquez by a full 9”, the Colonel’s teeth grinded on his cigar, crushing it in his mouth.
“Honey… Jacque is right. It is best that we… do as he says. He is a professional after all…” Alice stepped forward gently rubbing her husbands shoulder.

“I’M THE GOD DAMN PROFESSIONAL HERE! You got that!” The cigar dropped from the Colonel’s mouth while he was screaming at Jacque. He took a deep breath and turned back to the massive French man. “Very well Mr. Leferre. But I assure, the police are on my side. Do not get in my way again.” He took out a small box and grabbed a new cigar and stuffed it stubbornly in his mouth and then lit it. He took a deep breath and puffed out a large black cloud and then left the room.

“Ladies and gentleman” Jacque turned toward the rest of the guests. “If I may have a few minutes alone. Please do not leave the house” Everyone grimly and quickly left the room while Jacque closed the door behind him, pulling on his white gloves he got on his knees to observe the room. In the middle was Louis’s dead body but of course, as well as Jacque knew, it was the little details that were the most important. He decided that he should finish his notes before the police arrived, which they were bound to soon.

The very first thing that Jacque noticed was how cold the room had gotten as more tears fell from the sky outside and thunder light up the room before encasing it in absolute darkness. The only light came from the small chandelier hanging over the blood writhen body. Jacque looked down and noticed that the window was open. Now who in their right mind would open their window during a thunderstorm? Jacque thought as he pulled out a notebook and a pen. He made a quick note to himself window open.

Then Jacque got up from his crouch and walked over to observe the dead body. Louis’s eyes had rolled up crossed eyed staring at the bullet embedded in his head. Which made Jacque wonder, he looked down at the revolver floating in the pool of blood. Who shoots someone and then leaves the gun on the floor? Thousands of un-answered questions were floating in Jacques head, spinning around and around and around making him dizzy. Jacque sighed and rests his head in his hand when something catches his eye. In the far corner of Louis’s room rests a single desk with a small safe sitting on top of it. The safe had been left open and it was empty. Was it always empty?

Jacque pondered this for a second and then took more notes in his book when he starts to hear footsteps clanking on the stairs. Jacque stood up quickly and was walking towards the door when something caught his eye. A small hand sized clock was sitting on the floor next to the bed. He quickly bent over and studied the clock. He took out a small evidence bag and gently placed it inside and then stuffed it into his pocket. Jacque stood up as the door opened revealing the Colonel followed by a handful of Police officers.

“Mr. Leferre” The Colonel gave him a charming smile. “If you would please excuse us while we utilize this room. Question the guests if you like” The Colonel stepped aside and motioned towards the door. Jacque smiled and walked out of the room that still reeked of death and decay. He walked down the stairs where everyone was sitting with dismay hanging in the air. Lyla and Kurtis were sitting on the couch together, Lyla was still sobbing but had calmed down for the most part while Kurtis had a protective arm around her and rubbing her back, cooing calming words. Alice was clearly distraught while she nervously stroked her blond hair time and time again. Lucinda was shaking in her husband’s arms while Cubilla was pacing back and forth behind the couch while biting on her nails.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Jacque said politely interrupting the silence. “Given the events of what happened today, I will be needing to interview you each individually. Starting with Madame Lyla” Jacque turned towards Lyla who looked up in shock. She got up slowly while Kurtis was holding her in case she fell and walked her over to the bridge room where Jacque motioned for them to go in.

“Kurtis, I’m fine. I can handle myself thank you” Lyla shook off Kurtis’s hands and stood erect, walking into the room and taking a seat at one of the bridge tables. Jacque shut the door behind him and took his seat across from Lyla.

“So, Madame Lyla. I am truly sorry for your husband” Lyla sniffled.

“Yeah.” There was a long silence. “So am I... I guess”

Jacque pursed his lips, wondering about how he should approach the situation. “Madame Lyla, when your husband was shot there were a few things that were very peculiar”

“Like the fact that he was dead…” Lyla turned away and there was yet another long silence. Jacque sighed.

“The window was left open, in the middle of a rain storm. Does you husband usually do that?” Lyla took a long sigh and turned back to Jacque, submitting herself to his interrogation.

“No. No of course not. No he does not. He wouldn’t ever leave the window open. Must less during a thunder storm.” Jacque took some notes down in his little book.

“And also the safe on his desk…”

“Yes? What of it?”

“Well, has it always been empty?”

“Empty?! What are you talking about?!”

“Well Madame, when we entered the room the safe was left open and empty.”

“WHAT!” Lyla got up from her seat now furious. “There was more then 100 quid in that safe! And Louis wouldn’t dare leave it open.” Lyla narrowed her eyes.

“I assure you Madame, I am going to get to the bottom of this case. Just one more question, does this mean anything to you?” Jacque held out the clock in his evidence bag. Lyla’s face still remained un-changed.

“It was the bedside clock. It never moved. Why?”

“No reason Madame, Merci. But real quick, do you have any Idea who killed your husband?” Lyla pondered this for a moment and looked up back to Jacque.

“Not a clue, I wish I knew”

Ah, so do I. And please s'il vous plaît send in Madame Lucinda” Lyla got up to leave.

“Thank you Jacque. And yes of course.” She walked out the doors and Jacque waited as a moment passed and Lucinda walked through the doors. Lucinda sat down at the chair opposite to Jacque and folded her hands in her lap.

“Madame Roberts. Where were you when the murder was committed?” Jacque inquired leaning forward a little, leaning on his arms.

“Why of course! I was banging on the bathroom door that Cubilla was in. Trying to get my Goddamn money back! That girl can’t be trusted take my word for it Mr. Leferre”. Lucinda crossed her legs and looked at Jacque who smiled.

“Merci Madame, at the scene of the crime there was an empty safe sitting in the corner that previously had over 100 quid…” Lucinda let out a dramatic gasp “does that mean anything to you Madame Roberts?”

“Why of course not! I don’t steal money; just who do you think I am? Do I look like a murderer to you Mr. Leferre!?”

“No, Madame Roberts, you do not look like a murderer to me. But neither does everyone in that room. Nobody looks like a murderer to me. Madame Roberts, before you leave I have one more quick question.”

“And what’s that?”

“Who do you think killed Monsieur Louis?” Lucinda thought for a minute and then let out a coy smile.

“Well now that you mention the money and the safe…”

“Yes Madame?”

“Well it’s obvious isn’t it! It’s Cubilla Black of course! How stupid we must be! That woman is an insufferable drunk who can’t be controlled. She will do anything for money, whatever the costs. This was the perfect opportunity oh it must be true!” Lucinda leapt up in excitement. Jacque furrowed his brow.

“But Madame, Cubilla was in the bathroom re-doing her make up and you were pounding on the door as you said before” Jacque gave Lucinda a suspicious look while her smile faded slightly.

“Well... um... I didn’t actually see her go into the bathroom! It was locked and I just assumed she was in there because she said she was going to ‘powder her nose’. Oh that women… I can’t stand her! Did you know that she didn’t get a big job because it got out that she was a drunk! Ghastly, simply ghastly, it is obvious don’t you see?”

“Thank you Madame Roberts that will be all.” Jacque smiled politely. Lucinda left the room as Jacque rubbed his eyes tiredly. No sleep tonight it seems. Next Alice walked in timidly, still nervously stroking her hair.

“Madame Marquez, please sit” Jacque offered to the chair across from him. Alice still looked around puzzled.

“What…? Oh yes! Um… of course, yes yes of course” Alice walked slowly over to the chair and took her seat.

“So, Madame Marquez, where were you when the shot was fired?” Alice looked around nervously for a moment and then, realizing something was said, focused in on Jacque.

“What…?”
“Where were you when Louis Leroy was killed?”

“Oh… yes of course. I was with my husband in his room.”

“And what was your husband doing?”

“Well, he was getting ready for bed. He put on his bathrobe and sat on the bed but he never went to sleep. Eventually I got tired of trying to urge him to go downstairs and I walked into the hallway next to Louis door at about 11:30 something…”

“Can you be a little more specific Madame?” Alice frowned.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Leferre but I’m not sure about the exact time. I checked my watch about 5 or so minutes before I left the room and it was 11:31 exactly as I remember. A few minutes later I walked into the hall and took a right into the bathroom to fix my lipstick, I had ruined it while eating dinner and I haven’t bothered to fix it sense.”

“And at did you notice anything out of the ordinary a little before murder?”

“No not at all… well actually… now that you mention I do remember one thing in particular” Jacque leaned forward, intrigued with his notebook open and ready.

“Yes Madame?”

“Well before the shot I distinctly remember look down at my watch, it was precisely 11:40 and when I walked out of the bathroom, I noticed that Herbert, the butler, was walking out of Louis’s room.” Jacque furrowed his brow and scrunched is face, giving Alice a puzzled look.

“Are you positive about this Madame? Was it exactly 11:40? Are you sure?”

“Yes I am quite sure Mr. Leferre! I know exactly what I saw and I had looked down at my watch in it said precisely 11:40. Why what’s wrong Mr. Leferre?”

“Nothing Madame, nothing…” Jacque’s voice trailed off, deep in thought. Herbert had never gone up the stairs and that was the only way to get to the second level. Jacque and Lyla had been sitting at the entrance and the only people that went up the stairs were Lucinda, Cubilla, and Kurtis… and then it hit Jacque like a slap in the face. Dr. Roberts didn’t go up the stairs either. He didn’t even come out of the bridge room. Had he gone up the stairs after the gunshot to see everything Jacque would have heard his “clacking” footsteps on the stairs. If he didn’t come up the stars…. Where did he come from?


TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032
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Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:26 am
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hudz96 says...



wow and the mystery becomes even MORE mysterious..

Okae sorry about this but a little bit of errors luv.

She will do anything for money, whatever the costs


I think it should actually be just cost.

A few minutes later I walked into the hall and took a right into the bathroom to fix my lipstick, I had ruined it while eating dinner and I haven’t bothered to fix it sense.


since

“Well before the shot I distinctly remember look down at my watch,


looking down

that Herbert, the butler, was walking out of Louis’s room


Maybe it would be better if you said Herbert, the butler. He was walking out of .....


Buts thats all. Ugh the suspense keep writing!!!
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Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:31 am
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NightWriter says...



This is getting better and better! I CANNOT wait for the next chapter!
Before I start rambling on how amazing it was, there was just one thing at the beginning:

It took everyone in the room a moment to register what had just occurred. Louis Leroy lay dead in a puddle of his own blood and Lyla Leroy is at her knees staring at her dead husband in horror. Everyone just stared at the body dumbfounded until Dr. Roberts walked in.


It goes from 'lay' to 'is', which is past and present. I'm not sure if you intended to do that or not, but either way it's not a big deal!

And one more thing,
Jacque took a step forward and towered over Colonel Marquez by a full 9”, the Colonel’s teeth grinded on his cigar, crushing it in his mouth.


It would sound more connected with a full stop instead of a comma after 9". :) That's it!
Okay, onto the way more important stuff:
first:

“I’M THE GOD DAMN PROFESSIONAL HERE! You got that!”

Love that. Love it to bits, actually. Talk about so much melodrama it's almost funny! Really good and it gives the Colonel so much charisma!
This bit is also good:
grabbed a new cigar and stuffed it stubbornly in his mouth and then lit it

Nothing particular about it, but it's just one of those actions that tells a lot about your character and his attitude. Good, good, good :)

As I'm rereading this, I'm already coming up with ideas of what could be happening, who it could have been etc. It's fantastic - like a real novel!

I hate to offer correction to your work, because to be honest, you write in this genre so much better than me, but another thing:
“Yeah.” There was a long silence. “So am I... I guess”

To me, it just felt like maybe Lyla should be more...I don't know, sophisticated? Yeah is pretty slang-sounding. Still, your character, your words.

Sorry:
“No reason Madame, Merci. But real quick, do you have any Idea who killed your husband?”

The 'i' in 'idea' shouldn't be a capital :)

Madame Roberts is amazing. She has a really, really distinct personality and I love it.

And wow. The last sentence actually scared me. That one hanging question.
You are amazing. This story is riveting and I'm holding out for the next chapter!

NightWriter x
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