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Why Ch.10



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Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:02 am
Black Ghost says...



A blue mustang pulled up into the driveway of a two story house with a biege roof. A woman inside with long brown hair took her keys out of the ignition, and accidentally dropped them on the floor. The woman was wearing a black buisness suit, and had just come home from work.

Great, she thought.

She bent down under the steering wheel and attempted to find them in the darkness. It was close to five o'clock and it was that time of year when days got dark fast. The woman thought this time of year was particularly depressing, since she loved sunshine.

Feeling around on the floor, she reminded herself that she could simply turn on the car lights. She hit her head on the steering wheel getting back up. She grasped the back of her head and groaned. She angrily clicked on the light and looked down.

Her keys were far back in the corner so she reached for them once again, now able to see clearly. She was about to pick up the keys when her cell phone started to ring, playing a Christmas tune. The woman was the kind of person who always procrastinated, and still hadn't changed her cell phone tune from Christmas, which was over three months ago.

The phone startled her so much that she hit her head on the steering wheel once again. She gritted her teeth in pain but then took a deep breath. She grabbed her keys and sat back up in her seat.

She then quickly ripped her phone out of her purse and flipped it open.

"Hello?" she asked, slightly annoyed.

"Is that how you speak to your best friend?" the voice on the line was that of another woman's.

"Oh, It's just you, Janet," The woman said, rubbing her head. "Sorry, I was just having some bad luck right now."

"Well, you're forgiven then, Molly. Now you don't have to live your life in misery because you offended the mighty Janet."

"Thanks," replied Molly, rolling her eyes, “Anyway I was just getting out of my car, and I really feel like going up to bed soon. Anything in particular you wanted to talk to me about?"

"No, not really. But can't a friend just call another friend when they want some company?"

"There's nothing on T.V, right?" replied Molly, knowing Janet all too well.

"Bingo. And I just got that new satellite hook-up! On the phone the satellite guys made it seem like I would be getting 500 good channels. You should see the crap they gave me! Have you ever heard of the stamp collecting channel?"

“Stamp collecting channel?” repeated Molly, incredulous, “That is crap.”

"Tell me about it. Gosh, I even feel like watching the news! It must be more interesting than anything else that’s on. Maybe some billionaire got robbed, that would be good for a laugh!" Janet said, snickering.

Molly got out of her car and shut the door. “Janet, I have such a headache, can we please talk some other time?” she begged.

"Come on, Molly! You are such a bore. All you do is work all day and come home exhausted. You’re lucky I’ve been your friend all these years. Loosen up a bit, for heaven’s sake! Why don’t you skip the nap and come on over?"

“I can’t, Janet. Joe should be home from the park any minute and I haven’t even prepared any dinner.” She replied.

Janet gave a snort.

"Molly, that boy of yours is fourteen. I am pretty sure he can handle making some dinner on his own. Please, Molly, we haven’t been spending any time together lately! Can’t you come over for even a half hour?"

Molly gave a sigh as she climbed up her driveway, towards her front door.

“Look, I don’t know, Janet. I mean I’m really tired, can’t we do this another time?”

"Fine, Molly, you’ve made me do it. I am watching the news. That is how bored you’ve made—OH MY GOD!" Shouted Janet.

“What is it, Janet?” questioned Molly.

"On th-the news!" she stammered, "Oh, My God, I don’t believe it!"

“Janet, just tell me what it is!” said Molly, taking out her keys to open the door.

"Molly, it’s JOE!" She screamed. Molly dropped her keys again.

“WHAT?” she yelled, “MY Joe?”

"WHO ELSE, MOLLY!" Janet shouted in reply.

“I DON’T KNOW, JANET, YOU GO OUT WITH A DIFFERENT GUY EACH WEEK, MAYBE YOU KNOW A JOE!” Molly cried.

"Calm down, Molly! Joe’s at the grocery store near the park. There’s been a robbery, and Joe was in the store! Molly!"

But Molly had stopped talking. She was already inside her car, turning on the ignition. She backed up out of her driveway, turned, and sped towards the park.
Last edited by Black Ghost on Thu Mar 02, 2006 1:17 am, edited 3 times in total.
  





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Wed Mar 01, 2006 7:39 am
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Swires says...



Again good job, paced out story. However Italics are usually used for thoughts, I would put all the phone conversation in speech marks to avoid confusion by the readers.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG
  





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Sat Mar 04, 2006 7:41 pm
-KayJuran- says...



i agree with ^

speech marks definately needed here, rather than italics but besides that the plot was good. waiting to read more..! :wink:
  








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