This is the first chapter of a book I've been working on, I'd really like some help with it!
9am
Emily sat at the back of the classroom, her eyes wandering over her new classroom; coloured posters coated the walls, The teachers desk crammed in a corner, Littered with papers and pens, as if she wanted the class to think she was cool, just as forced into the daily ritual of school as they had been.
Emily’s book sat out upon the tagged and ill treated lid of her desk, She knew she must make every member of her new class believe she was a normal, slightly shy teenage girl, maybe that way she could start to believe it herself.
An unbelievable large smile seemed fixed to her face, inside she felt like crying, inside she felt as if she was dying, slowly withering away without anybody on the outside giving her so much as a second glance, she was good at blending into the back round, sticking to the shadows until she felt it was her time.
It was a new year, a new school and a new class, nobody who slipped through the pale pink door to room H.14, nobody who high fifed their best friends as they moved through the class, nobody who whispered excitedly into the ear of a new friend knew of the dark being that lurked deep inside Emily’s small and frail body like a monster waiting to break free, Not one of those smiling, laughing faces knew of the destruction and misery one small, mousy girl could cause, Emily thought it was about time they were told.
She resisted the ever growing urges to start spitting and hissing, calling out horrible words and breaking each teen spirit as it ambled through the door, something was stopping her, a mysterious figure in the dark corner, hunched over a book, his heart called to hers, one broken sole searching for the other.
Emily wriggled slightly in her seat, butterflies threw themselves in death roles inside her stomach, she had never felt this feeling before, Emily had never connected with anybody, not since she was a two year old girl, she had kept her distance, scared of caring for somebody, for somebody caring for her.
Questions swam through her mind, ideas bounced inside her, Was he too filled with the deep longing that gnawed at Emily every day, was there a dark monster, a brother to her own stirring inside him, were each of his arms decorated with the angry lines, the deep, throbbing slits that ruled her life?
In all her life time, all her 15 long and painful years Emily had never felt such longing to be with another, she had never meet a soul possessing the hurt and mystery her own did. She had never laid eyes on a person whose heart had been torn and shredded as the one that sat beating in her chest.
A loud shrilling rang through Emily’s ears and she looked up at the clock, the large hand slowly shifted, 9am, it was official, her new canvas was lying ready to have her destruction and hate spread across it, her snarled comments and words scaring each young life, leaving her personal mark, her brand on each young mind.
The shadow stirred, his legs crossing and uncrossing under the table, Emily watched them, following their movements, captivated, feeling the same feeling she left people with after stamping on their lives.
He slowly turned, as if he could feel Emily’s eyes on the back of his head, her warm breath on his neck, her heart screaming a reply to his lonely call. His deep brown eyes locked with hers, looking deep within her and into her heart, watching the demon that was slowly waking within her.
Emily looked away, her cheeks burning scarlet, but she could still feel the shadows eyes on her, those deep brown eyes that swam with intense longing, pain and destruction, crawling all over her body, every inch of her body being explored visually, like a spider, filled with deadly venom and ready to bite.
She watched her new classmates, trying to pick up their habits, trying to ignore the eyes that would not falter, would not come out of their trance, Emily watched trying to work out their weaknesses, if her parents had ever taught her anything, it was that watching was the best method for learning, if she watched long enough she would pick up each individuals pattern, the people they cared for the most, the people they would risk their own lives for, you see Emily knew making people watch the person they loved the most wither and die, suffering slowly, their morals and values being forgotten was worse, was more painful and damaging than death itself.
So Emily sat and observed, she studied her peers as they laughed and screeched with delight but she too could feel herself being studied, her every move being noted, the shadow had learned the same lesson as her, watching is the best method for learning, but what did he want to learn about her?
“Right Class, Good morning, I am Miss Attwood” A voice suddenly boomed over all the noise, a middle aged lady with a toothy grin and a head of fiery red hair stood in the doorway, books and folders pilled in her arms, almost reaching her nose.
Emily looked her up and down, making her first and steadfast impression of her teacher and for a relived moment she felt the shadows eyes fall off her, presumable to do the same, to make a judgement based on the way this woman acted in the next three seconds.
The woman stepped forward, closing the door behind her with her foot, clearing her thought, something was about to happen, Emily could feel it, The teacher threw the papers across the floor, sending them skidding across the polished wood and snapping the heads of all the students in her direction, the room fell silent and Emily sat listening to her own heartbeat, knowing she was not the only person in the room listening to its rhythmic beat, knowing the shadow was hearing it too.
“Wow that really worked a charm, I, like I said am Miss Attwood and you, I hope are my class” She panted, her eyes scanning the sea of faces, Nameless, directionless faces waiting to be ordered, waiting for their normal, less that glamorous lives to kick in, the holidays events, fading quickly behind them.
Emily felt the eyes land on her, looking her up and down, just as she had done to her and the Shadow had done, it was stupid how people used a persons image or actions to judge them, Emily had just done it, she had decided she did not like her new teacher in the slightest because one of her eyes seemed slightly lazy and she had what Emily would describe as a Hormonal temper, up and down like you would expect the students to be.
“Well you know me so what about you, we’ll start with a game, say your name and an animal that starts with your first initial, So for me it would be Tammy the Tiger.” Miss Attwood spat, Emily realised with a thud of anger that she would be first.
“How about you?” Miss Attwood smiled, pointing without a doubt straight at Emily’s chest, burning a hole right through the middle of her, barely missing her heart, creating a peep hole for the monster who now lay, curled in a ball of her own fur, one green eye open, waiting for a sign.
Emily watched as the sea of faces turned on her, 18 sets of eyes, 28 souls for the taking, their arms outstretched, screaming “Take me now”, she smiled broadly like she had earlier, this time making it sugary and appear painted on.
“I, I am Emily, Emily the Echidna” She cooed, kicking herself for not thinking of something along the lines of “Emily the Exterminator, Emily the Extravagantly dangerous, something that would intrigue her classmates, yet set of their personal raiders and alarm systems.
“Well that’s wonderful dear, see, Emily has done it perfectly, now lets have you” Miss Attwood smiled cheerfully as she selected another student and Emily was forgotten.
Emily paid special attention to the names that sprang from all four corners of the classroom, Amy the Ant eater, Lilly the Leap frog, James the Jaguar, Mike the Monkey, normal everyday animals, for normal, everyday students, that was until of coarse the sea turned towards the shadow.
“I” he purred coolly, Emily picked then that he was also new, his eyes wandered the other students nervously and their own eyes made a judgement, creating an image of the person they expected the shadow to be.
“I am a” he seemed to be considering his options, using a dramatic pause to hold everybody’s attention, Emily’s beady eyes desperately searched for his, she wanted to know his name so badly it ached, her whole body ached.
“Zinate, I am a Zinate and my name is Zachary” he smiled; his smile was slightly crooked, hanging sideways on his face. The sea of faces starred at him, confusion swept across their faces, Emily just suppressed a giggle.
“Now come on Zachary, what animal are you?” Miss Attwood asked sternly, her face was set in a I-don’t-have-time-to-deal-with-students-who-think-they’re-smart. Emily smiled again, she was glad she wasn’t on the receiving end of that look, it could send planes hurtling towards earth, make military veterans cry, that woman had a gift.
“I am a Zinate, a mythical creature with the head of a dragon, skin a hot shade of red, two legs and a hunger for human blood” he smiled then, his smile still hanging side ways on his face but this time it looked appetising, absolutely delicious.
“OK, moving right along” Miss Attwood drew out a deep breath, laughing nervously and drawing the classes attention away from Zachary, Emily understood him better than any of them would, she understood the urges, the gut feelings, the monsters.
The teacher instructed the class to pair off as she scribbled directions on the board, with her back turned she did not notice Zachary push his chair away from his desk noisily, she did not see him sway towards Emily, his smile going right through her.
Zachary took a seat beside Emily and without saying a word looked in the direction of the teacher, Emily watched him, he wasn’t watching Miss Attwood, he wasn’t paying attention to what she was writing, he was studying her.
“Emily” he finally crocked as the class erupted into a mass of moving teens, Emily and Zachary sat in silence watching as people buzzed around, desperate to find somebody to pair up with, somebody who wasn’t below them on the school social scale.
“Hey Zinate” Emily laughed, taking in the shape of his face, his harsh lines, crooked smile and those captivating eyes. Zachary leaned forward, Emily could tell he was watching her lips move, his closeness to her body, his heat hitting her in waves, in this position Emily felt comfortable, as if they were the perfect couple from a teen movie, the sports star and head cheerleader that swapped saliva everyday.
“Your just like me, Emily” he whispered slowly, not daring to raise his voice over the constant hum of the class, swirling around them. Emily felt her eyes dance, she felt the butterflies flip around inside her, the monster stir as it watched his struggle to find the right words.
“Broken hearted, torn essence” She whispered, turning away as a single tear rolled down her cheek, it hurt to say it, it hurt to think it, but she was stuck as they person she was so she was going to use it to her full advantage.
“Hey, I know its not great but its not that bad to be that same” he laughed. Emily turned towards him and almost burst, to her, it was, it was the worst thing to be the same as somebody, to be able to relate to them, maybe even love them, it was just a complication, she didn’t want it.
Emily sat ridged the whole lesson, only asking one question, “what happened to you? Why are you the way you, I mean we are?” she had asked with a gulp, this would make or break anything that could happen, any friendship that may evolve, friendship it sounded foreign to Emily, she had never owned a friend, never spared a soul.
Zachary looked straight ahead, scribbling down the task as fast as Miss Attwood could concoct it. He started talking, without turning, not one part of his body expressing a shiver, not one inch of his being halting.
“I never got a chance at a normal life” He faltered, Emily’s heart sank, she knew within an instant that Zachary wasn’t a torn soul, he was just living in a twisted reality, His life was based on one event, one problem, one un ravelling stich in his story, he was normal.
“My Mother died during my birth, My father, he never handled it well, drank his life away, he died that day too, his life was over, he was straddled with a baby and left without the one true love of his life, I never got to know him, he committed suicide when I was 3 months old, left me with my Aunty one day and I never saw him again, of coarse I can’t remember it but my Aunty used to remind me of it everyday”. Zachary smiled and instantly everything about him appeared fake, everything seemed forced, not just his smile but also the twinkle in his eye, the way he looked, sounded and acted, it all seemed so surreal, so unbelievable.
“So I was packed off to my Aunties for good, she couldn’t stand me, I was a constant reminder that her only brother had died, that her only brother and screwed everything up for himself and now she was cleaning up after him” with that he laughed out loud, Emily felt the coldness in his laugh sweep over her, the harshness of his words hitting her again and again.
“She wouldn’t take me out, just left me in my room, she was ashamed of me, of my father for messing up so bad, there was a single photo of my parents in my room, I felt a little like Harry Potter really, stuck with this evil aunty who was ashamed of my parents, that’s what got me along, thinking I was some great wizard” Emily just listened, she felt cold, his life was so different to hers but she couldn’t deny the calling, the familiar sound of his voice, the cold and harsh feelings, identical to hers, he was her.
He started to quiver slightly and Emily touched the top of his hand, just brushed hers over his to let him know it was ok, to reassure him. She could hardly imagine his life, hers was worse, to her his sounded like a dream but she knew, this was his nightmare, to him, there was nothing worse in the world. To him this was hell.
“That’s when I started hurting people, I wanted to make myself feel better than they did, I was only seven when I drove my Aunty to suicide, she threw herself from the balcony, I saw everything, after that there was no turning back, I’ve moved from school to school, living with different carers, different relatives but they’ve all pushed me away, They don’t understand me.” He stopped and finally looked at Emily, this time his eyes stayed with hers, he was looking at her, not through her, his face was twisted into a deep frown. Emily knew that he was different, Zachary was ashamed of what he did, of what he does, he wanted to break the habit, maybe even break Emily of the Habit, but that would never happen, pain was Emily’s life it was her existence.
She shifted slightly and gazed at the clock, 9.35, she knew now that he would ask, she knew now there was time for her to explain, but it would take longer than 25 minutes for Zachary to digest what she would say, to take it all in, to understand it in the way she understood his story.
She decided then and there that Zachary was nothing special, they could never have a friendship, he was just another pointless spirit waiting to be snatched, but there was still that familiarity that she could not brush off, Zachary was a complication.
“So Emily, what about you?” he asked, watching her every move, Emily felt like an animal under headlights, she was suck, she could try to deny him, try to forget his question, maybe change the subject but he would work her out, he would catch her off guard, she would forever be under his constant watch, his supervision.
She looked bleakly at him and he continued, being carried away with his thoughts, spilling them out on occasion to share with Emily, it almost amused her, the way he sounded so poetic, so rehearsed but at the same time stumbled over his words, confused his sentences and made a mess of the whole situation.
“Why are you so haunted? What’s deep inside your, your, deep inside your being, what’s in your core, what awakens the demon that’s lives inside you, what's really going on inside the head, inside the mind, inside Emily?” he stumbled.
Emily had never told anybody her story, they story of Emily Slate, it was supposed to go with her to her grave, dead and buried for people to forget, for people to never fully understand, for people to realise they miss, the second she’s gone, her story didn’t belong in somebody else's head, racing through somebody else’s mind, but she couldn’t help herself, Zachary had nobody to tell anyway, he probably smoked dope, he would probably forget tomorrow.
“When I was two my Mother gave birth to a baby, my baby sister, Indiana Maria, That’s when it started” She spat and once she started she couldn’t stop, the constant dribble wouldn’t end, she told Zachary everything there was to know, she told him more than she knew.
“I come from a happy, normal, suburban family, almost Americanised, we went to the park and brought ice creams, we made home movies, dad loved making home movies, he always had his hand plastered to the camera, laughing at me and mum as we danced around the living room, we were perfect everybody knew us.
But when Indiana was born I got jealous, everybody wanted to see the gorgeous new baby, the one I was supposed to be lucky to have, I couldn’t handle Indiana getting everything that was rightfully mine, I couldn’t handle not being in the lime light, watching my sister get all the attention.”
Emily stopped, the next part sounded so horrible, it sounded like part of a terrible horror movie, even she had problems believing it, she knew Zachary would, it sounded so revolting, even to her and she said it in her head, repeating it over and over every night before she dropped away into a land of haunted dreams and lost sleep.
“I killed her, I crept into Indiana’s room on Saturday the 6th of May 1992 and I whispered in snarls to her, explaining why I hated her so much, telling her what she took from me, I pushed a chair up beside her crib and pulled her out, cradling her in my arms, just the way mum had shown me, the way I held my dolls in the photos that covered the mantel piece.
I Lifted her as high as my two-year-old arms could handle, still standing on the chair, that stupid chair, if I hadn’t been standing on it Indiana would have survived, my family would have survived.
I dropped her, I can’t remember the next few seconds, I know I laughed, when I dropped her, I laughed, when she hit the ground, I laughed, when the pool of blood appeared on the white carpet, when she started sobbing, chocking on her own blood, making gurgling noises, I laughed.
Mum came into the room then, well that’s what she told me, she told me I was leaning towards Indiana, my little hands in her pool of blood, the very hands that had killed her, mum says I was kissing Indiana goodnight, Indiana’s last kiss, planted on her forehead.”
Emily watched as Zachary shivered, he knew as well as her that a two-year-old could never intend to kill somebody, especially her own flesh and blood but the cold-hearted way in which it was done was the part that Emily regretted the most, smothering her, standing on her, anything would be less revolting that dropping her off a chair, laughing as she died.
The class was buzzing around them, going on with their lives, none of them knew of Emily’s past, they were oblivious to the fact that Emily had just spilled her biggest secret, she went on, knowing she must finish the story.
“Mum thought she had fallen from her crib and I had witnessed her unfair and shocking death, she completely ignored the chair that stood beside the crib, dad didn’t, he was suspicious, he asked me what I had been doing, I told him I was playing with my dolls and had run in when I heard Indiana scream, then he asked why my dolls were packed away, I said I didn’t know, Mum stuck up for me, said I was confused, my sister had just died in a horrific accident, dad stormed out, he swore then screamed “Yeah, big bloody accident” I’ll never forget the way he looked at me from then on, as if I was to be sent to the pits of hell, he knew, and he let me know he knew.
Three days later he went back to work, he told mum he needed a distraction, Mum thought it was a distraction from the death of Indiana but I knew it was a distraction from the fact I was still living, he never came home that night, Mum got worried, she called police, friends, anybody she could, she couldn’t handle losing another loved one, she couldn’t stand it, they searched for dad for weeks, that was until they found him, his body sprawled across the rocks, his blood, my blood, pooled around him, he had gone to the batch, the place he had called “Our get away” he used to take me there, just me and him for weeks on end, especially while mum was pregnant, she would go to her sisters and we would go to the batch, When mum went to pack up the batch because she couldn’t handle it anymore she noticed something, every photo of me and dad, every drawing I had done was missing, gone.
I killed my baby sister, I caused my fathers death, my mother died too, her body remains on this earth, but her sole died the second we entered the batch, she knows I did it now, she believes dad was right, he wouldn’t end his life on a hutch.
Every morning when I sit across the table from Mum she looks past me, we barley talk, in my eyes she can see my sister, the girl she should be growing into, she can see my father, I’m a constant reminder of the perfect life she had”
Emily finished with a shudder and studied Zachary’s face, he looked stunned, just as she felt, he opened his mouth but Miss Attwood’s booming voice filled every corner of the room, bouncing off the walls and ringing in Emily’s ears.
“Emily and Zachary, what about you?” Emily looked blankly at Zachary who mirrored the expression to the teacher, where they meant to be doing something? Nobody else in the class seemed to be working, nobody but her had books out.
“What have you learned about each other?” She asked, Zachary stood, scrapping back his chair and startling Emily, he couldn’t repeat anything she had just said, there was no way, he couldn’t do this to her, Emily started to fidget, getting ready to stand and object to his bizarre ideas about her life.
“I have learned that Emily Slate lives with her mother in the house they have lived in since she was little, her Father loves making home movies and taking Emily to the family Batch and her younger sister Indiana was a gorgeous baby.” He smiled broadly in Emily’s direction before taking his seat and kicking her teasingly under the table.
Emily stood and watched the sea of faces, Zachary was smart, he had told the truth but left out some major details, what details of his life was she expected to leave out, what parts should she use? It was so confusing, manipulating somebody’s life to suit the occasion.
“Zachary has an Aunty named Lilly and he, um, he” Emily gulped, she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t bend the truth for somebody else, it was easy when she was doing it for herself, creating a life of her own.
She looked around the sea of expecting faces, her eyes feel on a guy named Mitch who had a bright red shirt sticking out from under his grey school top. She then watched as Rachel and Michele poured over a list of movie times, probably deciding on their weekend entertainment.
“Zachary’s favourite colour is bright red and he’s a real movie buff” She stuttered, some of the faces had turned away, her eyes scanned a few nameless faces, all of which had school badges pinned to their jumpers, one read “Soccer” another “extreme sports”, the last readable one “Computers team”.
“He also likes playing computer games based on extreme sports and plays soccer.” She smiled Miss Attwood seemed satisfied. Emily fell to her seat, releasing a sigh of relieve as Zachary rolled his eyes, “Extreme sport computer games” he mouthed before suppressing a laugh, Emily laughed too, she had pulled it off.
The loud shrill of the bell surround Emily and the class stirred into a mess of teens determined to leave English behind them, Emily watched as Zachary stood and waltzed out of the room, he didn’t have a school bag, no books in hand, he didn’t need to be at school.
Emily glanced at the clock again, she had survived the first hour, she had spilled her biggest secret but she had survived it, 10am.
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