Shift, Chapter One

9 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1072
Reviews 27
--This is the work of MiddleEarthGal, and may not be reproduced, or used in any form or fashion without permission.--

As she walked down the small, busy hallway of Lincoln High school on her way to history class, Wynter wondered what she was going to do over summer vacation. I guess I’ll just get a job, and see what happens after that.

As she took her usual seat, she watched the rest of the class file in, chatting with one another.

A petite girl with short, strawberry blonde hair sat next to her. “Hey Wynter, what’s up?”

Wynter shrugged. “Not much, Sherry. Just wondering about what I’m going to do with my life as usual.”

Sherry giggled, and her gray eyes twinkled. “You know you’ll have something come up, you’re such a great gal, I bet you’ll find something to do soon.”

“I hope so.”

The teacher entered, and the classroom fell silent. Mrs. Lillian Berkley was Wynter’s favorite teacher. She was in her mid-fifties, had blonde hair and soft blue eyes, and although she seemed rough and callous, she had a lot in common with Wynter. Both had been orphaned when they were small children, and they liked a lot of the same things, History being the main one.

Wynter had been busy with finals all week, and she had saved the best for last.

As Mrs. Berkley handed out the tests, Wynter let her mind wander. The last day of school. Wow.

Mrs. Berkley handed Wynter her test, and smiled at her. “Good luck, Miss Lereaux.” She said with a slight southern drawl.

“Thanks, Mrs. Berkley.”

Mrs. Berkley simply nodded, and returned to her desk. “Alright, class. You may begin your test.”

Wynter opened her test, and read the first question. Who said “To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.”?

Wynter immediately wrote the answer. George Washington.

She was done before the rest of the class, so she sat in her chair, and drew in her notepad.

When the bell rang, Mrs. Berkley stood. "If any of you would like, you may sit and wait for me to grade your tests, otherwise I will let you know what you scored tomorrow." She announced.

Most of the students left as early as possible, but Wynter and Sherry walked to and from school every day, so they decided to wait, along with one other boy.


Mrs. Berkley called for the boy in the back, and handed him his test. “Good job, Jim, you successfully reversed the roles of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. I’m sorry, but you have failed this test. I’ll see you for summer school.”

Jim sighed, took his paper, and walked out, leaving the three women to themselves.


Sherry gulped. “I hope I didn’t do too bad, I really studied hard for this test.” She whispered to Wynter.


“You did just fine, Miss Parker. You made a ninety.” Mrs. Berkley said with a small smile.


Sherry whooped, and grinned at Mrs. Berkley. “Thanks Mrs. Berkley! I’ll be waiting outside for you, Wynter.” She went out to her locker with a skip in her step, barely containing her joy.


Mrs. Berkley looked up at Wynter. “How are you today, Wynter?”


Wynter smiled at her. “I’m doing fine, I guess.” She said without making eye contact with Berkley.


“You guess? There’s something bothering you, Wynter.” Mrs. Berkley prodded.


Wynter sighed. “It’s just that I’ll be turning sixteen in two days and…”


Mrs. Berkley’s eyes filled with compassion, and she gave Wynter a hug. “Your mother and father aren’t here to share it with you.”


Wynter nodded, and felt her eyes filling with tears. She bit them back, and said, “It’s just that I wonder sometimes if what I’m doing would have pleased them. I wonder if they would be happy with the fifteen year old I am.”


Mrs. Berkley looked Wynter in the eye. ”Wynter Lereaux, I can promise you they would be happy. I know what you feel like; I’ve felt the same way. Just be pleased with who you are, and you’ll find life a happier place.”


Wynter smiled at her teacher. “Thanks, Mrs. Berkley that means a lot to me.” She looked at her watch. ”I’d better be going, or I’ll be late for supper.”


Mrs. Berkley nodded. “Alright. Happy early birthday, Wynter, I hope you have a wonderful summer.”


“Thanks, same to you, Mrs. Berkley.”


“Oh, and Wynter? You passed with flying colors, as usual.”


Wynter gave Mrs. Berkley another small smile. “Well, that’s a nice thing to hear. See you next year, Mrs. Berkley.” She walked out of the classroom, and went to her locker.


As she was getting the last of her things put into her backpack, Sherry walked up. “Almost done, Sherry.”


“I’m in no rush, I’m only going home to be greeted by George, who will no doubt be ready with another lesson on how to be the perfect daughter.” She twirled her hair behind her head and put on her best smile, then made a gagging noise, and stuck her tongue out at the thought of another one of George's lessons.


It was no secret that Sherry Parker was one of the richest kids in the state, her dad was a plastic surgeon, and her mom was usually travelling the world, hosting a show for the Travel Channel. They owned a huge mansion, that was just a couple blocks away from Wynter’s house, and Sherry was over almost every day to play video games or sometimes just to get away from everything, not that her parents ever noticed.


“Well, you can come over for supper if you want, I’m sure Uncle Greg and Aunt Donna don’t mind.” Wynter offered.


Sherry perked up immediately. ”Thanks, Wyn, you’re the best!” She opened her cell phone, and called George, the family butler, informing him that she wouldn’t be home for supper.


Wynter laughed. “Anytime.”


The two girls walked out of the school into the warm sunshine. Wynter rolled the sleeves up on her T-shirt, and put her sunglasses on, concealing her bright emerald green eyes. They started walking towards Wynter’s house, which was about four blocks away.


They passed Sherry’s mansion, and then they came upon a different mansion. This mansion would have been better described as a palace, with its huge towers on the east and west ends, and the thousands of acres of land that spread far behind it into the country side. “I wonder who lives there.” Wynter muttered.


Sherry glanced at the stone mansion again. “I don’t know, but it has to be a huge family or something. I’m always seeing tons of vehicles coming in and out. I’ve seen Lamborghini’s come out, and I’ve seen just a regular old cars come out, but I’ve never seen anybody outside.” She jumped out of the way as a Dodge Challenger went speeding out of the driveway, spinning gravel under its tires as it sped out onto the street. “Watch it!” She yelled, even though the car was long gone.

He almost blew it, that idiot! Sherry thought.


“Are you ok? That car seemed to come out of nowhere!” Wynter asked.


Sherry nodded. ”Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just get home, I’m hungry.”


They finally arrived at Wynter’s house, and her aunt called from the kitchen “In here, girls! I’ve got supper almost ready if you don’t mind to help set the table.”


“And I’m on the back porch grilling, but you two probably don’t want any.” They heard Wynter’s Uncle Greg yell.


They laughed and went into the kitchen, and found Donna covered in flour, pulling a cake out of the oven. “How was the last day of school for you two?”


Sherry answered before Wynter could get the chance. “It went great! I made a ninety on our History test, and Wynter made a one hundred, of course.” She started putting plates on the table while Wynter set glasses of ice next to them.


“That’s wonderful, Sherry! And congratulations to you as well, Wynter!” Donna said.


Greg walked in, set the burgers on the table, then took his seat. “Alright, let’s eat before it gets cold!”


After supper was done, and the table was cleared, Wynter and Sherry announced that they would be in Wynter’s room playing video games if they needed them. The two all but ran up to Wynter's room, where they took their seats on two oversized bean bags.


“So, what do you want to play tonight? Something with lots of action, or a happier theme?” Wynter asked.


Sherry was looking outside the bedroom window at an old, mangled oak tree across the road, and didn’t answer.


“What are you looking so intently at?”


Sherry frowned at the sight outside, but snapped back to attention quickly. “Oh, um, you know Wyn; I think I’d better go home, I’m not feeling too great.”


“Do you need a ride home? It’s getting dark.”


“No, I’ll make it home before dark, and besides, if I need to, George will come pick me up. He’s always looking for something to do.” She laughed.


“Ok, maybe tomorrow we can do something together.” Wynter said hopefully.


Sherry glanced back outside at the oak tree, then back to Wynter. “Yeah, maybe. See ya later, Wyn.”


She walked downstairs, past Greg and Donna, who were now sipping on some coffee. “Headed home so soon, Sherry?” Donna inquired.

Sherry nodded, and looked up the stairway to see if Wynter had followed her, but, seeing that the coast was clear, she said, “Yeah, I’m not feeling too spiffy.” In a whisper, she added. “Mr. and Mrs. Lereaux, get ready.”


Greg and Donna nodded knowingly, and looked upstairs towards Wynter’s room. “Be safe, dear.” Donna said in a concerned tone.


Sherry smiled at them, and went outside. When she passed the tree, she heard it make an odd creaking sound. “Not yet! She’s probably watching me walk away! Wait until I’m around the corner.” She told it as she walked by.


Wynter, oblivious to the conversation that had taken place, watched her friend disappear around the corner, then went back downstairs for a snack.


“Are you feeling okay, Wyn?” She heard Greg ask.


She turned to him with a puzzled look on her face. “Yeah, I feel great. Why wouldn’t I?”


Greg shrugged, and went back to reading his book. “Just checking.”
Last edited by MiddleEarthGal on Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
It isn't schizophrenia when you write about the voices in your head and get it published. That's talent.
"I have figured out what C.E.O. stands for: It means Caveman, with an Ego, who is Obese." -Jase Robertson, Duck Dynasty




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2055
Reviews 29
Wow, wasn't too sure about the beginning, but the end couple of paragraphs really hooked me.

I liked the names - they're interesting and different and the way you've explained and set out the different relationships between the characters is simple, but really works - I hate being confused about characters in stories and you've really made it clear.

A couple of things - would fifteen year olds really be playing video games so enthusiastically? Especially girls. I mean, I'm over here in England and us girls don't like video games because it's typically a 'boy' thing, I don't know if it's different in America where this story seems to be set?

I don't know, that's just one thing that bugged me a little.

Secondly, I think you should experiment with different descriptive words. Just a suggestion, but where it says 'puzzled' (just above) you could use a more sophisticated word, like perplexed. Perhaps.

I'm new on YWS, so I'm not sure whether this is an appropriate review, but I really did find your story intriguing, especially at the end and I'd love to know whether you post a new chapter or not. :)
...we're only good for the latest trends...

I walk on wounds that seldom prove to slow me down

'Writing is a cop-out. An excuse to live perpetually in fantasy land, where you can create, direct and watch the products of your own head. Very selfish.'
~ Monica Dickens




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3999
Reviews 146
Not too sabby, MEG,
I'm so happy you decided to post this story! You must hurry up and post the next chapter so then you can post the third chapter and so on because I am dying to find out what happens next!!! I really like Sherry and I can't wait to see what part she is going to play in the story.
I didn't notice any spelling mistakes or typos, so good job there.
All around great writing. :) PM me when you get the next chapter up.

Looking forward to more. ~ DG

p.s. DG stands for Dragongirl, not Dollar General. ;)
"Every writer I know has trouble writing." - Joseph Heller

~ A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.~
- Bill Cosby




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1532
Reviews 153
I wasn't so interested in the story until the last few paragraphs when Sherry is about to leave. In the beginning I would try to make it more interesting by probably using more description or better sentences. The main question that you must ask yourself is 'why should the reader be so interested in this' because in the beginning and middle of this I held no interest....sorry to say. You probably have a great story here. Keep writing.
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2629
Reviews 54
Hey, I loved this piece and can't wait for the rest of it. I don't have much else to say about it apart from one thing which kinda bugged me

“What are you looking so intently at?”

I don't know why but the word intently just doesn't seem quite right when you used it here. Other than that I didn't find anything about it that I didn't like.
'Are you saying Ni to that old woman?'
'Yes'
'Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history'




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 762
Reviews 30
I thought you did great! The first couple of paragraphs were okay, but then you worked on characterizing them and the last few bits got me hooked for more. Please don't leave me hanging!
Life is to be lived, not survived.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 3
Wow this was pretty great! The two paragraphs were losing me but soon after it was good. :D The names were adorable and the story line was cool. Continue with your writing.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Jet black diamond hair
People stare, I don't care
Want a taste! ?
Sure I'll share.
Gotta be big, I'll take you there!

Glammed Up Fabulous
Looking Hot, Dangerous!
So Vicious Delicious
I Got You F**king Like It's Fitness
-BOTDF
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 998
Reviews 30
I like where you've gone with this. I pretty much agree what everyone else has said, the start didn't really have me, but then towards the end I was really hooked! Can't wait for the next chapter. :)




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1583
Reviews 46
Wow! I will say that you had a great hook at the end of this chapter!

I don't really have much to criticize with this chapter.

I like how you started with the impression of a normal, mundane, high school life. It was a little "mundane" of course, but it's good to have a little calm before the storm.

Good job on the relationship between Mrs. Berkley and Wynter (I also have a character named Wynter in another novel I'm working on...Cool! But, good name choosing and good, affectionate nickname).

But a description of Wynter would be nice.

When Sherry says she doesn't feel well, maybe she should be a little sneakier, and rub her stomach or something. And maybe, for an extra hook or detail you can make the uncle exchange a meaningful look at the aunt or something. Just a small suggestion. It's up to you.

Keep going. This is a pretty good start. I can't wait to read the next chapter!
"Which came first? The Phoenix or the flame?"

-H.P. Deathly Hallows



She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.
— Atticus