Young Writers Society

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Heh, sorry if this is less than coherent but it's 1 in the morning, give me a break.

'Later, I called your cell phone but there wasn't an answer and even though I stopped dialing the numbers I never stopped calling you in my head.'

I thought that was really cool. Don't we all think that? Even when you put down the phone you think, well, what if I tried again now? Or now?

'She just kept telling me how sexy I was but I already knew that.'

Do I sense sarcasm?

'If it snows in the next week I'm going to buy a sweater and it will be red because blood on snow looks pretty awesome and it's half-price at Walgreens.'

Blends in perfectly with the next sentence, about how there are always voices in your head. It's like the voices are meshing together here, and then you explain it in the next sentence...ah, go moi...

Anyway...very good, it sounded to me more like a poem than a story. Which is good...I hope. Depends on what you were going for.

hmm. I found this to be rather poetic also. It made absolutely no sense, however. I guess that was what you were going for.

"All the way home I kept asking the cab driver, "Do you think it's gonna snow?"

He didn't ever answer me and that was okay."

That pretty much cracked me up. It's great how you made your dude insane. That was pretty much awesome. Overall I liked it alot and you aren't seriously STILL fifteen? Dude...I'm way older than you but you're like..an old soul or something. I can't believe how young you are. Unless that thing is lying.

It's an interesting prologue. It makes me want to read the whole thing. It didn't make much sense though.

"I'm going to buy a sweater and it will be red because blood on snow looks pretty awesome and it's half-price at Walgreens."

Sounds like she's slightly gothic, using that imagery.

It runs together way too much. Break it up with more sentences.

Anyway I want to see the whole story. Good luck with it.