A short prologue to an idea under construction

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Hey guys, first time posting on here. Would appreciate your thoughts on writing style and the overall feeling towards this piece. Threw it together pretty quickly. Thanks in advance :)

EDIT - Thanks for all the positive feedback :D, remember to like it if ya do!


As I began to see the first slit of the thing mother had described to me as light, it became clear to me that the world – unobscured by the oppressing blanket of darkness – was everything, but at the same time, nothing as how I had imagined it. Temporarily blinded, I flopped to the ground and welcomed the darkness provided by my front paws, curled across my face. As my eye's adjusted to the light, my thoughts took me back to another time.

“What is it like outside of the darkness mother?”

“It is bright” replied mother in a matter of fact tone, giving nothing up, yet at the same time giving a very precise description.

“What is bright?” I communicated to my mother, hoping I might breach her wall of unending patience.

“It’s the opposite of Dark” she replied, rather tiresome of the relentless curiosity of her latest litter. Picking up on her agitated mood, I decided to push further.

“Opposite?”

“These matters are of no concern to you yet young one” mother snapped back. Sensing that only another question was coming however, mother decieded to quench her youngest male's curiousty. “You are not yet one Lunar Cycle of age, until then you are trapped in the Darkness with only the rest of your litter as company. I will tell you this however, as I know the longing for answers you desire. The world of Light is a never ending place much like that of the world we call Dark. Unlike the Dark however, the never ending void of which we call the Light, is filled with an unimaginable number of things you cannot even begin to comprehend"

“What kind of things? What’s a Lunar Cycle?”

“No more questions! You will find out soon enough”.
And with that mother briskly disengaged her mind from mine and went off into the unknown, undoubtedly enjoying whatever the world of Light had to offer.
Last edited by deo on Fri Dec 03, 2010 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Wow! I con honestly say that there's not really anything that I can nitpick about this. It's well written. It caught my attention in the beginning, and kept it. Job well done. :)




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I agree with aqua babe. That really was astonishing.

You should be proud with that, there aren't any nit picks. But then again, you caught me up in the flow of the prologue that it took my mind of nit picks. Infact I had to re-read it to try and get to these nit picks, but each time it was like I was stuck in it.

Very promising.

If the story itself is as good as this is then it will be amazing.

Can you please send me a PM when you put up the next part because I am very interested to hear more about it :D
~TheGillianGill~

There's a bright light, see it in the distance? It's called your future.




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Heya,
As said before me, you have a gift in writing, and this seems like a very interesting story you're cooking up.
I did find a few nitpicks, but they're so little details that I'd usually leave them out. But seeing as there isn't really anything to critic, here are the few things I noticed:

"As my eye's adjusted to the light"
Should be "eyes", most probs an accident while writing fast but oh well :D

"“It is bright” replied mother in a matter of fact tone"
Just a comma missing here after bright. You forgot it in a few other places too, just add the comma before the closing hyphon (these things: " ", whatever they're called).

But yeah, as I said before, these things are trivial mistakes. Just didn't feel like posting a comment without any nitpicks :D Do PM me when you post more of this, I'd be glad to read more :)

|Life|
Call me crazy; I prefer 'enjoys life while one can'.
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The pen's mightier than the sword - especially when it's wielded by a flipmothering dragon.
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The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest