Lost in Love (Chapter 1: Cora's Letter Home)

Dear Daddy and Mom,

As I looked around , I noticed a look of despair on a boy's face. I walked up to him slowly, so my waist length light brown hair swayed around my back and cascade down my sides. My blue eyes looked deep into his deep brown iris'. His shaggy black hair falling just over the front of his ears.
"You boy, what is your name? I am Princess Corabelle."
"We're Cora's cousins. Hello, I'm Princess Amethyst, and this is our other cousin, Princess Theophilia. Call me Amby and call Theophilia, Theo. Sorry, I don't think that we caught your name? What is it?"
"I do not give my name out to ugly girls. But as long as I'm speaking to the three beautiful princess of Abloom, my name if Jeremy James Jonson. Pleased to meet the three most beautiful girls on the face of this earth."
I looked over at Amby and wondered if Jeremy would fall for her and not me. Amby was the perfect one. Her knee length blonde hair. The way it sways with out any effort on her part. Her soft green eyes. And then there's the youngest of us, Theo. Her short red hair matches her personality perfectly. She is extremely shy. I think that I may be falling head over heels for a boy I have only just met. Oh please, Zeus, let your daughter get the boy for once. Amby is Poseidon's daughter And Theo is Hades' daughter They got the cool dads. I got the boring one. But I still love you! And I will destroy those beach bottle bimbo's for who they really are! I still can't believe that my mom is Athena though!

Sincerely,
Princess Corabelle (Cora) Jones

P.S. If you ever ear from Theophilia or Amethyst please send me the letters.

P.P.S. Love you Daddy!!!

Nice introduction.. I would try to remember that this a letter though. You have to be consistent with the structure of the writing... you would not include details like eye color and hair length unless it was vital, and then it would be the topic of the sentence. Writing in letters for chapter can be quite problematic because of that fact. Also, the smiley faces and hearts kind of detract from the piece.. make it seem present age and more like a text than a letter. If this includes Greek mythology and princesses, I would try to adopt the mindset of people closer to that time age.

All in all, a nice start and introduction, and an interesting character development. c:

SparklingSarah1776 wrote:Dear Daddy and Mom,

As I looked around , I noticed a look of despair on a boy's face. I walked up to him slowly, so my waist length light brown hair swayed around my back and cascade down my sides. My blue eyes looked deep into his deep brown iris'. His shaggy black hair falling just over the front of his ears.
"You boy, what is your name? I am Princess Corabelle."
"We're Cora's cousins. Hello, I'm Princess Amethyst, and this is our other cousin, Princess Theophilia. Call me Amby and call Theophilia, Theo. Sorry, I don't think that we caught your name? What is it?"
"I do not give my name out to ugly girls. But as long as I'm speaking to the three beautiful princess of Abloom, my name if Jeremy James Jonson. Pleased to meet the three most beautiful girls on the face of this earth."
I looked over at Amby and wondered if Jeremy would fall for her and not me. Amby was the perfect one. Her knee length blonde hair. The way it sways with out any effort on her part. Her soft green eyes. And then there's the youngest of us, Theo. Her short red hair matches her personality perfectly. She is extremely shy. I think that I may be falling head over heels for a boy I have only just met. Oh please, Zeus, let your daughter get the boy for once. Amby is Poseidon's daughter And Theo is Hades' daughter They got the cool dads. I got the boring one. But I still love you! And I will destroy those beach bottle bimbo's for who they really are! I still can't believe that my mom is Athena though!

Sincerely,
Princess Corabelle (Cora) Jones

P.S. If you ever ear from Theophilia or Amethyst please send me the letters.

P.P.S. Love you Daddy!!!

All your description is sort of choppy, sush as

SparklingSarah1776 wrote:
Amby was the perfect one. Her knee length blonde hair. The way it sways with out any effort on her part. Her soft green eyes.

SparklingSarah1776 wrote:And then there's the youngest of us, Theo. Her short red hair matches her personality perfectly. She is extremely shy.

You should also never use smilies and emoticons in a serious piece of text (unless it's an actual test message or an email)
All the moving smilies distract from your piece and don't work with your whole princess vibe.
But, overall, I enjoyed this. It was an interesting start
~Kit

This is a letter your writing. To me, it sounds more like your writing a story.

As I looked around, I noticed a look of despair on a boy's face.

Would somebody really just jump into a letter writing out that quote? And where was she when she looked around, can you be more specific like; As I looked around the court yard of the palace, I...
If she's writing to her parents why would she say who her parents were? Is she adopted? Please specify. Edit out the smilies. You don't put them in a serious letter.