Forever Forgotten - Prologue

Prologue:

After you die, I suppose, you are eventually forgotten. In the beginning of being forgotten tears are no longer shed for you, mourners come less and less, and all that's left is the dried up flowers on your grave. In some cases people don't even remember the day you died after you've been dead for a year or two.

But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being forgotten completely. You see, every hundred years or so everyone you knew will be dead too. You are diminished to nothing but a few words on a piece of rock and perhaps a random bench or statue in your honor.

For most of the dead, it doesn't matter, because you end up with the people you loved who have already died. Eventually the people you loved when you were alive die also and they will join you. But in some cases, much like mine, there wasn't anyone who you loved that died before you did. In that case, there are no spirits to come down and take yours up to wherever it is that they go. You are forever stuck on earth, unseen and unheard.

You see, when you die loved ones come down to take your spirit so that you may join them. But for me that is not the case. I have been stuck on earth for nearly one hundred and fifteen years. I died at age fourteen in a car accident, due to some drunk in a large truck who ran a red light. My grandparents both died before I was born so I never loved them and everyone else in my family was very much alive. My aunt died that day, too. She was the one driving. But she died two hours and four minutes after me.

Everyone who mourned me is now dead. They are all together in wherever it is that the dead go. All of my friends are there with their families. My boyfriend is up there with his wife and four children. Everyone in my family is up there. They are all up there...except me.

This was great!

except now I realize that in a hundred years or so everyone will have forgotten about me.... -_-

lemme know when you have the next part up!

~Ally~

Hey,

This was an interesting prologue and I liked it. However, it seemed a bit awkward in the third paragraph because you gave us a little too much info. Prologue's like yours are short (which is good) but give way to much information packed into just 5 paragraphs. I especially didn't like the third paragraph because it was confusing and repetitive. To me it sounded a lot like:


The people you love die but after you died and they go to heaven but after they die only if they were alive before you died.


I suggest fixing that and then this will be a great prologue.

~Jas

Hey Fictionfanatic! I like the idea of this very much!

fictionfanatic wrote:
For most of the dead, it doesn't matter, since you end up with the people you loved who have already died, and after time passes the people you loved when you were alive eventually die also. But in some cases, much like mine, there wasn't anyone who you loved who died before you did. In that case, there are no spirits to come down and take yours up to wherever it is that they go. You are forever stuck on earth, unseen and unheard.

You might notice that I changed a couple of "that"s to "who"s in this paragraph. Here's why ...

"That" refers to inanimate objects. For example ...

The girl, who ate cole slaw that was three weeks old, became very ill.

Here's an additional link: http://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/whoVwhVt.asp

fictionfanatic wrote:You see, when you die, loved ones come down to take your spirit so that you may join them. But for me that is not the case. I have been stuck on earth for nearly one hundred and fifteen years. I died at age fourteen in a car accident, due to some drunk in a large truck who ran a red light. My grandparents both died before I was born so I never loved them and everyone else in my family was very much alive. My aunt died that day, too. She was the one driving. But she died two hours and four minutes after me.

Everyone who mourned me is now dead. They are all together in wherever it is that the dead go. All of my friends are there with there families. My boyfriend is up there with his wife and four children. Everyone in my family is up there. They are all up there...except me.

Very nice! I have just one overall suggestion. You say blatantly that you died in a car accident at age fourteen. Maybe you could make it be something that unfolds throughout the story, like a cryptic secret or something? Just an idea. Keep writing!

- Abigail

First, I must say, both the title and the plot are quite intriguing. So many things can come from 'Forever Forgotten' and the short little summary provided. I would really like to see where you're going with this.

The idea, although not completely original, is great. I, personally, have always enjoyed stories about death and the afterlife, and other people's views on it. Many people have tackled the whole 'life after death' concept, but some just seemed like a regurgitated version of the last.
The prologue itself was much different from other things I have read on the topic. This is the only I've seen talking about how people are eventually forgotten after their death.

At times, it seemed as if you were repeating yourself, or explaining things a little more than necessary. The reduncancy isn't too bad, but for future chapters (and possibly even other prologues) not so much information on certain things is necessary.
But considering there isn't a major setting, or even a character to really focus on at the moment, it was pretty good

Other than the other grammatical errors already mentioned, I could only find one.

fictionfanatic wrote:All of my friends are there with there families.

It should say "All of my friends are there with their families."

So, overall, good job on the prologue.

-Shauna

The prologue was really good, way to keep it really suspenseful for everyone to read. It's simply the fact that you gotta keep the beat of the story slow and now let everything out at once which you did really good here. Bleep up the good work and I can't wait to read the rest of your works. :3

Dang, this is deep and very good! I like every single word of it. I can't wait to read more, hurry up and write! Just kidding, keep up the good work.

Wheadee

That was actually pretty good. It's was dark, and gloomy, and actually, pretty cryptic to read on a Friday the 13th, but I highly enjoy what (I think) you're trying to get there. They way you, at the end, say that everyone except your MC is dead.
Over all, that was great! Congrats. Please tell me when you have more up.

Sounds gleefully interesting, and I can't wait to see more! This story's written in first person, which should give plenty of depth and emotion regarding the main character.

I really think this story is very interesting!
There is very little mistakes which makes my job a lot easier thank you for that!
My corrections are in blue!

After you die, I suppose, you are eventually forgotten. In the beginning of being forgottencomma tears are no longer shed for you, mourners come less and less, and all that's left is the dried up flowers on your grave. In some cases people don't even remember the day you died after you've been dead for a year or two.

But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being forgotten completely. You see, every hundred years or so everyone you knew will be dead too. You are diminished to nothing but a few words on a piece of rock and perhaps a random bench or statue in your honor.

For most of the dead, it doesn't matter, because you end up with the people you loved who have already died. sad but very joyful i really love this sentrence. Eventually the people you loved when you were alive die also and they will join you. But in some cases, much like mine, there wasn't anyone who you loved that died before you did. In that case, there are no spirits to come down and take yours up to wherever it is that they go. You are forever stuck on earth, unseen and unheard.

You see, when you die loved ones come downcomma to take your spirit so that you may join them. But for me that is not the case. I have been stuck on earth for nearly one hundred and fifteen years. I died at age fourteen in a car accident, due to some drunk in a large truck who ran a red light. My grandparents both died before I was born so I never loved them and everyone else in my family was very much alive. My aunt died that day, too. She was the one driving. But she died two hours and four minutes after me.

Everyone who mourned me is now dead. They are all together in wherever it is that the dead go. All of my friends are there with their families. My boyfriend is up there with his wife and four children. Everyone in my family is up there. They are all up there...except me.

This story has a great plot and i can tell this story will become a popular read among the people here at YWS keep writing! Bye! <3