So this is kind of the introduction/prologue/forward thing For my Ever, Ever After.
In life, Lexa Hyacinth had been many things: tall, blond haired, brown eyed, slender, athletic, funny, outgoing, thoughtfull, shy, adventurous, determined. But not suicidal, at least not to her best friend, Maria Hollands knowledge.
Maria looked around the large, airy chapel at the many people attending Lexas funeral.
Well Lex, you got what you wanted. Maria thought, a little bitterly.
Lexa had always wanted everyone to attend her funeral. she wanted people to be bawling, and making deep, nostalgic speeches. She wanted to be creamated, because according to her having your dead body rot underground for insects to tear apart at is disgusting, and having your ashes sit in a fancy jar on someones mantle is way to morbid. So she was to be creamated and have her ashes spread over Lake Superior, just like she wanted.
Maria let out another sigh, turning her navy blue eyes out the floor to wall windows. Ever since she had found out about Lexa, the only words she could find to say, when anyone asked her how she was doing, was why? Why Lexa, why would you kill yourself? Why would you end your life? Why would you leave us? Me, why would you leave me?
God, a tear slid down Marias dark cheek, onto her lips, so she could taste the salt of it.
Maria and Lexa had known eachother since the first grade, best friends since the fifth. They had talked on the phone for hours a day, talking about the most random, (but at the time necisary) things, had countless sleepovers and stayed up all night watching scary movies, screaming at the top of their lungs. And of course, like all best friends do, fought. Maria shook her head to herself, back in junior high, her and Lexa had fought so much. About the stupidest stuff, the boy we both like likes you? I'm mad at you. You said *what* about my volleyball playing skills? I'm mad at you. You hung out with *who* and didn't invite me? I'm mad at you. So stupid, Maria thought, coming back to herself as the service was raping up.
Maria felt someone squeez her hand, and turned to look into the eyes of Luke Pearson, Marias boyfriend of the past eight months. Maria leaned her head on his shoulder, not wanting him to get a good look in her eyes. Because then he might see what Maria was really feeling, what she felt so horrible about feeling but couldn't seem to not. She felt so angry, and so hurt. Angry that Lexa didn't even try to get help, angry that Lexa didn't come to her, angry that she never noticed. Angry that she didn't stop it. She should be feeling heart curshingly sad that her best friend was gone, that she would never call her and talk for hours again, that she would never hear her best friends ringing, contagious laugh. Oh, god. Maria could feel the tears coming now, and she squeezed her eyes tight to try to stop them, mouth close so she wouldn't let out a sob.
"You holding up okay?" Luke whispered in her ear, Marias heart swelled, and she wanted to slap herself. Who had time for petty, mushy feelings during their best friends funeral?
"Im fine," Maria said.
It was the only thing she could think to say whenever anyone asked her. It was like: oh hey, your best friend just commuted suicide and you ne'er even knew she was depressed or had any suicidal thoughts. Because she never said anything to you, she never confided in you.
Yeah, Maria thought. I'm fine.
Luke was still looking at her, trying to catch her eyes with his own. Maria looked to him, heart swelling again. She looked into those dark gray eyes, flecked with a beautiful gold, and wanted to just die.
Okay, so considering her situtation joking about that stuff really was not funny. But she did, every time. They were just that gorgeous.
Maria felt herself pulled away from his eyes when people tarted filing out of the chapel. Luke secured his arm around her waste, and led her out as well.
"You don't have to stay with me for all of this, you know," Maria told Luke as they entered the parking lot.
"I know," he said simply.
"Thank you." Maria said, a little bit releaved. In response Luke kissed the top of her head, and again Maria had to stop herself from crying. God, what was wrong with her? She shouldn't be feeling like this, not today. Not ever.
Maria leaned her head out the window, at the choppy dark blue and gray clouds layred on top of eachother in the sky. The wind was singing today, just enough to tossle your hair, but not enough to feel like you might blow away.
Lexas favorite weather, Maria thought. It was like the skies were doing their best in farewell to Lexa.
They were on their way to the bluff. The bluff that Lexa threw herself off of not even two weeks ago. That's where her ashes were to be released.
It made Maria sick. Sick because she could picture Lexa doing it. She could picture her friend upset, crying, pissed off, so angry and sad and done with everything.
"Were here," Luke says, hesitintly. Maria sighs, and heaves herself out of the car.
Maria didn't know what she expected to feel when she saw this bluff again. She certainly didn't expect what she did feel.
She gasped, doubling over. A picture of Lexas pale blond hair billowing out behind her as she aproached the cliff. Tears silently spilling down her cheeks. Her upper lip turned up by her crying. Hands spread out at her sides, embracing the wind. It had been a stormy day, Maria remembered.
Lexas family arrived last, all filing out of two black limos.
Her mother, Catherine Hyacinth donned a pair of huge dark sunglasses, completely shielding her eyes from the world, her dark hair pulled up in an elegant bun.
Lexas father, James Hyacinth, looked about ten times older then he actually is. His dark gray hair was slicked back from his worn, tired handsome face. Lexas syblings, Emma, Daniel, and Lucy Hyacinth all looked as if they had been crying for days, eyes rimmed red and puffy.
Just looking at them Maria wanted to cry. Then came the rest of Lexas family, her dads side was huge, at least 30 people. Her moms side was smaller, 15 people max. They also all looked sad, and shocked. Only one person stuck out to Maria though.
He was tall, two years older then Maria and Lexa. His handsome face looked a bit tortured, mixed with shock and something else Maria couldn't quit place.
His light green eyes matched the shade of Lexas fathers exactly, his straight, perfect nose and tan skin exactly like the pixieish girl who stood beside him. His sister, Maria remembered Lexa talking about them inparticular, her cousins from California.
Then his gaze met Marias, and he stared a moment more then necisary, giving her a almost quizical look.
Maria looked away quickly. Taylor, the name came to her. Taylor and Kristin, were they're names.
"Ria, let's go," Luke said, lacing his fingers through hers. Maria hadn't noticed how she had stopped and just stared at Lexas family.
"Right, sorry," They made their way to the very edge of the bluff, where most of the funeral presesion waited. Maria watched as Lexas family made their way to the front. Lexas mother held out the urn with her daughters ashes out in front of her with a sort of fragile calm, saying,
"Lexa we love you. Well miss you, we hope your happy now." and releasing the ashes.
Tears poured down peoples faces, as they all watched the little particals glide away in the wind, spiriling out to the icy waters, free.
Maria stood in the living room of Lexas familys house three hours later.
After sleeping for the two and a half hour car ride back to the city, she was still anythig but awake. Everything just seemed so surreal, like a bad dream.
Maria was perching her glass of cider on top of the couch arm as someone sat down beside her.
She turned to see Taylor, reaching in his jacket pocket for something.
"Your Maria, right?" he asked, his voice coarse.
"Yeah, I am," she replied. He pulled out a big, white envelope. The kind they put mail in that's to big for regular paper envelopes.
"I got this in the mail the day Lexa... Died. And I think she wanted me to give this to you. Know, I know she wanted me to give this to you." he corrected himself.
"What is it?" Maria hadn't known it would come out as a whisper.
"Just... Read it." he said, as he got up and made his way put the doors and into the yard.
Maria just sat in silence for a few moments.
This is so Lexa, she thought. So like her to leave something behind. But why would she mail it to Taylor? If she wanted Maria to read it why not just mail it to her? Maria knew she had to read it. She knew she would read it, but a part of her didn't want to. Didn't wanto know what Lexa had to say.
But Maria couldn't deal with not knowing. She would never see Lexa, ever, ever again. And she couldn't live without knowing what her best friend had to say. So she found Luke, told him she was going to walk home and justget some rest.
Maria didn't go home, she walked to the park her and Lexa always used to meet up at. It was three blocks from Marias house, two blocks from Lexas, and she sat on the very top of the play structure. She took a deep breath, and leaned her head back on the red metal bars, and opened the package.
Never thought you'd be hearing from me again, did you? Well, surprise surprise. Now I'm sure if your reading this, (and I assume all of you will) your wondering what it could possibly say. What did I leave behind? What do I want you to know? What were the reasons behind my death?
If you were wondering any of these things, then today's your lucky day! (Or your very unlucky day, depending on your prespective)
This is my conffesion note-
Lexa Hyacinth.
Maria hadn't relized she was holding her breath, she let out a gust of air, and sucked back in greedily.
So Lexa had written a coffesion note, and it supposedly explained her death. Maria sat there for a good ten minutes, then finally found herself opening to the first page.
I'm Evi. Let's take a look at this thing, shall we?
Grammar and spelling