Specials - Chapter 2

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A/N: I know I took a long time to post, but here it is.

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“No, stop. I don’t want to get up yet!” I mumbled.

“C’mon sleepy,” a calm masculine voice replied.

It took me a second, but then I recognized Kyle’s voice. I opened my eyes and my gaze was met by a warm smile that spread across his face. In the next few moments I looked over his body making sure he hadn’t changed. His unruly brown hair fell down to shoulder length and his bangs were pushed to the side exposing his penetrating green eyes. He was sitting on the edge of the bed smiling at me. “Hey silly.”

In a mocking voice he said “How is my crazy little sister doing?”

“Oh, I’m fine, but what brings your Excellency to my humble abode.” I said matching his joking tone. I pushed the covers off me and jumped on him. I hugged him for what felt like a short moment, but then he broke off.

“How about skipping school today?”

“That sounds great! Where are we going to go? I had so much fun last time you took me to the amphitheatre during school hours. Wait, tell me go get ready then we can talk.”

“Ok, but don’t make me wait forever.” He was gazing out the window, but allowed me to squeeze between him and the bed, so I could make it to my bathroom.

Rushing to get presentable I began my daily routine of brushing my teeth and doing my hair. My teeth were a sparkly white before two minutes had passed, and I moved onto my hair. It took a while to get untangled and straightened perfectly, so that it was pushed aside from my eyes like Kyle’s and flowed down over my shoulders. Clean clothes were presented to me through the ceiling upon my request. It only took me about twenty minutes to finish getting ready which I thought was pretty good. I strode out of the bathroom and into the living room that’s where I found him sitting on the couch eating my Doritos.

“About time you got done,” His sarcastic voice commented in between bites.

“So where are we going?” I said as I opened the apartment door, not even waiting to hear Kyle’s response. Within five seconds he was out the door and following me to the familiar elevator.

“Well, I want it to be a surprise if that’s fine with you, but I should give you a warning. You will hate me for this and it will go against what I have taught you, but know that I still love you.” I wasn’t really sure what to say back to him, but I figured anywhere he was taking me I would enjoy. The elevator dropped us at the bottom floor. “I’m going to have to cover your eyes, ok?”

I became even more wary when I saw his stone face. It was so much different then the warm happy one I had seen moments before. I gulped, but assured myself that wherever he was taking me was for the better. “Yea, go ahead.” I replied as I turned to let him wrap the cloth over my eyes.

He held my hand and guided me toward what I assumed was his red frontrunner hover car. I climbed in and sat down on the velvet seats after he opened the car door. His warmth and the assurance it brought left me as he let go of my hand to move around to the driver’s seat. We flew without talking, and so I was left to the isolation of my thoughts. Why was Kyle so serious? He had never done this before, and I was confused. Where was he taking me and why? All these questions floated around in my head, and it bothered me that I couldn’t know the answers. Overall the ride was smooth and frustrating. The car finally stopped moving, and I could hear Kyle open his door then about twenty seconds later my door was opened. I swung my hand around and it probably looked stupid because Kyle let out a laugh before he caught my hand and hoisted my effortlessly up and onto solid ground. He led me through what I assumed must be a giant building because we walked for some time and rode a few elevators. After what I assumed to be ten minutes of walking he let go of my hand and I could hear him backing away.

“I know you will win, but don’t hate me alright?” His barely audible voice said from somewhere behind me.

On that note I instantly ripped the cover off my eyes. It took a few a seconds but after they adjusted I got my bearings. There was a clear strip of land straight in front of me, but dense trees on either side. . I could see for miles, but when I saw the large walls surrounding me on three sides realization dawned on me. This was a game of Ravage and I was in it.

Just then a loudspeaker boomed, “Welcome contestants! This will be an ordinary game of free all Ravage.” Why am I in a free for all match? And why the heck am I here at all? Seemingly unaware of me the loudspeaker ranted on. “The standard match rules will be used for this game. The pre-selected weapon of your choice will now be presented to you.” I didn’t even get to pick a weapon I thought despairingly, but as the bright light shone down in front of me my rapier Swiftsoul appeared before me. I guess Kyle had some heart. That reminded me that people everywhere would be watching this game and would know my face. Ah well, I guess it won’t matter because after this I am never coming here again, watching this show, and I am not going to talk to Kyle either.

I could see the wall on the other side of the arena clearly from where I stood which meant it was the average arena size. This battle will end swiftly I thought. My emotions were a bit mixed I was sort of scared, but I knew whoever was in here with me wouldn’t be able to kill me.

The Host always came up with an original landscape this one is fairly simple. Some are very complex and others very simple like this. If the other competitors had forests on either side of them it is obvious he wants us to meet in the center and fight. It looks like I have no choice but to go forward, so I began walking toward the center. As I approached the center I could hear swords clashing and someone screaming.

At this point I was just entering the circle. There were four people fighting and one was on the ground with a knife stuck in his chest. A knife flew past my face and I turned to see a teenager who looked to be about 16. He had a devilish smile spread across his face and he was hovering about two feet above the ground. I couldn’t focus on the other teens right now, so I concentrated on this one. He was just hovering there throwing knives at me. It seemed as if time was stopping, but I knew this was natural. My “reflexes” had kicked in and I instantly sliced the knives out of the air.

His expression became confused; to him it probably appeared as if his knives were there and then they were gone. Like Kyle had trained me I didn’t give him anytime to think. Without hesitation I dashed forward and impaled him. The kill was clean perfectly through his heart, and his body fell to the ground.

I couldn’t see her, but without any thought my body spun and my sword flicked up knocking her spear away from me. She grunted in surprised, but reacted faster than the other boy had. Her brown hair was tied behind her head and piercing blue eyes scanned my body looking for vulnerable points. I would never let her have the advantage, so I began unleashing blow after blow each followed in quick succession by another flowing perfectly into each other.

The other girl parried my strikes neatly, but I was gaining ground and she could not maneuver the spear fast enough to block them all. It all ended in a few seconds she was going to die, but then a burst of wind erupted from our side and flung the two of us against the trees. The other teen must have been killed because this boy had attackedj us unopposed. He had sandy blonde hair, hazel eyes, and he was wearing a red T-shirt and blue jeans. His face was empty of expression and he had forced the wind to push us against the trees. I could hardly move, but then the girl who I had been fighting screamed. When I looked over I only caught a glimpse of her body flying away in the wind.

I really didn’t know what to do or what I could do. My mind raced, and giving any hope of a real plan I had away I let my instincts take control. It would have to be fast, so I grabbed a branch above my head and hoisted my self up to get out of the wind flow. Quickly I followed by using all my strength and jumping forward. The whole thing took about seven seconds. He hadn’t expected me to react that fast, and so I pushed what advantage I had. My sword severed his chest. A surprised gasp escaped his lips and he face forward to the ground.
"If the king doesn't lead, how can he expect his subordinates to follow?"




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I've been waiting for this come out!!! And you didn't dissapoint me! This was really well written and just like the other one really well eplained good job! :elephant:
I spy!




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Very interesting! I'm sorry I won't be able to comment on the story in full, but I have some nit-picks for you!

“C’mon sleepy,” a calm masculine voice replied.

-comma between calm and masculine.

“Wait, tell me go get ready then we can talk.”

-I think you mean: Wait, let me go get ready, and then we can talk.”

Rushing to get presentable I began my daily routine of brushing my teeth and doing my hair.

-This is awkward. I would rewrite it like: Rushing to look presentable, I began my daily routine of brushing my teeth and doing my hair.

“Yea, go ahead.” I replied as I turned to let him wrap the cloth over my eyes.

-It should be something like this: “Yeah, go ahead,” I replied as I turned to let him wrap the cloth over my eyes.

The car finally stopped moving, and I could hear Kyle open his door then about twenty seconds later my door was opened.

-twenty seconds to get around to the other side of the car? Is he in a wheelchair? haha. I would say more like five to ten.

At this point I was just entering the circle. There were four people fighting and one was on the ground with a knife stuck in his chest.

-wait, the game already started without her in it? *confused* And why would her brother enter her in a death match contest?! haha

The other teen must have been killed because this boy had attackedj us unopposed.

-I don’t think you mean for there to be a j in here. ;)

I liked this! I think I will have to go back and read it all! o.0

Keep writing!

Classy




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Hey Dreams :), back here for the second part!

So in the beginning while reading from the beginning to the part where they leave the apartment, I got the impression, by the way you described Kyle of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. But then I remember, they're siblings and that kind of freaked me out xD. So as a suggestion I would tone down the "Stunningly crystal clean blue eyes of the sea" type of descriptions and focus more on making it more realistic, if that makes any sense.

“That sounds great! Where are we going to go? I had so much fun last time you took me to the amphitheatre during school hours. Wait, tell me go get ready then we can talk.”
Okay so like this, the way she talks, just doesn't fit right, also the bold part needs to be fixed ;).

I was kind of confused after you realize that she's in the Ravage, she's not pissed at all at her brother? She's not scared? She's all of a sudden fully trained? And why did he put her in there in the first place?

Is this just me missing something? Explain please.

I actually really like your action, I think you do a great job at it, that really made it for me was from this part on.

At this point I was just entering the circle. There were four people fighting and one was on the ground with a knife stuck in his chest. A knife flew past my face and I turned to see a teenager who looked to be about 16.


I, like Classy, didn't exactly understand why they started without her...

You ended it on a pretty nice cliff hanger, which makes me want to see where you tale it. Keep writing!

~Hope
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."




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Thanks to both of you!

I shall try and make Kyle seem more like a sibling. The whole ravage thing starts when the announcer is done talking, but she was to dazed to decide what to do right away thus she gets to where the battle is happening last. Ah yes, I love my cliff hangers very much, and I am sure she seems too powerful, but hopefully as I progress the plot she will seem a bit less powerful.
"If the king doesn't lead, how can he expect his subordinates to follow?"




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I read your first chapter and thought it was unique, but I think your plot could use something a bit deeper that makes me really care about your characters more. When I saw that she's in a deathmatch, it's a little bit hard for the critical side of my mind not to say something like "I don't really know this character, so why should I care whether she lives or dies?"
I hope that didn't seem offensive. All I'm trying to say is that you should spend a good amount of time developing the characters before assuming I'll care when she's in danger. Delve into their minds and explore their feelings, profound ideals, and personal ambitions. If you do that, I might actually care if Serena gets her head chopped off in a game of Rapture. Other than that, the plot is thought-provoking, and certainly warrants an applause---
{Claps loudly} "BRAVO!"
:)




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Thanks form and I am happy I got to be your first review!

If you thought it was good the prologue offered some background information although nothing on the character. I realize that I didn't really show too much emotion hopefully I can fix this in later chapters.
"If the king doesn't lead, how can he expect his subordinates to follow?"



If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket