The life of a border collie (Chapter one)

My sister wanted me to put her story on this web site. In this chapter my sister is trying to explain the puppies life at our house very briefly.

The Life of a Border Collie
Chapter 1
By: Carlie

Border Collies can be very loyal & athletic dogs, in fact this is a story about one.
It's a love story, because everybody loves dogs!
My family had no Border Collies. One day there was a puppy for sale. That's when I met Pepper. She was the prettiest dog ever! When Pepper grew up she loved the woods. One day the news spread, Pepper had her puppies! Only one girl and seven boys!
After all the puppys got bigger, (9 weeks) we started selling them. Their names were, Girly, Buiscute, Capain, Wolf Eye, Panda, Kurby, Star, & Bear. I have always bonded with puppys. At first my favorite puppy was Bear. Then he got bigger & I wanted to keep Kurby. Buiscute was my next favorite puppy, but we sold both: Kurby & Buiscute. After that I wanted to keep Captain. Pepper started playing with her puppies by chewing on them, thats when Captain was in my heart, Then Girly caught me in her love trap. Border collies are very athletic dogs, & that's exactly what Girly was. She was so athletic that she could climb out of her kennel, so we had to bring her into our house!
Girly & Star had to go to Anchorage in Alaska. I went to the air-port with my dad. When we got there we took the puppies out of their cage. My dad saw that they were wet. When we went inside I saw them licking each-other. I told my dad they were wet because they were licking each other. When we left I started to cry. When we got home we brought Captain into the house. While mom's customer; Sherry, was petting Captain she told me that "it is always hard to let go of things that you love." Pepper usually growled at Sherry, but this time she didn't growl.
I must of loved those puppy allot!

Your poll was a little ambiguous; of course, if you love to write, write! Write a book about your adorable border collies, a short story about intergalactic serial killers, what ever suits your tastes. It doesn't matter whether people think it's good or bad because, quite frankly, when you start out writing is about you and your personal growth.
So yess, please do.
But also, expand this chapter. It's a little dry. I don't feel like I know the puppies well. What do they look like? What are their personalities? You (your sister) hint at this but don't give up all the details.

wii age 21 charlie wrote:"that it is always hard to let go of things that you love."

It should be "It's hard to let go of the things you love."
And when you (your sister) cry in the story; I should be crying to. Or at least feeling sad.

Hello, I'm Hope, and I will be reviewing today! (Lucky you)
Now it's a little hard to critic such a short story, but I'll try my best.

The beginning hook:

Border Collies can be very loyal & athletic dogs, in fact this is a story about one.

Is well, boring. It sounds more like you're writing a paper for school, then a fun story to read.

My family had no Border Collies.

Maybe instead of saying Border Collies, say pets, or dogs instead. Add some emotion into this! Your character is sad! Talk about how much she wishes she had a dog, how much she bugs her parents.

One day there was a puppy for sale. That's when I met Pepper.

Where are these puppies for sale? Details are important. Tell us how happy she is! Tell us how Pepper was when she first saw her! Details, details, details.

She was the prettiest dog ever! When Pepper grew up she loved the woods.

Again, you need to give us details!! Show us how beautiful Pepper is, tell us how happy she is to have a dog, the adventures they have.

One day the news spread, Pepper had her puppies!

When I read this I was like "Woh! Where did that come from!?!" One minute she is a puppy, and the next she having puppies! Dude...slow down. The "One day the news spread" part is a little awkward also.

I must of loved those puppy allot!

I think you mean "Have", "Puppies" and "A lot" This seems like a very bad ending sentence, You want to make the reader feel satisfied. You want them to feel like it was worth reading the story. By the end you want to make us feel bad for the girl...but the ending, doesn't do it for me. It seems like she's bragging, and that makes me really not like her as a character.

Over all it really needs more detail in it. It also goes to fast, You are skipping by so quickly, that the reader gets confused, and thats bad. You really need to expand on the plot, again DETAILS!! This needs a lot of work, but if you keep trying I'm sure it will be great. I hope I didn't totally squash your passion to write. Keep writing, and you'll get better!

~Hope