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All Babies Are Blessings (2)

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okay so this is the second part thing to the story... it's a dream so that's why its all in italics but I hope you all enjoy!

Thanks for the reviews again!
~Dommy

It was Mike O'Connell's party. He was the senior quarterback; if you were invited to one of his parties you were definitely cool. The whole senior class was there as well as a majority of the junior class, including my friends and I. We'd heard that the juniors from the football team were going to be there, so we made sure we looked the cutest we ever had. I convinced myself that my cousin wouldn't be there, he only hung out with one person on the football team, and they weren't that close.

When we showed up, Mike's house was filled with people. The D.J was playing the music so loud, the bass was making the floor shake, and everyone was dancing. The place reeked of beer and pot. There was a thick layer of smoke in the room, making a hazy glow around the strobe lights. All the seniors were either drunk or high; most of them were playing beer games or dancing on the tops of tables. My friends were ecstatic, saying that this was the ‘party of the year’, even though t was only the start of the football season.

Within seconds of walking through the door, my friends and I had a beer bottle in our hands and were dancing with some of juniors on the football team. It only took me three songs to finish my beer, I drank heavily at parties, and it was the only way I would dance, so I went to get another. One of my friends offered to come with me, but I could see she was really into her partner, so I told her to stay.

I wiggled my way through the crowd of dancing people, only stopping for a few seconds to say hello to some people I knew. I walked by girls passed out, drunk, people smoking and people making out, to the cooler at the back of the house. I was crouching down carefully by the cooler, making sure my skirt didn't go up too far, to open the lid, when I heard someone call my name.

"Isabelle?" My back suddenly became pin straight and I dropped the lid of the cooler on my finger, breaking my acrylic nail.

I immediately jumped up in pain, shaking my hand, as if that would make the pain go away. I froze as two big fat hands clasped mine.

It was dark, in the little corner of the room, so I couldn't make out the features of the man's face, but the voice gave him away.

"Hello, Carl," I said, trying to pry my hands out of his grip. One of the strobe light shinned on his face, turning it green. He was about four inches taller than me, with extra skin clinging to every bone in his body. He was an obese child, and when he grew taller his lost a couple pounds and the weight became evenly distributed. His wide grin was covered with braces and his face was splattered in acne. The familiar face that would haunt my dreams; the face of my cousin. I tried my hardest, but I couldn't get my hands out of his.

"Please let go of me, Carl," I said as quietly as I could, with the loud music. He laughed and held my hands tighter.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?" he asked.

"You just interrupted me while I was trying to get another drink," I hinted.

"Oh," he bent down, without releasing my hands, and grabbed a beer from the cooler. I swear I saw him peek up my skirt. "Here you go."

"I can't really hold that without my hands, Carl," I snapped. He laughed and dropped my hands. I tried quickly to grab the beer and run away, but he pulled his hand around my waist, so I couldn't go away.

"Come on, Isabelle, we haven't talked in a while."

"Well I actually have someone waiting for me on the dance floor," I said, trying to squirm out of his grip. His fingers pressed harder in my stomach, I winced in pain.

"You're not hurting this nice girl, are you, Carl?" a new voice asked. I looked up and saw Kyle, Carl's friend on the football team. Kyle was even taller than Carl, with a stylish brown crew cut and a muscular body, he towered over Carl, trying to be intimidating. He was wearing khaki pants and a green and black striped rugby shirt.

"Uh, no, Kyle," he said, dropping his hand from my waist. The intimidation worked.

"Good. Isabelle, would you like to dance with me?" Kyle asked. Kyle was probably the only one who suspected Carl liked me in a way cousins shouldn't like each other. He had never spoken directly to Carl about it, but he would give him looks whenever Carl did anything weird. He held out his tanned hand to me, and I dropped my free one in his. I took a swig of beer then followed him to the dance floor with a cautious glance at Carl. His expression was angry.


So this is the first half of the dream.. it was way to long to post in one message. I'll post the rest of it later.
Thanks again!!
~Dommy :D
Last edited by dommy65 on Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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I read the second part of the dream before I read this first part so I was pretty shocked to realize that Carl was Isabelle's cousin! Personally, I think it's a little long for a dream, but to each their own. You did a good job of building up the suspense-it started small and innocuous, then slowly built up-and showing Isabelle's fear. Good job-I hope to see more of this.




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Hello again!

This was a very weird dream and it really kinda built up Carl's feelings and how he treats Isabelle. I like the way you write. You have this Sarah Dessen quality but you're very original. Keep this up, and if you edit and publish this, I might by it. :wink:

There were a few grammatical errors here and there and with a quick read through, you can find them, though if you want me to point them out, just ask, right now I'm really just focusing on the content.

On to the next part!

~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




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Indeed, a weird dream. Weird in that it's so realistic. I understand the difficulties of writing a perfectly balanced dream, not too funky and not too down-to-earth. You might consider throwing in some trippy dream themes; for example, temperature and light levels tend to stay the same throughout dreams, light switches and watches rarely work, and it's possible to go for inhumanly long periods without breathing (yes, I've done extensive dream research. It's my obsession. :))
Great concrete detail. I love the part about the cooler breaking her nail.
Nit-pick: Kyle and Carl sound so similar that it's comical. Maybe give one of them a different name.
Other than that, great. I'm on to the next part.
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Oh. Man did have a blond moment. I didn't know your name was Dommy. Aha. I am so horrible. i don't even pay attetion. Forgot about the thing I said on chapter one. I totally got messed up. I am so sorry. Ah. I feel like a dummy right now.

--Jessie.
--Jessie



They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
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