Winter:
Winter it was; my least favorite of the seasons. It was Tuesday, and it would be my least favorite day forever, so I thought. I looked at the sky. It was the bluest I had seen for a while. Instead of observing its beauty I kept my pace. I wanted to be home, I wanted my bed, I wanted to be alone, I couldn’t think of what I was going tell people. I shook the thoughts out of my head as I began to finally breathe like normal happy people do. As I walked up the drive way I saw my dad’s gold Mercedes, I felt defeated but relived in a way and he surprisingly met me at the door. “Hey! How was school!” he smiled. I was glad someone was in a good mood. I walked in, not saying anything, just sobbing. “Beth? What’s going on?” he sounded worried. I shook my head trying to get the words out. “Rosco.” He looked confused. “He broke up with me.” I took a deep breath, it felt good. As we discussed, I barely talked. He was the one discussing. I looked around pretending I was listening as he told me this pain I was in would end. What’s Rosco doing? Telling his mother like he did with everything else? What would she say? Did she ever really like me? I wondered. My mind was filled with him and so was my heart. “Dad I can’t talk about this right now…later?” I garbled. He just nodded and headed back to his laptop. I went to my room and sat knowing she’d call soon. I didn’t want to talk to anyone though, not even Sasha. I knew he probably told her his story, maybe even the reason but I didn’t want to hear it. I rather have my head chopped off then hear what I did wrong. I heard the buzzing of my cell phone in my pocket. I wandered off into the balcony, the sky was turning gray but I picked up my phone. “Hello?” I mumbled. “Hey.” Sasha sounded as miserable as me. I sighed “Hey.” “I’m sorry, I heard everything.” I had to sit down, I was feeling weak. “He was walking far up and it was weird because he usually walks with me with Kathy Oliver and I asked what was wrong with him and Kathy was like “oh he broke up with his girlfriend.” And I was whaaat?!? And she was like “yeah, you know Beth Somers?” and I was like “uh? Yeah that’s my best friend”” I actually kind of laugh. Sasha was trying so hard to get my mind off being upset. Sasha was my best friend, we’d know each other since we were babies, and although she wasn’t the most perfect person she was a perfect friend. Silence suddenly controlled the conversation but Sasha broke it “So are you okay?” I honestly didn’t know. I was Rosco’s first girlfriend and all but things were different. I had felt whole. I took another deep breath, I didn’t want it to be my last “I don’t know, I guess I will. It’s just weird, you know? Like I had an amazing time on Saturday and to randomly break up with three days later? I just don’t get it.” Sasha sounded like she understood but I knew she didn’t, until you could experience that you would never truly know. We said our goodbyes and I sat outside. The sky was so cloudy but I could see the sun trying to show its good was still there. I hadn’t just sat and looked at the sky like this in while. My life had felt on the go, but I hadn’t realized it till now. I hated moments like this. Just sitting, having nothing to do but think was my enemy, but then again who was my enemy? Was it Rosco? I walked in my parent’s room and laid down on their queen bed, I spread my legs and arms out so I almost cover the whole thing. I didn’t even realized I had left the door to the balcony open until I felt the winter breeze rush down my arms giving me goose bumps that would linger as I closed my eyes. As my eye lids covered my blue eyes that had became blood shot from tears, all I pictured was him. I couldn’t understand this pain I was filled in. The outside outlook of me was fine, but inside felt broken and stretched. I would lay there until my parents would arrive to go to a deep slumber, replaying the moments with him.
Two days had past since I have arrived home sobbing; my emotions felt exactly the same and the February’s temperature continue to fall, making it even more unbearably cold. Tomorrow would be Valentine’s Day. How ironic? I thought. I entered my old styled home after another tedious day of high school and looked around, for my dad was home another day. He would work at home for a week at most after extensive business trips. “Hey hon.” He said from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes “Hey dad.” I didn’t feel like being asked how school was, I headed directly to my room to avoid any type conversation about feelings and school. Feelings and school are an odd pair, but after Tuesday it came up with my dad. I knew he just wanted to show he was there to talk to but it was something not worth talking about to anyone. I felt triumphant as I reached my bed room and jumped on my bed. Usually being home would mean starting on my homework and calling Rosco, which obviously wasn’t going to happen ever again. I looked at my book bag, thinking of all the homework I had collected at school, I had no energy to do any of it. I told myself I could get all answer tomorrow before the class; I suddenly felt a pound of relief fill my body. Time seemed to move so slowly now, I liked life when an hour was too short. Before I dated Rosco I don’t remember it being like that, but life had returned to it old ways. I closed my eyes for the third afternoon in a row until I heard my name being screamed. “BETH!” I hopped up and sprinted out my door to the top of the stairs. There my dad stood “You wanna go get Blake?” I didn’t feel like answering, I grabbed my blue and black plaid bommer jacket and slide on my black ballet flats. I heard myself giggled as I examined my outfit. I looked completely depressed but I didn’t consider myself depressed. I had no thoughts of harming myself, at least not yet. I walk a couple blocks down the street. The streets were never busy at this time but to be alone on them shockingly scared me now. There were no cars at all, no people either. Never had I noticed the streets like this when Rosco would walk me home from his house. I began looking around, looking for anything to avoid being afraid. I kept telling myself I had made it down to the bus stop without being kid nap or jumped, I would be just fine. Nevertheless, in the corner of my mind I knew my future wouldn’t be definite until I was in the Somers’s home. I kept searching until I sighted a red car. I couldn’t tell what kind of car it was, all I knew it was red and it couldn’t be a new model of whatever kind of car it was. The car was actually more of scarlet then a red, for red would show it was newly purchased. I also noticed the Landon Private Academy bumper sticker, seeing the bumper sticker made me feel better. I didn’t think that someone from my school would try anything legit. I looked at the driver’s seat; it was Blair Meyer. Blair was a senior at Landon Private Academy; I believed my mom was acquaintance with his mother since we didn’t live even a mile away from each other. I reach my deeper into my pockets, trying to get an ounce warmer when I heard my name called once again. I quickly looked up looking for that voice. It was coming from the red car. Was he really calling my name? I didn’t believe he was. I didn’t even know he knew my name “Yeah?” I questioned, what could he possibly want, I don’t ever remember having a conversation with him before. “You want to come sit? It’s freezing.” That was very nice. I thought. Who invites someone they barely know to come sit with them? And I have nothing to lose…“Well…” he muttered. I felt my checks burning “OH! Yeah.” I faked a little laugh and I walked across the street and took a seat in the passenger seat. I quickly took my hands out of my pockets and breathing the warmth of my breath on their pink shell. “Thanks so much.” He just nodded as he messed with his phone. His phone looked just as bad as his car, I decided to keep my mouth shut and be quiet. It was a smart move for a freshman; and I also wasn’t the type of person to be mouthy to someone with more power then me. There we sat for a good five minutes in complete silence, neither of us said a word. Blair played on his phone, and I just starred out the window; wondering when this horrific stillness would end. The quiet made me feel incredibly self-conscious, did he feel it too? I had never experience this tongue-tied feeling to this extreme. I continued to stair out the window until I saw the yellow bus come up the hill. I rapidly opened the car door, slamming it behind me without looking back. I prayed he didn’t try to say goodbye, I would feel awfully rude if it came out later. When Blake came off the bus, I took her hand as usual and we walk home, talking about how kindergarten went that day; for it was an effortless topic. On that walk home, I put the time in Blair Meyer’s car behind me, thinking it wouldn’t ever revisit my memory.
