Insert Title Here Chapter One

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"Were moving", my mother said, "A job has opened up at the school by your grandparents,
and i plan on interviewing for it." With my mom recently being laid off from her old teaching job, i was
expecting her to find another one soon. But New York?!
I could not believe this. Not now, not when things were finally looking up for me. I was a lock
for captain of the JV basketball team this year. I was enjoying school, my friends, everything. I
thought i finally had everything figured out.
Its a wonder what two words can do to you. I had lived in Massachusetts all my life. I had
never even been out of the state! And now this?
"But mom! Can't you find another job? One around here? Ill even help out, I'll get a job down
at the hardware store where jimmy works. Please mom?!" I begged. But it was no use. We were
moving.
The next few weeks of summer went by in a blur, faster then summer usually did.[And lemme
tell you, that's fast] But the day i had been dreading finally came.
I think my best friend Tom took it worse then i did. We had been best friends since the crib,
our mothers both working at the same school, and we just...clicked. We did everything together, from
staying over at each others houses and playing video games till the sun came up again, or sitting in
the principals office for gluing Mr. Knobs butt to his chair. [The ol' man got what was coming to him].
But this was it, our last time seeing each other for a while, if not maybe forever. Of course we
would still talk over Aim and Myspace, but its not the same. I was losing my best bud.
Finally, we loaded all the boxes into the van and set off. Looking back, i saw Tom turn his
head away, as if he was crying. I was really gonna miss that goof.
The drops of rain hitting the windshield was the only sound that accompanied my mother and I on our 4 hour drive to New York. I was drifting in and out of consciousness, listening to Lil Wayne
blaring on my ipod. I tried to have a positive outlook on it. Maybe ill make loads of new friends, and
be happy in New York. I mean, I'm a like-able kid, I'm sure ill get along fine there.

Fat. Chance.

My mom woke me up as we pulled into the drive way of our new house. I looked through the
window at a white 2 story house, and I'm not going to lie, i was impressed. It doubled our old
apartment in size, and we actually had a yard.
"Wow mom, this house is nice! How could we afford it?" I asked.
"Now you let me worry about the money. Start unpacking, we got a ways to go." She said with a
smile.
So i grabbed a box and through the door to my new house. And my new life.




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For a first try I don't think it's bad at all, but out of curiosity... what is the book about, other than him moving to New York?

I'm not the best person to give critique when it comes to the story/plot, but I did notice some recurring errors. You might want to use more apostrophes (we are=we're, it is=it's, you are=you're etc.) and remember to capitalize "I" and names (I only think you missed one).

I like the way the story is told using a first person view. In a way you feel more attached to him that way (at least in my opinion.)

There is one other thing though. I believe you're supposed to write at least 2 reviews before posting your own works. :wink:

I hope you don't consider my review utter nonsense :P
In omnibus requiem quaesivi, et nusquam inveni nisi in angulo cum libro.
Character in avatar belongs to Sarah Ellerton.




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I like your idea...but to me the whole thing seemed extremely rushed and the spacing very annoying but that might just be me...

If it was my story I'd bulk it up with more descriptions of both the surroundings and introductions to the characters....perhaps include why the mother was laid off from her teaching job and why there were no jobs around where they were living...it needs this information to back it up and make it sound less cliche.

Olivia
xxx



Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
— Danish proverb