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Chapter three- (playing with fire)



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Mon Oct 09, 2006 11:34 am
lexy says...



Cady forgave me for seducing her crush last year.
And since then we've put it behind us and we're great friends.
But when I brought up the fact that me and Owen had a "brief encounter" she went cold on me.
Infact she goes cold on me everytime I mention his name. And I wonder... Has she really forgiven me?
If she knew the truth she wouldn't have.
If she knew the truth she would hate me...and love him.... and I don't want that. I want her to love ME.
My feelings for her developed quite quickly and my fantasies shocked me. I was out of control, battling with my feelings and my idea of inviting Cady to Reading was to get her drunk and make a pass at her. At least then I could shake it off the next day if she had a bad reactin to it and blame the booze.
Instead it want horribly wrong.
In the hostel it was going really well. She was wearing a hot dress and all I wanted to do was rip it off her and show her how I felt.
But when Owen walked into the room her eyes locked onto his and she straightened her posture with interest.
I was quickly reminded that Cady was a straight, stunning, single girl and in my jealousy I had to stop him from getting her.
Owen O' Conner had a bad boy reputation as it was so I played on that, introduced myself with a kiss and hooked his attention.... I knew that if i held his attention for long enough Cady would walk away.
I was an expert at swiping her boys, so used to it, trying to keep her to myself.
When we got to the festival Cady was dancing with some gay Reading boys,
Owen intervened and before I could get there he had planted a lingering kiss on her delicate lips.
I hurried over with as much dignity as I could muster and Owen latched onto me. I went for it and Cady vanished.
I set up a plot to get Owen back to the hostel to ruin his chances with Cady even more. I heard her car door slam outside the hostel when I finally unclothed Owen. As he began to reject my suggestion of a one night stand I pulled him on top of me in time for Cady to burst in and catch us together.
And I will live in dread that she will find out the truth.
I met her just after she had had a bust up with her Dad. He wanted to send her to Boarding school but she said she wanted to be like everyone else and attend the local college.
A strong minded seventeen year old I remember walking across the road as she stormed down her drive in a rage. My eyes were glued to the pavement, my punk music blasting in my ears. I didn’t see the car shooting towards me.
It all happened so quickly, my memory doesn’t really make much sense.
I remember looking up, seeing the car, I couldn’t move and suddenly someone ran across the road knocking me forward onto the pavement out of harms way.
The car flew past, its horn sounding off angrily.
I lay on the floor tangled up with the person that had just saved my life.
Cady.
“You stupid girl!” She had screamed getting up and examining her grazes.
I just couldn’t speak. She was beautiful.
“I. I, I am so sorry.” I squeaked.
She looked down at me, her hands on her hips.
“Oh it doesn’t matter, you’re ok right?” She helped me up and since that day we had been the best of friends.
She was stuck in her Dad’s protective world without a Mother and I was outrageous and different.
She spent her holidays hanging with me and when she was at boarding school she often wrote to me.
It was perfect.
Until Owen showed an interest. And if I hadn’t seen it coming before….. I was so stupid.
She was stunning, and the amount of boys I had to swipe before she was stolen from me…. It’s unbelievable.
Last edited by lexy on Mon Oct 16, 2006 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Sun Oct 15, 2006 5:35 pm
Emerson says...



oh! a love triangle! how great!

I was quickly reminded that Cady was a straight [comma] stunning, single girl and in my jealousy I had to stop him from getting her


Owen O' Conner had a bad boy reputation as it was so I played on that
this sentence, or part of a sentence, confuses me right here. maybe you should have a comma after 'was'

This was a lot better than the last chapter, you do better with girls. I'm really curious to see where it goes. But (even though it was great at first) the exposition is killing me. It's too much! stop the info dumps! try something else maybe? it was great at the beginning, because there was real action, but now you're going over the same event three times, all in the characters heads with no action really going on, and it makes it like molasses.

So try to put in more action, or have the thoughts happen with action.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
  





User avatar
171 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 171
Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:52 pm
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lexy says...



please critique my work!!!!!

I can't improve it wothout the comments!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. - Peter O'Toole
  








I just want to be the side character in a book that basically steals the whole series.
— avianwings47