So this is a really rough draft of the first chapter of a book I'm trying to write. I'd really love it if you guys could tell me if it captures your attention enough, and your first impressions of the characters, especially Cassius. I know the writing and layout needs some work, but I'd really like to know if this is worthy of a first chapter. Would you continue reading? Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy!
CHAPTER I
CASSIUS
Tokyo, Japan - 2053
Cassius was searching for a man named Taka Toyama. Last time it had been Lee KiBum. The time before that, Jason Lau. It seemed his name changed as often as his location.
The place was dark, his eyes having a hard time adjusting as he walked down the carpeted ramp to the main entrance, leaving behind the noises of the street and entering an area of muted sounds: whispers, slurred words, and quiet giggles. This was the kind of place that came alive only at night; that depended on shadows to mask its imperfections. Darkness was its makeup, because in daylight this building would look like all the others, rundown and past its prime. Like a beautiful woman who turns out to be just another ugly whore in the morning.
A group of young men were waiting by the open doors, each dressed in cheap suits, their collars open and ties loose. One stepped out to intercept him. The man looked no older than twenty-five. He had obviously tried to dye his spiky hair a menacing red, but somewhere along the line it had gone horribly wrong, and the colour was now a faded pink with blood red streaks. He stepped in front of the doorway, blocking it, his hands shoved casually in the pockets of his dress pants.
“Sorry kid,” he said, a cocky smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “We don’t allow male clients.”
Cassius paused for a moment, trying to recall his Japanese. It had been years since he’d last had a full conversation in the language. “I’m not here as a client,” he carefully replied, making sure there was no discernable accent amongst his words. “I’m just looking for a friend of mine.”
The redhead chortled mockingly but then another of the men stepped out. The tallest one. “You’re looking for Taka, right?” he asked Cassius, staring down at him as he puffed on a cigarette.
“How’d you guess?” Cassius asked sarcastically. He knew Taka wasn’t expecting him, but it was still clear who he had come to see. Unless Taka had changed his appearance drastically, they would know. Then again, who wasn’t getting plastic surgery done these days?
“Go on in,” the man said as he shoved the redhead out of the way. “Taka’s working one of the booths to the right.”
Cassius nodded and stepped inside, passing through a thick wall of cigarette smoke. The room was hazy, colours dulled by the fumes.
A woman passed by, dressed in a glittering blue shirt with large hooped earrings that swung with each step she took. She gave him a smile before sauntering away, which was followed by a glare from the man who followed her.
“No snatching,” the man growled before he too blurred in the smoky haze, disappearing as he slid into a booth behind the woman. The room was full of several similar cubicles, each circular with a single table in the middle, usually cluttered with ashtrays, food, and bottles half-full of alcohol. Women occupied the cushioned seats, along with their chosen male hosts who were there to ‘entertain’ them. This usually meant ensuring their glasses were never empty and whispering pretty lies into their ears.
Cassius knew that most of the women who came here were looking for some sort of connection. The male hosts were trained to give that to them, whether it involved lying or helping them forget everything with intoxication. It was their job. They got paid for it, and in return, the women got a fake relationship and an empty bank account.
It wasn’t long before Cassius spotted Taka. He was sitting in a booth, entertaining an ensemble of ladies, alcohol flowing freely on the table. His white hair was tied back, exposing a smiling face. With hair and skin as pale and smooth as paper, amongst the dark-haired Japanese women he looked like some sort of strange foreigner despite his similar features. He was probably not the best looking host in the club, but Cassius could see why he was the most popular. He was different, which was why Cassius was here in the first place.
Taka laughed loudly, clearly intoxicated, but he seemed to sober instantly when he caught sight of Cassius. Two of the young women noticed his staring and looked over their shoulders. Cassius fought the urge to turn away, to hide. He watched the girls as they erupted into giggles and asked Taka if Cassius was his brother.
Taka ignored them, excusing himself from the table amongst an eruption of protests. He motioned for Cassius to follow him and led him to an unoccupied space in the back of the room.
“How did you find me?” he asked in English, a slight Japanese accent detectable.
“You’ve been messy recently,” Cassius replied as he fought the urge to scrub at his eyes. His contact lenses were drying out quickly and they were beginning to irritate him.
Taka protested. “I’ve been careful. Why do you think I even work here? Only place that will pay under the table that doesn’t involve the drug trade."
Cassius looked around the host club, taking note of the women that occupied the area, each drunk and ready to throw themselves at their hosts. He raised his eyebrows. “You sure it’s not for another reason?”
“You think I like destroying my liver every night?” Taka asked incredulously. “I’ve probably already lost ten years of my life.”
“You still have more than most,” Cassius reminded him. He looked around again, but this time his motions were stiff, his expression serious. “Though that may not be true if we wait any longer.”
“You think they’ve found me?” Taka asked in a low whisper.
“If I’m here, they won’t be far behind.”
Taka cursed in Japanese and then looked towards the back entrance. “Then we should already be gone.”
The two silently made their way out the door and into a narrow hallway, leaving the host club behind but not the hazy atmosphere. Cigarette smoke had seeped in from the main room, forming a thick cloud in the air that had Cassius fighting the urge to gag and cough.
They passed a room with the door partly ajar, revealing a women throwing up in a toilet and a man casually touching his hair up in front of a mirror. He smiled and tipped a hand to Taka as they walked by.
“These are the moments I long for Lela,” Taka muttered. Cassius remained quiet. “I wonder what your father would say if he could see me now.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Cassius replied in a sing-song voice, though he knew Taka would be able to detect the bitterness in his words.
“I wish I could tell you about your father, Cassius, but Raine-”
“Will never tell me,” he supplied as an ending, but now was not the time for this. “Can you enlighten me as to why you slipped up again? Our deal was you keep below the radar and I let you live a normal life.”
Taka scoffed and spun around just before he rounded a corner. “You let me live? Last time I checked no one was in charge of my life but me, Cass.”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Cassius sighed. “It’s just difficult trying to keep everyone alive when we’re scattered across the globe. It’d be easier if everyone was-”
A gunshot rang through the narrow space and Taka’s brains splattered against the wall. He crumpled to the ground, his white hair stained red.
Like that boy at the entrance, Cassius couldn’t help but think as he stumbled backwards, his eyes wide as he stared at the dead man.
They had arrived so quickly. He had underestimated them. He had been stupid. But then he was up and running in the opposite direction.
He heard a rush of footsteps behind him as he hurtled down the hallway. The man in the washroom stepped out, demanding to know what was going on, but was silenced by a bullet just as Cassius ducked and threw himself into the small room, swinging the door shut behind him. The woman by the toilet screamed as he pulled back the curtain of an old tub, revealing a small window he was almost sure he could squeeze through. It was at ground level, and after he broke it with his elbow he turned around to face the frightened girl.
“Go through the window,” he ordered her. “They’ll kill you if-.”
The woman screeched louder, pushing herself into the corner behind the sink, as far away from Cassius as possible.
As if on cue, a torrent of bullets ripped through the door. Cassius dropped to his hands and knees, the bathtub protecting him from the deadly volley. He withdrew a pistol from his belt as he waited for the barrage to come to a halt.
The girl, out of range of the bullets, was screaming bloody murder even as the deafening noise stopped. Cassius took advantage of the stillness to return a few shots in return before he quickly clambered through the window, the jagged glass shards shredding his skin.
He heard the door slam open just as he slipped his feet through and scrambled upward. There was a single gunshot and the woman’s shrieking finally stopped. Cassius was already down the alley, mixing in with the busy crowd that cruised the street, all of whom were oblivious to the carnage he had just witnessed.
He swapped a hat from one of the street vendors and tugged it on, pulling his hood on top of that. He tried to blend in with the swarm of people – the students excited to be out past their curfew and the drunken businessmen on their way home – though he worried about the trails of blood he left on the clothing of those he brushed by.
They’ll find us all, he thought to himself, recalling Taka’s head exploding as he dodged around a couple holding hands. Every last one of us.
But he had already disappeared into the crowd, finally determining what the next step of action would have to be.
It was about time for a family reunion.
I was unimpressed with the first sentence, but then I read the rest and it made me smile. ^^
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