z

Young Writers Society


X-City: Prologue,Chapter One, Chapter Two



User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:21 pm
Autumn17 says...



I ran across the deserted wasteland of Earth and stopped when I saw Terra holding a helpless armed forces guy up by his shirt. I ran up to him. "Terra! Stop!" I said in the Native tongue of Alien.

Terra looked at me, anger in his beautiful eyes. "Are you having feelings for these worthless, pathetic humans Silver?" he asked, his eyes ablaze.

"I was human," I said, trying to hide my feelings, "And it's Holly, Terra."

Terra laughed and threw the human aside, killing him in the end. "You are still using your human host name Silver? That's stupid. Humans are so absurd."

"They don't understand what we are trying to do Terra!" I said, getting up in his face.

His eyes went soft for a split second and then reversed to his warriors face. It was beautiful and scary at the same time. "You are just like Irian, Silver. He's always using his host's name."

"It's his real name Terra and he accepted it." I winced when I heard Joey's real name.

"I think you've lost your touch with "us" Silver." He peered into my eyes.

"Silver loves you, not Holly," I said, shuddering at the thought.

Terra sighed. "I know the problem now," he said with a wicked smile, "You need to kill a human to get your warrior side on. And forget about that stupid human inside of you and live a normal life."

I snapped then. I placed my hands on his chest and said, "I'm sorry Terra." I closed my eyes and a stream of bubbles shot out of my hands at lightning speed. Terra lost balance and clutched his head.

"Ouch Silver, that really hurt," he said and then smirked, "Good thing I heal fast my love."

A second later, a flash of white light blinded me and then I was on the ground. I opened my eyes and spotted Joey...I mean Irian with a force field that surrounded us. I haven't seen him in months. My eyes went wide. He looked...dangerous whenever he protected me. This wasn't any different. But, his eyes were a firey orange instead of the nice, beautiful blue that I'm used to.

"Irian...Joey..." I said as he turned to look at me. He smiled softly.

"It's nice to see you again Silver and Holly," He said, "Now, if you excuse me..." He shot a stream of white light at Terra, throwing him over the edge of the cliff.


____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The alarm on my bedside table beeped loudly. I sighed, swinging my arm and hitting the alarm button. I went back to sleep and was interrupted again by my little sister jumping in my bed.

"Wake up Holly!"

I opened my eyes to find my sister, Lilly, shaking me to wake up. My eyes fluttered open as I sat up slowly. I looked at my little sister as her blonde hair seemed to glow a bit in the sunlight as it shone through my window. I jumped out of bed and got changed into a white tank top and denim blue jeans. It was another quiet day again in the small town of Cincinnati, which wasn't as strange as it was on December 21, 2012. Yes, it was the end of the world. All of the animals and plant life died out.

Only a few of us humans survived. My mother, sister, and me were one of the very few who survived. My father died in the war in Iraq before I was born. My sister doesn't know that she actually had a dad. I feel sorry for her. I vaguely knew him because of the stories my mother told me about him and how he was a hero.

I walked towards my body length mirror and started brushing my caramel brown shoulder length hair. Lilly and I share a room since we had to move closer to a airport. We lived in the small town of Wapakoneta, you know, where Kent Boyd from So You Think You Can Dance and Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, lived. I met Kent Boyd in person though.

I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and looked at myself. I nodded and walked downstairs to the kitchen. The sausage, eggs, and bacon reeled me in, making my stomach grumble in protest. My mother was the one cooking. I was surprised at that and asked, "You're cooking mom?"

My mother looked at me, her eyes filled with happiness. "It's our last day on Earth, Holly," she said in a motherly voice, "I want to make today last a lifetime. We might be eating hotel food for all we know for a couple of weeks."

I smiled and sat at the table. It wasn't scary that she said that it was our last day here. It really was. We're being transported to the spaceship that the government had been building since before I was born. Ever watched Wall-E? Yeah sort of like that except we wont be fat and all that.

After we were done eating, I walked outside for some fresh air. We don't have calendars anymore, count it by days and years. I don't really know what month or day of the week it is now. But I do know it's Year five and day seven since the world came to an end. Wouldn't that mean that it's somewhere in January? We don't really know now. I know its the year 2017, since it's been five years since 2012.

I looked out into the barren landscape of our Earth. It makes me tear up that our world is going to be gone in just a weeks time. We are going to leave early to conserve Earth's natural resources. There's hardly any fresh water on Earth except for the oceans and very few rivers.

I fell to my knees. That was when I heard a familiar voice.

"Holly, why are you on the ground?"

I looked up and saw my best friend Jeremy looking down at me with an concerned expression on his face.

I stood up and looked back at him. "I'm just sad that we're going to be leaving our home, Jer," I choked between sobs. Jeremy pulled me into an embrace, pressing his lips against my hair.

"I'm sad also," he whispered. "We all are. Please, just smile and be happy for me...for your mother and sister."

I looked at him and smiled. "Thanks," I whispered, kissing his cheek. "You're a good friend."

"I know," he said with a big smile. "What would you do without a friend like moi?"

I giggled and said, "I don't know."

"Holly! We gotta go!" I looked at saw my mother waving at me.

"You should go," I said. "Your family is going to be worried."

Jeremy nodded and hugged me. "See ya later, Holls," he muttered and then he ran off into the sunrise.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards my mother. She gave me my suitcases and said, "I can see that you really like Doctor Iris' son, huh?"

I blushed a bit. "He's just a friend mom." My mother giggled as the three of us started walking towards the airport that was only a mile down the road. We had to walk because of the gas companies closed down a year ago.

I looked up at the gray skies and frowned silently. It's been cloudy since the day of the accident. The sun hasn't appeared in the sky in years since then. Once in a great blue moon the sun would vaguely appear behind the clouds. Right on cue, it started raining. I sighed deeply.

"I hate rain!" I whined, "It's been raining on and off for the past two weeks!"

"At least it's raining, Holly," my mother said, her voice calm. "If it was always sunny outside, we would have droughts."

"I guess you're right," I said and looked at Lilly. "Hey Lilly, are you excited?"

"Yeah...kind of," Lilly said with a frown, "I'm going to miss Earth. I won't be able to get a tan whenever the sun does show."

"Ya know they have tanning spray, don't you?" I said.

"It's not the same," she said sadly. "I wonder if we'll get boyfriends while we're up there...in space."

"Oh puh-lease," I said, rolling my eyes. "Boys are so absurd, L. They don't know a thing."

"Some guys are smart," Lilly said, looking at me with a smirk. "Like...Jeremy for example."

"No! No! No!" I said with a light blush. "Jeremy and I are just best friends is all."

"He told me a secret..." she said with her sing-song voice.

That was when I was interested. "What did he say, Lilly?" I asked.

"He.Loves.You.With.Passion!" she squealed excitedly.

My eyes went wide. "Are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I didn't say anything after that. I just stared off into space. 'Why would Jeremy love someone like me?' I thought, smiling softly to myself.

What I didn't know is what would happen next...

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Joey got into his uniform for his summer job as a officer for the transportation unit. His friend Zack volunteered also. He looked at his reflection in a big bathroom mirror on the ship. His light blue eyes were a light yellow. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. His eyes returned to their normal blue. He brushed his long, wavy brown hair for a minute and walked into his room.

Joey looks human in every way. Even his DNA had human in it. But, he wasn't entirely human. He was an alien. A Anakim to be exact. He is pretty tall for his age. 6 ft to 7 ft tall. Very muscular. Long, chin length, wavy brown hair and blue eyes. He was one of the rarest aliens of all time. He allowed his human host share minds with him. His alien name is Irian Yurian. His human name: Joseph Riley Sanchez.

"Come on Irian!" His friend Zack called, knocking on his door. "You have five minutes!"

"Okay!" he called back. "I'll be out in a minute." He straightened his black tie and dusted off his light blue officer uniform. He walked out and found Zack leaning against the wall beside his door.

"You are the slowest person I know," he said.

Zack's alien name is Terra Urion. He one of the other half-human; half-Anakim beings in the milky way. Joey rolled his eyes and said, "I have to look good for the human's Zack."

"You know your dad is going to be mad right?"

"You think I care what he says anymore?"

"I guess not. I just don't want the leader of the Andromedan Council to be mad at his only son."

Joey rolled his eyes again and walked downstairs into the large hotel-like lobby towards the big, double metal doors. Other officers took their places beside them. When the doors opened, Joey was the first one to take a step forward into the world that once was the human's home. Earth.

It wasn't as bright as he was expecting it to be. The clouds covered the sun, leaving the world in a gloomy state. The landscape looked like a fire went through and destroyed everything in its path. 'My home...is gone,' his human host said with despair. 'The sun is gone and left everything to die. Father told me that the world would die.'

'It's not your world anymore,' he said to him. 'Your home is in space. The human's are trying to conserve it is all. But, they don't understand anything until it's too late. Earth can never be conserved for later use. The sun is going to blow everything up. We're trying to help you pathetic humans live.'

That made his human host quiet. Joey put on his serious face and tried to find a family with the last name Cortez. He remembered their faces in the picture clearly as he searched through the maze of humans. Most of them looked up at him in awe because of his tallness. He ignored the stares as he found the family outside the crowd sitting on a bench huddled together.

"Cortez family?" he asked as he approached them.

"Yes," the woman said, looking at him.

The eldest girl was the one who caught his eye first. She didn't look scared at all. Actually...she was hopeful. Joey's heart sank a little. He felt sorry for her.

He cleared his throat and looked at the family of girls. "Well, lets get going," he said with a soft smile towards the eldest girl. She smiled back appreciatively as they followed him into the big ship.
Autumn[user][/user]
  





User avatar
13 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2826
Reviews: 13
Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:17 pm
bubblegum says...



add these things, if you'd like.
change these things, if you'd like.

Autumn17 wrote:I ran across the deserted wasteland of Earth and stopped when I saw Terra holding a helpless, armed forces guy up by his shirt. I ran up to him. "Terra! Stop!" I said in the Native tongue of Alien.
I wouldn't have used 'him'. I would have said 'I ran up to them'. Or something like that. When you're just saying him, it sounds like there is the only one person there.

Terra looked at me, anger in his beautiful eyes. "Are you having feelings for these worthless, pathetic humans, Silver?" he asked, his eyes ablaze.

"I was human," I said, trying to hide my feelings, "And it's Holly, Terra."

Terra laughed and threw the human aside, killing him in the end. "You are still using your human host name, Silver? That's stupid. Humans are so absurd."

"They don't understand what we are trying to do, Terra!" I said, getting up in his face.

His eyes went soft for a split second and then reversed to his warriors face. It was beautiful and scary at the same time. "You are just like Irian, Silver. He's always using his host's name."

"It's his real name, Terra, and he accepted it." I winced when I heard Joey's real name.

"I think you've lost your touch with "us", Silver." He peered into my eyes.

"Silver loves you, not Holly," I said, shuddering at the thought.

Terra sighed. "I know the problem now," he said with a wicked smile, "You need to kill a human to get your warrior side on. And forget about that stupid human inside of you and live a normal life."

I snapped then. I placed my hands on his chest and said, "I'm sorry, Terra." I closed my eyes and a stream of bubbles shot out of my hands at lightning speed. Terra lost balance and clutched his head.

"Ouch, Silver, that really hurt," he said and then smirked, "Good thing I heal fast, my love."

A second later, a flash of white light blinded me and then I was on the ground. I opened my eyes and spotted Joey...I mean Irian with a force field that surrounded us. I haven't seen him in months. My eyes went wide. He looked...dangerous whenever he protected me. This wasn't any different. But, his eyes were a firey orange instead of the nice, beautiful blue that I'm used to.
I would have said '..spotted Joey - I mean Irian..' Because that way the paragraph looks more tidy. The other time I wouldn't have used ... Maybe you could have said 'He looked, i don't know exactly, dangerous maybe, whenever he protected me.' I don't know.
I would have said '..that I was used to..', but maybe that's just me.


"Irian...Joey..." I said as he turned to look at me. He smiled softly.

"It's nice to see you again Silver and Holly," He said, "Now, if you excuse me..." He shot a stream of white light at Terra, throwing him over the edge of the cliff.
If you're trying to tell us that he shot a stream of white light the second he stopped talking, I would have removed the ... It looks like it takes a long time before he does anything. Use a hyphen insted. ' "Now, if you excuse me-" he shot a stream of light at Terra..'

I don't have time to review the chapters right now, but I'll do it later, because I really liked the sound of this story. Keep writing. And have a nice day.
May all your dreams come true.. (even the ones they laughed at).
  





User avatar
13 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2826
Reviews: 13
Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:49 pm
bubblegum says...



Sorry, but I just made another post, instead of edit the other one. I find that a lot easier.
Autumn17 wrote:The alarm on my bedside table beeped loudly. I sighed, swinging my arm and hitting the alarm button. I went back to sleep and was interrupted again by my little sister jumping in my bed.

"Wake up, Holly!"

I opened my eyes to find my sister, Lilly, shaking me to wake up. My eyes fluttered open as I sat up slowly. I looked at my little sister as her blonde hair seemed to glow a bit in the sunlight as it shone through my window. I jumped out of bed and got changed into a white tank top and denim blue jeans. It was another quiet day again in the small town of Cincinnati, which wasn't as strange as it was on December 21, 2012. Yes, it was the end of the world. All of the animals and plant life died out.
Here I think you used the word 'sister' a little too much? You could for example change one of them to 'Lilly'.

Only a few of us humans survived. My mother, sister, and me were some of the very few who survived. My father died in the war in Iraq before I was born. My sister doesn't know that she actually had a dad. I feel sorry for her. I vaguely knew him because of the stories my mother told me about him and how he was a hero.

I walked towards my body length mirror and started brushing my caramel brown shoulder length hair. Lilly and I share a room since we had to move closer to an airport. We lived in the small town of Wapakoneta, you know, where Kent Boyd from So You Think You Can Dance and Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, lived. I met Kent Boyd in person though.

I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and looked at myself. I nodded and walked downstairs to the kitchen. The sausage, eggs, and bacon reeled me in, making my stomach grumble in protest. My mother was the one cooking. I was surprised at that and asked, "You're cooking, mom?"

My mother looked at me, her eyes filled with happiness. "It's our last day on Earth, Holly," she said in a motherly voice, "I want to make today last a lifetime. We might be eating hotel food for all we know for a couple of weeks."

I smiled and sat at the table. It wasn't scary that she said that it was our last day here. It really was. We're being transported to the spaceship that the government had been building since before I was born. Ever watched Wall-E? Yeah sort of like that except we wont be fat and all that.

After we were done eating, I walked outside for some fresh air. We don't have calendars anymore, count it by days and years. I don't really know what month or day of the week it is now. But I do know it's Year five and day seven since the world came to an end. Wouldn't that mean that it's somewhere in January? We don't really know now. I know its the year 2017, since it's been five years since 2012.

I looked out into the barren landscape of our Earth. It makes me tear up that our world is going to be gone in just a weeks time. We are going to leave early to conserve Earth's natural resources. There's hardly any fresh water on Earth except for the oceans and very few rivers.

I fell to my knees. That was when I heard a familiar voice.

"Holly, why are you on the ground?"

I looked up and saw my best friend Jeremy looking down at me with an concerned expression on his face.

I stood up and looked back at him. "I'm just sad that we're going to be leaving our home, Jer," I choked between sobs. Jeremy pulled me into an embrace, pressing his lips against my hair.

"I'm sad also," he whispered. "We all are. Please, just smile and be happy for me...for your mother and sister."

I looked at him and smiled. "Thanks," I whispered, kissing his cheek. "You're a good friend."

"I know," he said with a big smile. "What would you do without a friend like moi?"

I giggled and said, "I don't know."

"Holly! We gotta go!" I looked at saw my mother waving at me.
I would have said 'I looked at my mother and saw her waving at me' or something.

"You should go," I said. "Your family is going to be worried."

Jeremy nodded and hugged me. "See ya later, Holls," he muttered and then he ran off into the sunrise.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards my mother. She gave me my suitcases and said, "I can see that you really like Doctor Iris' son, huh?"

I blushed a bit. "He's just a friend, mom." My mother giggled as the three of us started walking towards the airport that was only a mile down the road. We had to walk because of the gas companies closed down a year ago.

I looked up at the gray skies and frowned silently. It's been cloudy since the day of the accident. The sun hasn't appeared in the sky in years since then. Once in a great blue moon the sun would vaguely appear behind the clouds. Right on cue, it started raining. I sighed deeply.
Eh. Are there more then one sky? 'I looked up at the gray sky' or 'I looked up at the gray clouds', maybe?

"I hate rain!" I whined, "It's been raining on and off for the past two weeks!"

"At least it's raining, Holly," my mother said, her voice calm. "If it was always sunny outside, we would have droughts."

"I guess you're right," I said and looked at Lilly. "Hey, Lilly, are you excited?"

"Yeah...kind of," Lilly said with a frown, "I'm going to miss Earth. I won't be able to get a tan whenever the sun does show."

"Ya know they have tanning spray, don't you?" I said.

"It's not the same," she said sadly. "I wonder if we'll get boyfriends while we're up there...in space."

"Oh puh-lease," I said, rolling my eyes. "Boys are so absurd, L. They don't know a thing."

"Some guys are smart," Lilly said, looking at me with a smirk. "Like...Jeremy for example."

"No! No! No!" I said with a light blush. "Jeremy and I are just best friends is all."
Maybe 'Jeremy and I are just best friends, and that's it.'

"He told me a secret," she said with her sing-song voice.

That was when I was interested. "What did he say, Lilly?" I asked.

"He.Loves.You.With.Passion!" she squealed excitedly.
Okay, this was just weird. I have seen those kind of sentences before, but this was just, well, weird. ' "He loves you with passion!" she squealed with passion. '

My eyes went wide. "Are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I didn't say anything after that. I just stared off into space. 'Why would Jeremy love someone like me?' I thought, smiling softly to myself.

What I didn't know is what would happen next...

I liked this chapter. And I'm gonna review the last chapter/part tomorrow, because now I'm going to bed. c:
May all your dreams come true.. (even the ones they laughed at).
  





User avatar
13 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2826
Reviews: 13
Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:51 pm
bubblegum says...



Autumn17 wrote:Joey got into his uniform for his summer job as an officer for the transportation unit. His friend Zack volunteered too. He looked at his reflection in a big bathroom mirror on the ship. His light blue eyes were a light yellow. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. His eyes returned to their normal blue. He brushed his long, wavy brown hair for a minute and walked into his room.
I felt like it was something wrong with the whole yellow eyes sentence. You could for example try something like 'His normally light blue eyes were now a light shade of yellow.'

Joey looks human in every way. Even his DNA had human in it. But, he wasn't entirely human. He was an alien. A Anakim to be exact. He is pretty tall for his age. 6 ft to 7 ft tall. Very muscular. Long, chin length, wavy brown hair and light blue eyes. He was one of the rarest aliens of all time. He allowed his human host share minds with him. His alien name is Irian Yurian. His human name: Joseph Riley Sanchez.

"Come on, Irian!" His friend, Zack, called, knocking on his door. "You have five minutes!"

"Okay!" he called back. "I'll be out in a minute." He straightened his black tie and dusted off his light blue officer uniform. He walked out and found Zack leaning against the wall beside his door.

"You are the slowest person I know," he said.

Zack's alien name is Terra Urion. He was/is one of the other half-human; half-Anakim beings in the milky way. Joey rolled his eyes and said, "I have to look good for the human's, Zack."

"You know your dad is going to be mad right?"

"You really think I care what he says anymore?"

"I guess not. I just don't want the leader of the Andromedan Council to be mad at his only son."

Joey rolled his eyes again and walked downstairs into the large hotel-like lobby towards the big, double metal doors. Other officers took their places beside them. When the doors opened, Joey was the first one to take a step forward into the world that once was the human's home. Earth.

It wasn't as bright as he was expecting it to be. The clouds covered the sun, leaving the world in a gloomy state. The landscape looked like a fire went through and destroyed everything in its path. 'My home...is gone,' his human host said with despair. 'The sun is gone and left everything to die. Father told me that the world would die.'
Try 'It looked like a fire went through all the landscape, destroying everything in it's path.'

'It's not your world anymore,' he said to him. 'Your home is in space. The humans are trying to conserve it is all. But, they don't understand anything until it's too late. Earth can never be conserved for later use. The sun is going to blow everything up. We're actually trying to help you pathetic humans live.'
'Human's' mean that a human owns something, and I don't think that's the meaning of the word in this sentence. That's why I wrote 'humans' without apostrophe.

That made his human host quiet. Joey put on his serious face and tried to find a family with the last name Cortez. He remembered their faces in the picture clearly as he searched through the maze of humans. Most of them looked up at him in awe because of his tallness. He ignored the stares as he found the family outside the crowd sitting on a bench huddled together.

"Cortez family?" he asked as he approached them.

"Yes," the woman said, looking at him.

The eldest girl was the one who caught his eye first. She didn't look scared at all. Actually, she was hopeful. Joey's heart sank a little. He felt sorry for her.

He cleared his throat and looked at the family of girls. "Well, lets get going," he said with a soft smile towards the eldest girl. She smiled back appreciatively as they followed him into the big ship.

I'm looking forward to read more of this story. I was a bit confused when Joey was the main character in the third chapter. I like it though, so keep up the good work!
May all your dreams come true.. (even the ones they laughed at).
  








Oh, I'm sorry. My friends are in the popcorn and I have to save them.
— Tori Hansen, Power Rangers Ninja Storm