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The Code of Black: Pain in My Heart and Soul -chapter 4



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Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:05 pm
LadyFreeWill says...



Chapter Four
-Jamie Mystique Sorrow-
Okemos, Michigan, USA, Earth.
Next day/ first day of senior year of high school


“You said he’d meet us outside the school.” Ronald Hipskin, Jamie’s one and only guy friend complained, “we can’t risk being late on the first day of school.”

Esmeralda Almaraz, on the other hand, disagreed, saying, “We still have fifteen minutes before we have to be in class.” She flipped reached back and tightened her sleek ponytail of brown hair and scanned the long, wide and crowded walk from the parking lot to the school, “he’s probably here. I mean, we can’t really help you if we don’t know what he looks like, Misty… and on top of that, there’s about fifteen-hundred other students here-”

“He’s over there!” Jamie exclaimed suddenly, pointing at the middle of the parking lot where James was climbing out of a black sedan.

“No way!” Esmeralda gasped.

“I told you he looked like he was related to Belle.” Jamie said, waving to James.

He didn’t seem to see her and so she called out his name. James smiled and started toward Jamie and her
friends.

“Hi.” He smiled.

“Hey James!” Jamie greeted him, “these are my friends –Esmeralda Almaraz and Ronald Hipskin.”

“Wow. Hi.” Esmeralda said, “So you’re Belle’s cousin?”

“Yep.” He said.

“You know you look exactly like Jasper Solomon?” she asked

“Who?” he and Jamie wondered.

“Well, you would know –if you watched TV. He’s super famous.” Esmeralda rolled her eyes.

“So, are you staying for the whole year?” Ronald asked, shaking James’s hand.

“Yes, and I’m thinking about either MSU or U of M for college.” James said.

“Really? I’m probably just going to go to LCC.” Esmeralda said wistfully, “but what about-”

“Wow, we are just going to be having a great school year.” Jamie said quickly before the others could ask anymore questions, “but for now, why don’t we go inside and get settled in on the first day?”

****

As students lingered around outside, meeting up with old friends and classmates after school that afternoon, Jamie waited for Esmeralda with Ronald.

She appeared five minutes later, looked rather grumpy, “would’ve made it out sooner, but…”

“Where’s James?” Ronald asked, “Did you ditch him or something?”

“No!” Esmeralda said defensively, “look over there!” she jabbed her thumb behind her and Jamie saw James a few yards away, talking to two girls.

“We didn’t fill him in on the twins, did we?” Ronald said as he recognized them.

The twins were fraternal, but both girls. One was Janis, an athletic girl with a light tan and sun-bleached blonde hair that was darker at the roots. Her sister, Heather Monroe, was known for not participating in sports, preferring to text, gossip, and read magazines. She had a tan, too, but Esmeralda always said it was artificial, and she had darker hair than her sister.

“C’mon.” Jamie said, walking toward them.

“I mean, you really, really look like this famous guy from New York City. His name is Jasper Solomon…” Heather was saying,

“-yeah, I know, I’ve been told.” James was saying patiently. He looked past Janis and saw Esmeralda and Jamie and Ronald. “Oh, sorry ladies, gotta go.” He slipped by them before they could say anything and smiled to his new friends, “Hi.” He said.

“Yeah, um… I hope the twins weren’t giving you any trouble; sorry for leaving you with them.” Esmeralda apologized.

“Them? No, they were quite entertaining, actually.”

“Quite entertaining, eh?” Ronald repeated.

“Yep. So we were planning to go to my house later,” Jamie said quickly, “d’you want to come with us?” she gestured to herself and her two other friends.

“Uh, sure. Sounds fun.” James said.

“Great!” said Jamie, “so, do you, wanna, like, come later or y’know, just follow me?”

“I can go now.” James answered.

They all went to their cars –Esmeralda going with Jamie because she didn’t have a car.

Once they were on the road, Jamie burst out, “Okay, so what happened in class?”

“Well, naturally, all the girls were drooling over him like complete idiots-”

“Do you think I was doing that to?!” Jamie asked, “You don’t think that James thinks we’re ‘drooling over him’, too, do
you?”

“Of course not.” Esmeralda replied, rolling her eyes.

“Good.” Jamie said, maintaining a stiff grip of the wheel of her open-top Jeep.

“You like him, also, don’t you?”

“Yes! Why wouldn’t I? He’s so nice and handsome…”

“Wait till you get to know him. If he’s still nice, then, then we might just have the first Mr. Perfect in history. And I’m
not talking about how people always think whoever they married are perfect, because that might only be to them –I mean
not that it’s not important or anything –cause it is! Oh whatever…” Esmeralda slumped back in the passenger seat and
Jamie laughed.

She swerved quickly into her neighborhood and a few minutes later, into the driveway of her home.

Ronald’s truck parked on the side of the road in front of her house and then James’s.

“Let’s sit out on the patio, ‘kay?” Jamie asked, heading around the house to the back. The four sat down
around the glass table with the big red umbrella and Jamie went inside to get some soft drinks.

“So, how was your first day at OHS?” Jamie grinned, popping open a can of coke and pouring into a cup with ice.

“It was alright.” James shrugged, following Jamie’s example, “The teachers are good.”

“Yep. Hey, we still need another one.” Jamie said as James put the ice tray away.

“I don’t need anything.”

“If you insist!” Jamie sang picking up one of the glasses and dancing away, keeping the glasses steady while doing so.



“Thinking about doing any sports, James?” Ronald asked as they went back outside.

“Ah!” Esmeralda said, covering her ears lightly, “no sports!”


“But you do track.” Ronald said blankly, “Doesn’t that count as a sport?”

“No, it’s an exercise strategy.” Esmeralda explained.

Ronald rolled his eyes and turned to James, “so what about it? Jamie can play some really good soccer –and
she’s on the swim team. I do a bit of basketball myself. What can you do?”

James shrugged.

“What, you don’t do sports?”

“I can… hunt.” James said. Jamie thought she say a flicker of amusement in his eyes, as if he was enjoying a private
joke.

“Huh. Like for deer, and stuff?” Ronald asked.

“And some other things. I can shoot pretty well.”

“Like with a BB gun or something?”

“Any kind.” James said. He cocked his head, “rifles, shot guns, revolvers …

He looked around at everyone and laughed, “I’m just kidding-”

“-oh!” Esmeralda started,

“-I can’t shoot with everything. I mean I could, but who wants a squirt gun?”

“What?” Ronald exclaimed as the girls’ mouths dropped open.

James laughed again and then the others started laughing, too, but Jamie secretly didn’t believe he was
joking. Belle kept making it sound like he didn’t go to school before, or hadn’t for a long time, anyway. Something
wasn’t right here.

****

The first week of school passed by and soon Jamie felt like summer had never happened.

She sat in her room doing her homework research on her laptop when her cell phone rang. As an orchestral version of Viva
La Vida played, Jamie did her best to ignore it, concentrating on the screen of her PC. The tune ended but a few minutes
later, started again.

Jamie sighed in frustration, snatching her phone off the small wooden desk in the corner of her room.

“This better be good, Belle.” She snapped, receiving the call.

“Esmeralda says my cousin looks like a guy on TV.” Belle said.

“Apparently he’s a Jasper Solomon look alike. But I have no idea who that is.”

“Look it up. I know you’re doing your homework. Otherwise you wouldn’t have missed my call. I want you to see this.”

Jamie sighed and put the phone on her bed after setting it on loudspeaker. She searched the name on her
laptop and images popped onto her screen.

Gasping, Jamie exclaimed, “Belle! James looks almost EXACTLY like that guy!”

“Actually, the guy looks almost exactly like James.”

“What?”

“Never mind. See what I was saying?”

“And what were you saying?” Jamie asked, getting over her surprise, “They look the same. So what? You think they’re
long lost twins or something?” she snorted.

“Not possible. They were born decades apart.”

“Uh, Belle, the Jasper Solomon guy is only twenty two.”

“Exactly! Decades!”

“You’re losing it, Belle, its only four years.”

“DECADES!” Belle shouted again before hanging up abruptly.

Jamie stared at her phone where the words ‘Disconnected’ blinked. Amazing, she thought, Belle’s never hung
up on me before. She’s been acting off since her cousin came…

She turned back to her laptop and studied the picture of Jasper Solomon. Thinking she would get back to her
homework in a few seconds, she clicked an article from a blog, opening a separate tab.

THE NEW KING SOLOMON, it read, So, everyone these days know who Jasper Solomon is right? If you don’t,
read my September 5th entry. Here are the basics: He’s twenty-two, the sole survivor of a horrific car crash –which killed
his MOM, the heir of a multi-billionaire, single, and HOT! So if you remember my last entry, you’ll remember he sang
open-mic at a bar last week (Click HERE to see the video!). Well he’s at it again! Rumors are that he might be perform at
another bar… click here for the details!

She clicked backspace on her keyboard and went back to the original search results. She clicked on another
site which looked more promising.


TRAGIC CAR CRASH KILLS WIFE OF BILLIONAIRE
Ashley Solomon, aged 47, died last Tuesday in a horrific car crash in Manhattan, NYC that left her first child and only son, Jasper Antonio Solomon in critical condition. Mrs. Solomon was the wife of Thomas Solomon, the infamous multi-billionaire archeologist. Mrs. Solomon’s funeral will be held next week and Thomas Solomon refuses to comment of the accident, but sources say that twenty-two year old Jasper Solomon was behind the wheel. He will remain hospitalized during his mother’s funeral, which will be a private event. Sister Sally Solomon will be flying in from California, where she has been attending a private boarding school.



Jamie closed the article, which continued to go on about Jasper Solomon’s condition and Ashley Solomon’s early life and marriage. Her cell phone rang and she checked the message which had popped onto the screen;


Esmeralda: Hey, Misty, what’s up with the English HW?


She texted back and Jasper Solomon and James’ matching looks were quickly pushed to the back of her mind.



A/N: I know this is chapter four, but I have already written this story to chapter 11. I just need to review more stories and get some more points before I go posting some more chapters...
The completely updated version (well, actually, not really) can be found on FictionPress.com under The Scratch Man's stories, if you want to read more.
And if someone says they thought this was a Twilight fanfiction, I'll kill you. Seriously. Only dumb people would think that. Does Twilight have people killing eachother in it? Nooooo. (There will be killing in this story!)
Last edited by LadyFreeWill on Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Formerly TheScratchMan.





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Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:30 am
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Nate says...



First, avoid making the names of the main characters too similar! 'James' and 'Jamie' can get very confusing very quickly for the reader, although one does adapt soon enough. I'd suggest changing one of their names though.

I think what you need to work on mainly are your descriptions. Right now, you have a lot of dialogue but there's really nothing in between the dialogue. For the moment, it reads too much like a script, and that's fine except it just goes by too quickly. You need to allow time for the reader to dwell on a scene so as to build a mental picture of it.

Here are a couple of good articles that would be worthwhile to read over:
Description by kitty15
Writing good dialogue by beckiw








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