Young Writers Society

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Paul here!

This is a cool little first chapter. Interested to see where it goes.,(or if it goes, depending on whether of not you decide to continue.)

The most admirable thing here is how the MC's attitude is very believable and realistic. I'm surprised she didn't say something like "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. I have some bull$&#@ stuck in my ear. Say that again?"

Before anyone could answer me the final bell rang and I could hear all the students stampeding the halls like a heard of elephants.

This is the most specific thing I caught. It's spelled "herd", not "heard."

Aside from that, the only criticism I can level here is to be more subtle. Instead of "I was extremely excited. It was Megan’s birthday today and Peter and I had planned a surprise party for her," imply this rather than straight-up saying it. This happens all over the story, and I think it would really improve the story and make it seem more realistic.

Anyway, that's just my opinion (which, like many things, should be taken with a healthy grain of salt ) Keep writing, and if you post any more I will be happy to review

This is going to be a good book (: Can't wait!

Overall, I feel your writing was very enjoyable But a few things having to do with the situation in the story confused me and hardly seemed relatable to real life. Because it seemed as if this story should be based on a possibility of real life situations. -Nearly anyway. It's the vibe I got at least, and what I felt would make the story interesting anyway, but it seemed as though you could have gone a slightly different route with the situation with the suited men and your main character.

Maybe you could have added in how they found her out of the millions of people in the world that could possibly be better fit for this enormous mission. I also had a lot of questions like this throughout reading your story: Why a high school student? I would assume NASA would be in charge of something like this. Why on earth would real government send a high school student to an unknown planet to see if it maybe possibly is sustainable for human life? Wouldn't an adult be the obvious better choice? Are they sending other kids her age? And why her age? How come her principle says she has no power as a student to say no? He has absolutely no power over her at all other than in high school of course. And no one else can force a human being to do something they did not feel like willfully agreeing to. It goes against basic human rights. Unless those have been rebuked from your story somehow. It was these things that personally I found distracting. But maybe you'll find some way to make it all sound more sensible. If even in the slightest ways.

Other than these types of flaws, I really saw no real flaws in the basic flow of your writing. It was enjoyable to read. You really do seem to have a great way with words and with story telling! But even great stories start out rough sometimes. It's the whole going back until the story seems right part that can be the toughest. I know personally I'm always constantly going back to proofread my own work before I decide to post it and put my name on it. It's become obsessive but in the long run I feel others appreciate better what I come out writing when I share it. I think you can have a truly great story here if you consider some of the critiques I've given. Good luck with your story! I hope it turns out well.

I really liked this chapter! The fact that you used current events that scientists are studying is really cool too. I can't wait to read more about what happens! Keep writing!

-Titan

Hey, Kwantacky!
Wow, this makes total sense to me. And I'm sure it'll make more total sense when I read more. I like it, and it is very cool that it's plausible. If Terra really doesn't want to go, I'll go for her! I'm boooooored.
Keep going.
p.s. Terra, that totally does infringe on your American rights, and you should get a lawyer.
Sorry, Kwan, sometimes I talk to fictional characters.