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(Dreams) Chapter 5



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Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:56 am
Justagirl says...



Alora

“Oh my god Nezra you are in so much trouble.” Said Torin, every word heavy with anger.

We had finally gotten away from the dark figure and were now sitting in the shadows next to somebody’s doorstep. The houses around us all looked the same – brick, 3 stories high, brown doors, not a lot of windows – and I had no idea what part of Fileme we were in, if we were even in Fileme.

“Nah. I know ya still love me!” Said Nezra, her sunny smile showing no other emotion than happiness.

I rolled my eyes, Nezra was such a pain.

“I told you to stay at the Insomnium!” Said Torin, his voice surprisingly still under control.

“I was bored,” she said sweetly. “So I came to find you. It isn’t a problem, is it?”

“I don’t care if you were bored.” Torin was starting to show his anger now, his fists were clenched and irritation colored his tone. “It causes a huge problem and you know it.
“If know one is there to watch over the dreams they’ll get out of control. The city will be in ruins in a matter of days. No one will be able to stop it but us and I’ll be out trying to help Alora. You should have stayed.”

“Whatever.” Nezra rolled her eyes. “Why are to trying to help Alora anyway? She’s just some random girl.”

The question seemed to have taken Torin by surprise; it was a moment before he answered.

“The government ruined my life by ruling it. I don’t want them to ruin hers by doing something similar or worse.”

I thought about that. How could they ruin my life by wanting to “inquire” me about my childhood memories? Huh, I’d have to ask Torin.

“Like I said before, whatever. I’m with you now and you can’t get rid of me.” She said, her smile widening like a kid with a lollipop.

Torin sighed, surrendering, “If you mess this up Nezra, I’ll never forgive you. We need to save people, not doom them to lives like mine.”

“Yay!! I can come!! Thanks so much Torin!” Nezra squealed and jumped around.

I rolled my eyes. Apparently, Torin was a pushover when it came to pleading girls.

He turned to me, “Did you get any of your…things?”

I sighed exasperatedly, “What do you think? I was scared out of my wits by a creak in the hall, and then I had to jump off the roof! Would you have gotten any of your things if you’d had to do that?!?”

“Uh…no?”

“Exactly!” I abruptly stood up and looked around. “So… Where are we?”

“Near the edge of Fileme, I think.” Replied Torin.

“And what are we doing here?” Asked Nezra, her tone mirroring the bored expression on her face.

“Hiding is what I’m guessing,” I answered before Torin could say anything. “Are we going to stay here forever?”

“Of course not.” Torin said reassuringly. “Since you didn’t get any of your clothes and Nezra and I will need some we’re going to get some stuff.”

I rolled my eyes. “And who has the money for that? Not me.”

“I do,” said Torin. “I get paid for being Dream Keeper you know. I’ve brought some money just in case we needed anything. Well, enough for a couple weeks of food. And some clothes for me. And a bit more in case we needed it.”

“Oh. Ok. So when are we going to get our provisions then?” I asked, “And how long will we need the provisions for anyways??”

Nezra looked at Torin, “Yeah, how long are we going to be away? Because my mom and dad will be worried...”

“I have no idea how long guys. As long as the government is pursuing Alora, I guess. I started this mission and I’ll have to end it.”



Once we’d gotten our provisions we started to slink through dirty, smelly alleyways and hope that no one noticed us.

Torin had decided that everyone needed 2 new shirts and 2 new pants. We got to keep our shoes but Torin had insisted on new haircuts for everyone. I thought the whole thing was really ridiculous. I mean, our clothes weren’t even new, they were from Salvation Army and he refused to cut his hair. It wasn’t fair.

“Torin,” I asked, twirling my bright red, chin-length around my finger. “It’s totally not fair that you didn’t get a hair cut. I liked my hair when it was regular. And brown. Not like I got in a fight with a tomato.”

“Yeah!” Protested Nezra. “My hair looks ridiculous. I hate these extensions!!!”

“I made my sacrifices,” said Torin stiffly. “I didn’t want to…”

He stopped, looking for something that he hadn’t wanted to do but did.

Nezra rolled her eyes, “Wow, sure seems like you made a lot of sacrifices.”

“Come on. I bought you all this. At least be happy that no one will recognize either of you.”

We stopped walking and stared at him, unwilling to give up the argument.

He sighed, “Whatever.”

He started walking and Nezra and I had no choice but to follow.

“Where are we going?” Asked Nezra, sounding like she doubted that Torin would have an answer.

“No idea,” he said tiredly. “Anybody have a place where we could hide for a year and a half?”

“A year and a half?!?!”

“Yeah Nez. Sorry about your parents but you’re the one who snuck away when I told you not to.”

“You didn’t say you’d be gone for over a year!”

“I also didn’t say you could come.”

“Why a year and a half?” I broke in.

“Well, only approximately. It could be more or less. But a year and a half is good because they’ll have to find a new Dreams Keeper–”

“I like being apprentice though!” Nezra butted in.

“–And then I’ll be out of that job. Also in a year they’ll probably forget about you. You’re probably not too important to them anyways. The extra six months is to make sure they’ve forgotten you.”

“Oh. Ok.”

We walked in silence for a while after that, each of us thinking about our own problems. I was wondering what we’d do for a year and a half; twiddle our thumbs the whole time while we sat in some hole where no one could find us? Nezra was probably wondering what her parents would think. I had no idea what Torin was thinking, maybe what he would do once he was free of Dream Keeper duties?

About half and hour later we had to cross a street, it wasn’t busy but there were a couple of people on it, including an old man sitting on a corner. When we walked past the old man he held out a tin can to me.

“Money?” He rasped. “Money for my children? Money for my wife? Please miss.”

I stopped and looked at Torin, “Can we give him some money, please?”

“No.”

“Please??” I whined. “He needs it. Look at him!”

I gestured to the man. He was wearing only a ragged old t-shirt, a pair of sweat pants with tons of holes in them and a glove on his left hand that was obviously too small for him.

Torin sighed. “Here.”

He handed me a five dollar bill and I leaned towards the man.

“Here you go.” I tried not to wince at the smell coming off him while I gave him the money.

Torin and Nezra started walking away and I watched as the old man grinned and shook his can, listening to the meager amount of coins along with the five dollar bill.

Then the man stood up, grabbed my arm and twisted it around my back, his other hand was over my mouth.

“Don’t move and don’t make a sound or I’ll break off your arm.” He whispered in my ear, his breath making me gag against his hand. “Do you understand?”

I nodded; shock and fear making me freeze to the spot I was standing on.

“Good. Now, come along.”

He pushed me in front of him, untwisting my arm but keeping his hand on my mouth. I walked along; hoping Torin or Nezra would notice I’d disappeared.

“Alora?” I heard Nezra’s voice call.

It was too late; the man and I were already around the corner. Torin and Nezra wouldn’t be able to see me. The man would take me somewhere and torture me. I don’t know what he’d do but it would be horrible. My mind raced with horrible possibilities.

“Please,” I mumbled softly through his hand, “not me.”

I felt desperate and I was almost shaking in fear.

“No,” he hissed. “Now shut up.”

“Alora?” Called Torin, a light coloring of urgency on his voice.

I hear footsteps coming towards the corner.

The man pulled me behind the next corner, picking up the pace to a job and pulling me along with him. Nezra and Torin’s footsteps came closer and picked up a faster beat on the pavement.

“Hurry!” The man pulled me along faster, hoping to get away with me before he was spotted.

If I just… I thought, wondering how I could get away from his iron grip without having my arm wrenched out of its socket by him.

“Alora?” I turned my head to see Torin and Nezra appearing around the corner.

The man wrenched my arm behind me again. Instead of keeping his hand at my throat he pressed me against him. His hand easily surrounded my windpipe, forcing me to take shallow breaths.

“You wouldn’t want her to be hurt, would you?” He asked smugly, turning us around to face Torin and Nezra.

Torin’s face was a mask of indifference, “go ahead.”

Nezra smiled smugly, “bye, bye Alora. You were always a pain anyways. Glad to see you go.

I gasped and the hand around my neck tightened. I could almost feel the man’s surprise as it was exactly the same as my own.

They would let me die? Why? I thought that Torin was doing this crazy adventure because and for me? Yes, it sounds selfish but, really? Why let me die now? Killed by a random, smelly hobo?

The death sentence from my “friends” angered me.

I’m not going to die. I decided fervently. I’ll fight, but I will not die.

I swiftly moved my mouth near to the hobo’s hand and bit down, he yelped and the pressure on my arm reduced. I yanked my arm away and whirled around to face the hobo. He was ready. He punched me in the face leaving my jawbone throbbing but intact. I raised my leg and kicked him, making him stumble backward. While he was recovering I curled fingers and punched him in the face as hard as I could.

“Ow!” I shrieked.

There was giggling in the background as the hobo stumbled backward yet again. He looked at me once, seemed to decide I wasn’t worth the trouble and took off running. He looked back a few times to make I wasn’t following but I didn’t care about him anymore.

I marched towards Torin and Nezra.

“Who giggled?” I seethed.

Torin pointed at Nezra and Nezra pointed at Torin. ‘

I decided to glare at Nezra, knowing that Torin wouldn’t have giggled because he was… Torin.

“‘Bye, bye Alora’? I was always a pain anyways?!? Glad to see me go?!?!” My voice rose in volume and I felt a bit hysterical.

“We had to see it convincing. And you are a pain.” Nezra smiled sweetly, curling one bit of her hair around a finger.

I turned to Torin, “’Go ahead’!?! He was going to kill me you know! He had his hand around my neck!!!”

Torin shrugged and smiled a we-had-to-play-along-I-probably-wouldn’t-have-let-you-get-hurt smile.

I huffed and walked back the way we had been going.

“If you’d stuck to the rule you probably wouldn’t have been attacked you know.” Said Nezra from behind me.

I stopped short and turned around.

“What rule?” I asked. I was scowling so hard that I felt my face was going to be stuck in that position forever.

“Never trust anyone out here.” Said Nezra pleasantly.

“You know, I probably should’ve followed that rule, huh?” I said, my anger again building up.

Nezra nodded, still smiling like a cherub.

“IF YOU HAD TOLD IT TO ME!!!” I screeched.

As I stormed away as I heard Torin chuckle, “nice job acting by the way. You could win a Grammy.”

“Why thank you,” Nezra’s voice was smug. “Thank you very much.”

I rolled my eyes and kept walking, forgetting that I didn’t even know where we were supposed to be going.
  





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Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:19 am
Kittengirl2 says...



:D Wow, I loved this. It was exciting, and not boring for a single sentence. Although it could use some more descriptions and details, since right now you mostly have dialogue. Also, great end of chapter, again.

Justagirl wrote:“Oh my god. Nezra, you are in so much trouble.” Said Torin, every word heavy with anger.


Justagirl wrote:“If know one is there to watch over the dreams they’ll get out of control. The city will be in ruins in a matter of days. No one will be able to stop it but us and I’ll be out trying to help Alora. You should have stayed.”

You mean, no one.

Justagirl wrote:“Why are to trying to help Alora anyway? She’s just some random girl.”

Typo, 'to' should be 'you'

Justagirl wrote:How could they ruin my life by wanting to “inquire” me about my childhood memories? Huh, I’d have to ask Torin.

Delete that 'me'

Justagirl wrote:She said, her smile widening like a kid with a lollipop.

Love it.

Justagirl wrote:“Torin,” I asked, twirling my bright red, chin-length hair around my finger.

She doesn't actually ask anything here, so you should probably change it.

Justagirl wrote:About half and hour later we had to cross a street, it wasn’t busy but there were a couple of people on it, including an old man sitting on a corner.

Typo: half an hour. The first comma should be a semicolon.

Justagirl wrote:I don’t know what he’d do but it would be horrible. My mind raced with horrible possibilities.

Double horrible? Try something else...

Justagirl wrote:The man pulled me behind the next corner, picking up the pace to a job and pulling me along with him.

Typo: jog

Justagirl wrote:Nezra smiled smugly, “bye, bye Alora. You were always a pain anyways. Glad to see you go.

Forgot the end quotes here

Justagirl wrote:“‘Bye, bye Alora’? 'I was always a pain anyways'?!? 'Glad to see me go'?!?!” My voice rose in volume and I felt a bit hysterical.


Really great. Can't wait for more!!
"A kitten is an angel with whiskers."
  





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Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:06 pm
Sierra says...



Justagirl wrote:. I liked my hair when it was regular. And brown. Not like I got in a fight with a tomato.”
Love it. So much. I tried to put a heart smiley here but it didn't work . . .


It was really good. Really, really good. I think you overused 'coloring his voice' a bit. Don't try to make it sound complicated or flowery or really wordy. Just let it go how it wants to go. Almost killed by a hobo. A random, smelly hobo. You are a genius. This is awesome. Just wondering, do you have a pattern for who's point of view is which chapter by or not? Because I thought it was Torin, Alora, Torin, Alora, and so on, but both chapter 4 and chapter 5 is from Alora's POV . . . Also, I think you should do a tiny little bit of character development on Alora, as she comes across a little flat. A character questionaire might help.
Can't wait to read more!

Sparkles,
Sierra
What a shame,
We used to be such fragile broken things.
  





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297 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2218
Reviews: 297
Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:40 pm
Justagirl says...



Thanks so much Sar-Sar :D!! I don't know how to do a character questionnaire, could you help me with that??

Thanks,
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~
  








So verily with the hardship, there is a relief, verily with the hardship, there is a relief.
— Quran Ch 94:5-6