Young Writers Society

Just something I put together to start of something that I hope, for once, I might finish.

The barman waited a few moments for the customer to get a proper look at the selection of drinks that he had taken great pride in displaying behind the counter. It wasn’t often in these times that you could see such a variety under one roof.
Unfortunately the customer did not seem interested in the barman’s showpiece and simply said, ‘fildrate please’.
With an obvious sigh of disappointment, the barman turned around to get the customer’s fildrate. He turned the tap on the keg and when nothing came out he gave it a solid thump on the top, sure enough it started to pour into the glass he had placed underneath it. He placed the glass in front of the customer who was currently rubbing his face with the palms of his hands.
‘Brewzel kegs just aren’t what they used to be. Used to be able to buy one to do you for life, nowadays you’d be lucky for it to last you the month, know what I mean?’
‘No’.
‘Is that a company belt you got there?’ inquired the barman; years of studying people meant he had developed an eye that never missed a detail. ‘Are you a company troop? You’re a bit far from home.’
‘I’m not company’, the customer took a swig of his fildrate, then with a confused look on his face he took to looking at the glass, ‘this is water.’
‘That’s what they all say. How does the advert go? “Fildrate, fildrate, fills you up so much that you’ll inflate! Fildrate, fildrate, you‘ll never de-hydrate while you’ve got your fildrate!” Hahaha, biggest bloody con I’ve ever heard.’ Noticing the considerably low level of enthusiasm in engaging in conversation that customer was giving, the barman decided to give up and went out back to continue sorting the takings from the past few months.
The tax had risen again and to say people were unhappy about it would be the understatement of the century. The annoying thing about it was that he had to completely re-do his calculations to find out how much money he had.
He was at it for few moments before there was a rumble coming from the bar. The barman stood up from his small wooden chair and headed back through the arch to the bar, or at least where the bar was meant to be. The barman just stood there with wide eyes, staring at the empty space where the bar had stood just a minute ago. All that stood there now was sand, no floor, no walls, no chairs, just sand.

Well overall I found the prologue to be quite interesting. However, the opening sentence

The barman waited a few moments for the customer to get a proper look at the selection of drinks that he had taken great pride in displaying behind the counter.

was way to long and wordy. I grew dizzy as I read it out loud. But do not fret! That is probably the only thing I would seriously think about changing in the entire prologue.

Now, abut the ending

The barman stood up from his small wooden chair and headed back through the arch to the bar, or at least where the bar was meant to be. The barman just stood there with wide eyes, staring at the empty space where the bar had stood just a minute ago. All that stood there now was sand, no floor, no walls, no chairs, just sand.

I found the ending to be very surprising and would definitely like to continue reading to find out exactly what happened to the bar. This is great as prologues are meant to hook the reader, and I believe you definitely accomplished this.
Also, maybe you could elaborate more, maybe give more details about the bar, barman and customer? Those are just some ideas that could be used to spice it up. So, overall it is well written but in future be careful about lack of the lengths of your sentences!

I found your prologue to be very enticing indeed. And that's saying something. It takes quite a bit for me to keep reading something (easily distracted?), but it was nice and compact, and in the shortness quite descriptive.

Also, your dialogue seems natural and believable, something quite a lot of writers (including myself at times) struggle with.

However, I mentioned shortness being a good thing, but it can also be a limit.
Let your imagination run free. Meaning concentrate, but day dream. You could pick this apart. This is after all a prologue, it should give the reader more than just an "event" in my opinion. It should be a set up, something to do with the actual plotline. Remember, we're not interested in a different story in the prologue, but rather that the prologue helps us understand the story when we get to certain parts.

But it is def a nice piece of creative writing. Continue! More please!

Thanks for the comments, I'll take these all into concideration.
I'm very glad it did just what I wanted, the whole point of this was for it to be mysterious, but it will play a part in the future plot.

Possible ideas for where the sand came from...Arrakis! Dune! Ha! =) but seriously it's an extremely inreaguing plot...well...plot teaser. I'm so excited to find out more! Keep writing! Faster!