Young Writers Society

"The night is dark and stormy out, the only form of light or life coming from the many bonfires that have dotted the horizon before me. I'd bet that not many before me, neither more recently nor far back in history, have ever looked upon a seen such as what is beholding upon our plain. It's almost as if Hell ran out of room and decided to send the overflow up-top. If only you could see the look on my face now, then maybe you would truly understand what I mean.

Hahah, there I go again. Saying 'you' when chances are no one is ever going to get as far as to read this besides me. Honestly, I think chances are slim to none as to even half the population in America still being alive. Who knows, maybe a paradise is out their somewhere, somewhere where all of this... evil can't cast it's skeletor hand.

Lincoln is sitting beside me now, wagging his tail, as if happy, yet keeping his gaze at the exit, as if reading my fears of pillage. Funny how a dog can always seem so happy and care-free for so long, and then suddenly turn savage and fierce in order to protect it's master or pack leader. Lincoln can stand his own; that Irish-setter in him is strong and durable, I would think. Even if I do not out last him, he'll still be able to fend for himself.

Looking back out the window, I see that I might have misjudged the time. It would seem that there is maybe a sliver of sunlight struggling to cast off night's blanket and reveal it's woes. Hard to tell with my eyes not being as they once were. If it's already dawn, then that means it's almost time for me to close this book for another night and put it back in my secret hiding place (the bookcase, which looks like it's made of thick wood but is really hollow, flips out at the sides and is easily overlooked by the wandering eye).

Okay, so maybe the spot isn't as amazing as maybe under a loose brick in the fireplace, or up in the insulation in the attic, but it still works.

Well, it would seem that I am to bring this to a close now, my first post in my survival log, so to speak. Oh, before I forget! My name is Paul Peter, I was once a worker at the local car manufacturer, I am thirty-five, and I have an Irish-Setter named Lincoln. Lincoln likes liver biscuits, fish, and sitting by the fire at night. We both enjoy surviving and living. Yes, we enjoy these things very much.

Goodbye, You, whoever 'You' turn out to be."

Excerpt from Paul Peter's survival log, dated October 15, 2007.

Wow that's really good. Though I find that you use the word 'nor', in 2007 I don't think people would actually use that word in sentences anymore, but it gives Peter the feeling of being old (like centuries old). I was wondering though, if your whole story would be set in the format of being a journal entry. I think that would be pretty cool, but then they'd have to get longer as the tale progresses. Overall I really liked it and would love to hear more. Pm me when you write more, I'd love to read it and comment if you want.

First of all, wow, what a coincidence, I've been writing a series of vignettes on a deluded hobo woman traveling with her dog named Averice. I'm rather fond of vagabonds myself.

The style of writing is interesting--your narrator adopts a casual diction and tone, but then the syntax and structure are both very formal and educated. A strange contrast--was this on purpose?

As a prologue, of course, the most important purpose of this is to grab your reader's attention so they won't put down the novel. I'm not quite sure if your first paragraph does that--the first sentence seems a bit cliche. Was that intentional too? I would work on this spot--have something unusual, whether an image, a question, diction that's unusual and interesting enough to compel the reader to continue.

My name is Paul Peter, I was once a worker at the local car manufacturer, I am thirty-five, and I have an Irish-Setter named Lincoln. Lincoln likes liver biscuits, fish, and sitting by the fire at night. We both enjoy surviving and living. Yes, we enjoy these things very much.

^I love that introduction right there, I really do.

The places I pointed out before are, of course, to be analyzed with your own best judgment. However you take this, I wish you the best!