z

Young Writers Society


Fallen Angels: Aren's Tale Ch. 4



User avatar
130 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1853
Reviews: 130
Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:11 pm
Baywolf says...



Spoiler! :
Finally, they are in space and the story can progress. The best way for me to sum up this chapter is "intrigue" and "action". I also drop some more background, which is probably where the intrigue comes into play. You'll see about the action. :) Enjoy! Oh, and please give me some feedback on plot development if you've read the other chapters. I want some outside opinion on whether it seems like things are going well for Aren. As always, any reviews are welcome. I especially love when my grammar or syntax is attacked. Thanks!


Chapter 4: Space

The Herald left Arenstat with little ceremony. Due to the common nature of the occupants, fanfare was unnecessary. If a member of the Royal family had been aboard, it would have been another story. Be that at it may, the trip began the way all such journeys do.

The great ship burst through the heavy Arenstatian atmosphere, following the fading wake of the blue second sun. Once in space and out of the planet’s orbit, the Captain set the coordinates for the next stopping point where they would refuel, and relaxed for a moment in the knowledge that he was once again on the move.

Down in cabin 2-C, Aren was sitting in her bunk gazing outside her porthole window at the vast blackness of space. She caught a glimpse of something blue-green, got up to stand in front of the view, and saw Arenstat for the first time off-planet.

She had to admit that it was beautiful. The purple swirling clouds, green and blue landmasses, and turquoise to black-blue waters were mesmerizing.

“It’s not as big as I thought,” she said as it slowly grew smaller and smaller with each passing second.

Aren wasn’t sad. Many of the other passengers had returned to the main chamber to watch their home world drift away, and some cried. Aren was no such Angel.

“Goodbye,” she said after a moment of staring at her retreating birthplace.

She turned her back on the window, willing to forget forever her life on that planet of wonders. She had no use for those memories. However, almost against her will, Aren found herself flipping back to thoughts of her past; to a time when her parents had been allowed to live on Arenstat. She had just grown into her wings when the Regent had banished them from Arenstat because of their sympathy with the Rebel faction. It had been fifteen years since Aren had seen either of them. Her mental picture of them was blurred but she could just make out their proud faces and shimmery wings.

They—including Aren—were the last of the Clan of the Wings and Arrow: the fighting Angels. Her clan had once ruled Arenstat with a mighty iron fist. The surrounding planets had paid homage to the Angelic race and it was under her ancestors’ rule that Earth was discovered and colonized in part. The Era of the Arrow was done, and for that Aren was glad.

Now, the Queen was in charge, and Aren figured it was only a matter of time before she received the same fate as her parents. Arenslayme had never liked her when they were children growing up under the shadow of the Regent. He had decided to support Arenslayme and she had the power to make Aren’s life horrible if she so chose.

Aren sighed and flopped down on her bunk. Politics had never been her forte. She was glad her side of the Royal family was in disgrace. The Clan of the Wings and Hand could have Arenstat for all she cared.

As she was brooding, there came a knock on her door followed by a male voice that she recognized as that of her new friend Nev.

“Ren? Are you okay?” he asked. Obviously he expected her to feel some sort of pain at leaving Arenstat.

Aren laughed and replied, “Come in, Nev.”

The burnished metal door slid open to reveal his worried face that soon looked confused as he caught sight of the grin lighting up her eyes. He looked around the room and stepped inside.

“I thought I’d come to check on you…” he began. “But it seems you don’t have the same problem as the other passengers. Why is that?” he asked.

Aren’s smile faltered momentarily. Nev had the ability to ask the most probing questions without meaning to.

She shrugged noncommittally and replied carelessly, “Pfft! There was nothing back there for me, dear Nev. I don’t see any use in carrying on about the past anyway. So, what’s on the agenda?”

Nev grinned, distracted by the news he had. “Oh, I think you’ll like it. It’s a surprise; actually, I don’t even know what it is yet.”

Aren’s eyes turned a brighter shade of green and became almost like torches. “Sounds delightful. When do we get to see this surprise?”

“Hmmm, the Captain said to come by the upper deck around…” he looked at his watch. “Oh! Now! We need to get moving.” Nev reached to pull Aren along beside him in his haste to be on time.

“Wait,” she said. “You said the Captain?”

Aren’s eyes narrowed slightly in thought. She had been planning on meeting with the Captain at some point, but wasn’t sure yet if they were far enough away from Arenstat to completely risk testing his ability to see through her thin disguise.

She knew he knew her parents, however brief the acquaintanceship, so she assumed he would be able to recognize her under close circumstances. When the inevitable happened, she wanted to be far enough away from Arenstat to prevent him turning the ship around. He was technically smuggling a potential threat out of the system. Those things were typically frowned upon by the authorities, namely the Queen.

“Yes,” Nev replied impatiently. “He arranged for you, Professor Agrist, and me to have dinner with him on the star deck tonight.” Nev looked pleased with himself. “I think he’s going to promote me.”

“Aren’t you already his First Mate?”

“Yes,” he replied not getting what she meant.

“Well, how much further could he possibly advance you without making you Captain? It seems like that would go against his interests to me.”

Nev’s face fell in confusion. “Oh. Right. I see what you mean. I feel stupid…” He cleared his throat.

Aren smiled at his crestfallen face and patted his arm gently. “It’s alright, Nev. I’m sure if there was a higher position you’d get it.”

That seemed to do the trick and Nev laughed as he looped his arm through Aren’s and drug her laughing off to dinner.

The star deck was a place the Captain reserved for important guests, notable minds, and in the rare event, Royalty. Of course, that first night of the trip, he required it for dining with the esteemed Professor Agrist. And his assistant of course. To make the arrangement equal in number and thus orderly, Nevero had been included in the seating as well.

“Hello, my dear!” Agrist greeted Aren as she entered the star deck on Nev’s assisting arm.

Aren’s already large smile widened so that it split her face neatly in two perfect portions. She gave the Professor a wink, making him chuckle, and she allowed Nev to show her to her seat.

The setting was intimate; a small rectangular table was positioned in front of a solid glass wall. Light came from branched torches along the inner walls and hung from the ceiling. Outside the ship, space was silent and dark. Arenstat had long disappeared and at that moment, no other planets were in sight.

Aren walked a ways off from the table while the Professor and Nev talked, and watched the emptiness drifting past the ship. Occasionally, she thought she would see an asteroid or flash of a distant star.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” A deep voice asked to Aren’s right.

She turned her head slowly, so as to appear unaffected, and she met the Captain’s dark eyes before returning her gaze to the black scene.

“Yes, if beauty ever did exist, I would say so.”

Brisneron nodded in understanding, although he didn’t quite grasp what she had meant.

“I’m glad you were able to join the Professor and I for dinner. I did not want you to feel alone, so I invited Nevero as well. I assumed you two were friends?” he asked.

“We are. Nev is very sweet for someone I just met. I feel as if I’ve known him my entire lifespan.”

“Good,” came his short reply. “I—“

“Ren!” called Nev. “You didn’t tell me you knew how to sing!” He looked absolutely delighted at the idea of such a concept as singing.

Aren sighed and Brisneron was suddenly glad for the interruption.

“Professor, I thought I told you never to mention that?” she asked the unabashed Agrist.

“Dear girl, it would have been a complete travesty had I not. You have the most delectable singing voice I have ever heard. Why you didn’t join the University chorus is beyond me,” he said, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair.

Aren grimaced. “There were several horrible reasons, and one good one, which did the trick. None of which I will discuss over dinner.”

Agrist paled as if in remembrance and wished he hadn’t even brought up the topic. Sometimes he forgot and assumed that Aren was like everyone else: that she didn’t have a troubled past.

She was silently hoping that no one suggested that she sing after dinner…

“Won’t you regale us with a song, once we dine?” asked Brisneron, crushing her hopes into tiny little pieces of space dust. His face showed no sign of amusement, but when Aren glanced rancorously at his face she could have sworn that she saw the shadow of a smile.

“Yes! Please sing!” implored Nev and the Professor together, Agrist completely recovered from his momentary discomfort.

Feeling thoroughly overpowered, Aren agreed reluctantly. “I will…one song! That’s all. And then I never want to hear anyone mention singing again. Are we clear?”

No one replied, and she just had to make do with the thought that she had somehow impressed upon them her will. Besides, it was just one song. Nothing bad ever came of singing for friends.

Dinner was a simple meal of fresh fish that was purchased that morning in preparation for the first meal, a light salad, and dessert. Brisneron always savored the first meal, because after that the meals tended to become less appetizing as they had to break into the packaged, preserved space meals.

Aren ate slowly, and fidgeted nervously with her wrap-style tunic. It completely covered her wings, hiding them from view, but she felt as if at any moment it was going to disappear.

The time came though, for Aren to sing, and she wished fervently that she could take to her wings and fly far away. But she couldn’t. She was effectively trapped on that ship, and it was that realization that scared her the most.

Aren stood; suddenly ready to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible.

The eyes of her dining companions watched her steadily.

“I don’t normally do this, but I’m going to sing a song from my childhood. You will probably know it if you grew up in the Capital city. If not…well, here I go,” she stammered.

What came out of her mouth next was not what they were all expecting. Singing is a talent many Angels have, some with more ability than others, but when Aren sang to them, it was an experience unlike any other.

The tune was a sad, haunted sound. It told the story of the lonely mountain whose only friends were the two suns that lit up the sky during the day and left in the night. The mountain’s only reminder of her friends was the glow left behind in the trees. The tale was not new to any of them, but all the same, it seemed to them that they were not hearing the story of a mountain, but of the girl standing in front of them.

The last line of the song ended in a question that was not spoken, and has no answer, and Aren finished with a satisfied smile. It had been a long time since she had given in to the music; all the same, she did not want to sing. Singing was for those who had a reason to do so. Aren had only her own past and an uncertain future.

“That was wonderful, Ren,” Agrist said at last. He had been busy wiping stray tears from his face, and Aren pretended not to notice. It was impolite to intrude on another’s feelings.

Nev gave Aren a huge smile and hopped up to sweep her into a friendly hug. “I almost started crying when the mountain found out she could never speak to the suns,” he whispered in her ear, “but I figured the Professor had already cried enough tears for the both of us.”

Aren chuckled and gave him a push. Almost instantaneously, as if in reaction to her shove, a sound as if of a cannon resounded in the cabin and the entire ship shook with a tremor. Flashing lights and a siren joined in soon after, and the booming sound of Captain Brisneron’s voice echoed in the room.

His face was deadly focused as he announced, “Those are the proximity alarms! We are under attack!”

He started shouting orders, one of which was for Aren and the Professor to return to their cabins, and Nev had suddenly turned into a serious First Mate, taking and barking orders of his own to crew members who had appeared out of invisible hiding places in the ship.

Whether those crew members had been in the room the entire time was of some concern to Aren. She tried to ask one of them if they had heard her sing, but was confronted with the vigilant and momentarily confused face of the Captain.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in your cabin?” he asked distractedly.

His dark eyes had been darting back and forth since the attack had begun, but he focused them on Aren as if he couldn’t believe she was still in front of him.

“Yes, but—“

Her voice was lost in the surrounding din of alarm sounds and raised voices.

He shook his head gravely, gave a shrill whistle and Aren felt, rather than saw, someone large guide her back to her cabin.

She supposed at the time that she was under some shock. The attack had been rather sudden. Agrist protested, saying he should be allowed to stay with his assistant, but orders were orders, and Agrist was deposited soon thereafter in his own cabin. Except at that moment they seemed more like cells to the distressed occupants of The Herald.

Barely even one day into the trip, and already there was trouble. The Captain was not pleased.

"I hope that wasn't the surprise," Aren said once her door had been sealed. It wasn't a very good surprise, at least to her reckoning.
After all, it is the pen that gives power to the mythical sword.

"For an Assistant Pig-Keeper, I think you're quite remarkable." Eilonwy

"You also shall be Psyche."

"My only regret
all the Butterflies
that I have killed with my car" Martin Lanaux
  





User avatar
36 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1591
Reviews: 36
Wed Oct 27, 2010 12:08 am
View Likes
BubbleGirl says...



Excellent! Your description of Arenstat from space was awesome, and I was so happy to see Nev again-I think he's shaping up to be my favorite character! :)
My favorite bit with him so far:

Nev looked pleased with himself. “I think he’s going to promote me.”

“Aren’t you already his First Mate?”

“Yes,” he replied not getting what she meant.

Hilarious!!!
The reference to Ren's past made me want to find out more, and also, I'm wondering: is The Herald being attacked by space pirates? That would make this story even cooler!

All in all, the best chapter yet!
Keep writing!
"I didn't lie! I was writing fiction with my mouth!" -Homer Simpson
  





User avatar
16 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1331
Reviews: 16
Wed Dec 22, 2010 4:51 am
Jherek says...



Here we are, chapter 4 through the eyes of a Jherek:)
One broad thing, which seemed to bug me since the first chapter, but I can only now articulate, after the aftermath of the singing scene: the customs of the angel society seem contradictory to my puny human brain. On one hand they appear to be a formalized, imperial, stiff upper lip-know your place, rigidly class society; on the other people, at least youngsters, seem capable of opening up to anyone at the drop of a hat, and hug strangers of the other sex, have them whisper in their ear while everyone is watching.
Now, taken to theoretical extremes, the angel society has never had a pagan antiquity, no middle ages, no victorian age, no hippie movement, so this mash-up of pre-1900 stiffness and post 1960's openness would only strike us earth people as peculiar, but since the intended readers are earth-people, you have to deal with this perceived imbalance by adressing it at some point in the first chapters, spell out why things are like that. Or, take the safer route and just tone down the openess and have them be stiff a*holes. Or, make it a youh phenomenon or something.
Anyway, a very pleasant opera so far
Attachments
FA 4.doc
(36 KiB) Downloaded 39 times
"Common sense is the little man in a gray suit who never makes a mistake in addition. But it's always somebody else's money he's adding up."
R. Chandler, Playback
  








You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss