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Avian Nights (Chapter One-- Waking Dream)



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 27
Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:04 am
Moony says...



(okay readers... now I know description could be alot better and it will be in my next chapter i swear, because also in the next chapter i'm going to have something more about the Grace Wars and Chad and Doctor Zenneth's position in it. I'd appreciate it if people would read and comment and crit on this and tell me if it's interesting enough for me to post chapter two... if not then... i just won't post it i guess, XD), And... well... i was listening to Kate Voegele while writing this and watching T.V. so spelling might be bad... LOL)


~Avian Nights~
(Prologue)



Febuary 14, 2131

A man stood as quiet as he could, examining his work and smiling. He wasn't and old man, but a young man, his name was Chad Berling and he was a fourth year college student at South Caldwell University, this thing on his table was his science experiment.

"Wow, I'll be awarded greatly for this" Chad whispered under his breath. He'd worked so hard for this moment to finally come, he'd stolen and lied for this and it had finally payed off. Infront of him, actaully sleeping soundly wrapped in a blanket, was a baby, a living, breathing baby. Her dark brown curls were fluffed in a mess manner and her beautiful, pale white skin and rosey cheeks showed that she was healthy for a lab baby. Chad had seen her eyes when she was awake, they were a gorgeous, liquid emerald color and had flakes of soft sapphire that shimmered brillaintly. He'd named her too, out of pity of the fact she had no mother to name her, he'd given her the name Niles Avian Berling, after his sister.

Chad was putting his beakers and medicines up from looking after Avian when he'd heard it, the door to his aparment had opened and the sound of footsteps walking toward his livingroom where he and Avian were. He'd known this would happen, they'd found out sooner or later, but not this soon. Ten men in white were standing in the entrance way to the livingroom, five more stood infront of them with guns. He heard the helocopter and the hover-ambulance outside his apartment as well, the government had come to collect his work from him and dispose of Chad so he wouldn't be able to talk.

"Chad Berling, we've heard much of your experiment but never thought you'd actually been able to make it breath!" said the voice of a beautiful woman wearing a tight, purple stealth suit and clearly wearing computer-tacts as the tiny screen was glowing alittle. Avian had awoken at hearing the woman's voice and started to cry loudly, but this cry was not human to say the least, it was an ear splitting cry that showed that she knew exactly what was going on around her. "What a smart little peece of filth we have here, but it will give us so many new ideas!".

"Demetra, get out of here! Avian is none of your concern!" Chad screamed at her, frozen in the place he stood. Sweat was swiveling down his cheeks as he knew well of what Demetra planned to do with him.

"You named it after a bird, you named it at all!" Demetra laughed at Chad and took a finger and curled the end of her hair, trying to think as Avian was still crying. "Doctor Zenneth, please shut that thing up! I must think". At her call, one of the men in white stepped up, this one wasn't smiling as the others but his expression told all that he didn't want to be in this position.

"NO!" screamed Chad and he lunged himself at the doctor as he came closer to Avian, but the men with the guns were faster and after loud shots a blood curteling scream, Chad was on the floor with blood quickly puddling around his body.

"Stupid Mr. Berling, your Avian shall be much safer with us than in this rathole with you. And by the way, happy Valentines day Chad" Demetra whispered to the motionless body on the ground, and stepping over him she stlked off over to Avian, taking the baby in her arms. As Avian was in her arms, two small, jet-black wings had unfurled themselves from her back making Demetra almost squeel with exitement. "You just keep getting better and better my little Avi!". Doctor Zenneth was staring at the limp body of Chad, his mind looking somewhere into the past where the two had been the best of friends.

"Demetra, these papers Berling had documented say that he has fused the D.N.A. of an Alan and a Werewolf, don't let the filth bite you" said another woman's voice, but this woman was much younger than Demetra, still a but a girl. Her hair was white as down and it cascaded beautifuly down her back and shoulders and her blue eyes shone with fear at seeing Avian. Doctor Zenneth looked at the girl and smirked a bit at something the two had discussed ealier.

"Please child, you still believe in those fairytales of if a Werewolf bites you you'll turn into one? Even after the Grace Wars, my my you still have much to learn". Demetra gave the baby off to Docotor Zenneth and the young man held her with gentle hands, "Now I believe we must take her back to the labs with us, her new home shall suit her well". Avian stared at Doctor Zenneth with her big, liquid emerald eyes and stopped crying as he stared happily back. "Doctor Zenneth?" Demtra asked from the livingroom entrance way.

"Coming Demetra..." he mumbled and walked towards Demetra. Little did any of them know, Avian knew exactly what had happened around her, every step any of the people took, every little tiny peece of dust that hit the ground, she knew and would remember like it had just happened. She would remember Chad, and remember all he had said to her in the moments before Demetra's arrival.

"I already feel attached to the thing, not like a pet gold fish that I could easily flush but more as a child of mine" Demetra had said to Doctor Zenneth and his brows had raised very high in surprise.

"Demetra... There are more, aren't there?" he asked her under his breath.

"More of these things such as this one? Yes, she is one of few more or own scientist have made, but she by far is the first female that lived and with Berling's documents we may be able to make.... more". And so the two walked off to the huge, black gliding cars parked outside of Chad Berling's aparment that was now burning down so evidence would not show Demetra's group had ever been there.



(Chapter One-- Waking Dream)



April 19, 2146


"Avi!" went the loud whisper of a small girl beside me, her snow white hair was up in a tight pony-tail on the top of her head and her glittery blue eyes shown like that of an angel's. She of all the beings in this lab did not need to be here, she didn't need to be sleeping in a cage, she looked like she belonged in a fairytale with princesses and princes, but sadly that was many of hundreds of years ago and castles didn't even exist anymore.

"What is it Mell?" I asked in my low whisper as I sat up from my place on a small blanket. Mell and I shared a cage together, we were the only females in the lab and it was clear out of all the others I was Demetra's favorite, infact the crazy woman had like me so much when I asked her if Mell and I could share a cage she fully agreed.

"I had another bad dream... Except this time, I was awake" Mell said to me, showing a confused expression. I could tell it was late due to how dark it was in the lab, and from the snores I could hear the guys were all still asleep. Doctor Zenneth and Bonnie were right... Mell could infact see the future, I thought to myself, it had always been clear to me that Mell could do this but I'd made sure not to tell anyone what I thought. Unfortunatly, Doctor Zeneth could read minds, because he too was a bred lab baby, one of Demetra's first actually, but he hated her as much as I did.

"What was it about this time Mell?" I asked curiously. I guess from the sharing of the same Werewolf gene, I'd always felt close to Mell, like a real little sister, the guys were all like brothers to me but none of them had the same Werewolf gene like me and Mell.

"Well... Before it happened I was trying to go to sleep, then it was like a flame was filling my head then I could see flashes of images from all over the place" she mumbled so low a human would have had to strain themselves dead to hear it. "The images scared me more than any dream I'd ever had... Because, I saw the Grace Wars, Avi". I shuddered as she said the Grace Wars because even I'd had a dream vision of the those horrible wars that happened before I was made into Chad Berlings lab.

"What are you two talking about? You've woken me and Shay" said a gruff voice from the cage beneath us. It was Blaze who was the strongest male Demetra had ever made, and she named him herself because of the color of his eyes that were red as a blazing fire. Shay was like Blaze's double, but he was more frial and had blue eyes like Mell's, and he was completely mute.

"Sorry Blaze, but Mell had a waking dream of the Grace Wars and she's scared" I told him simply. Blaze was actually a full lab bred Werewolf and they had to fix his cage in particular with some of the strongest materials in all of the worlds, yeah Demetra had gone to other worlds just to get the material for his cage.

"Well haven't we all?" he said looking up at me through the spider-web bars, I gave him a scowlding look and kicked the area his face was at.

"Mell is younger than any of us were and you know that, and Doctor Zenneth and Bonnie helped all of us get over it, what would you do if Shay had this vision when he was five?" I said to him knowing he wouldn't be replying. Shay was like a son to Blaze actually, not a brother, but a son. Blaze was three years older than me, making him eighteen, and Shay wasn't even thirteen yet.

I'd let Mell curl up in my blanket as well as her's and she quickly went to sleep, I remembered what Bonnie had told me right before Mell came to join us...

"Avian, you must keep this between us, you hear me?" Bonnie had said when her white as down hair cascaded down her back like it had when she'd come to Chad's apartment that first time. That same time she had been acting of being affriad of me saying since I had a Werewolf gene I'd bite Demetra and turn her. I promised her I'd keep whatever it was a secret and she softened her expression, "Avian, I'm pregnant with Doctor Zenneth's baby... Demetra has no idea what so ever and he has told her that he was making his own little experiment and she was full of exitement... When this baby is born in a month he'll give our child to Demetra and I want you to take care of my baby Avian".

"Bonnie... You and Doctor Zenneth are in love?" I asked, it shocked me she was pregnant and it shocked me more she and an Doctor Zenneth were together without Demetra's knowledge.

"Yes, immensly. But, having this baby is just to dangerous and not having told Demetra it's makes it even more dangerous... Just please tell me you'll care for our child".

"Of course Bonnie, with my life... What are you naming it?" I asked. Names to me, ment everything because Chad had taken the time to name me and I could still see the look he'd given me the first time I'd opened my eyes to meet his chocolate brown ones.

"Mell, after my grandmother..." Bonnie had told me in her loud, human whisper.

After I'd seen Mell that first time in Demetra's arms carrying her for the rest of us to see, and then finding out from Doctor Zenneth that Demetra injected it with the same Werewolf gene as me I'd almost squeeled with exitement. Of course I wasn't happy here in the governments labs, but I did have a family here and even though I did get almost kicked to death, almost punched to death and almost was killed when given a virus to see if I could with stand it, I just couldn't see myself trying to escape.

"Hey, stop talking or Demetra and the other humans will hear you all" said the voice of Damian, one of the last of Demetra's first lab bred as Blaze was, and in all actuality Damian was Demetra's son, she had concieved him and everything.

"Sorry Damian..." I mumbled to him a little louder because his cage was across the room from mine. I could see the glow of his violet eyes, the same eyes that caught me in every way possible.

"S'all right Avian, just go back to sleep". I loved the way he'd always say my name, the way his british accent made it almost sound beautiful. Damian was younger than Blaze by a year, but still in some way Blaze feared Damian and it took alot for Blaze to be scared of anything.

I'd fallen asleep watching Damian's cage from mine, he hadn't closed his eyes I knew by the indigo glow that came from them and mine did the same with their color. I was dreaming now of the Grace Wars, the horrible wars that killed so many humans, bots and mythical creatures just because of a misunderstanding the bots had with the humans. The bots were crazed creatures back then in the Grace Wars, and no, not robot bots, bots were actually people who had been bred from humans to be stronger, faster and stealthier than a regular human. The bots were able to wear weapons also, weapons that they were able to control with their bodies like computer-tacts and pixel-lenses. I'd seen a bot in the labs before, infact we had a bot here in the cages with us, his name was Twig and he was ten years old and had scars all over his back from where the white coat humans were training him. I'd pittied Twig from the day he was born, being a bot made his training go even harder than Blaze's and Damian's. Then there was Shark, a vampire boy we had in the lab, and yes, he was given blood to drink but he'd try his hardest not to drink it. All of us in the lab hated it here, but we never would be able to fit out in the outside world as Doctor Zenneth did or even Nana and David who were both living as normal as the humans can get out in New York city. Then there I was now, dreaming about flying the skys of New York city...

"Get up! Now!" screamed the voice I'd hated to hear every morning, the voice of a white coat man that had done the morning call for us every morning since I'd gotten here almost soxteen years ago.

"It can't be morning already!" Mell whispered as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and yawned, which made me yawn after her. The schedule had begun, the schedule that led us every day since we'd learn to walk.

The man opened all of our cages and ran out of the room because he was scared of Damian and Blaze, I'd use to think it was funny, but now it was just ridiculous. Shark was the first as always to get out of his cage and was now standing up stretching. As I stepped down from my top cage I shivered as my feet touched the cold tile floor, but I wouldn't look at them because I didn't feel like getting upset about seeing the claws where my human toenails should have been.

"Good morning everyone!" went the intercom from the speaker at the top corner or our little cage room. Demetra had to do this every single morning, but it wasn't Demetra that did it herself, it was one of her many clones. "As usual your breakfast and pills are all in the dininghall just let me open your doors..." the doors on each side of the room opened, but we all waited for her to tell us to come out... it never came.

"What's going on?" Twig asked from where he was seated on the edge of his cage door, his orange hair was messed up like all of ours and the almost dead silence that filled the room was making us all uneasy.

"Hello my fellow lab breds!" said a different voice on the innercom, one none of us had heard before, "my name is Derek and... well, I'm the leader of the Solitary, me and my warriors are here to brake all of you innocent people out so get ready!". All of us looked at each other, Was this a test?

"Avian, Damian, Blaze, Shark! Get the youngers out of here now! It's finally happening, we're getting you kids out!" screamed Nana from one of the side doors and she ran to an open cage closest to the door taking out Zing who was waiting patiently for someone to help him out. It was like some instinct of mine had been clicked to the 'on' switch because right then I'd grabbed Mell in my arms and was running to a door, Blaze and Damian and Shark had done the same and even Twig had gotten one of the youngers and I heard them following me as we all ran through the long, white halls of the lab. Nana, David, Doctor Zenneth and Bonnie were all waiting for us at a door at the far end of the hall, merry expressions on their faces.

"Doctor Zenneth, what in God's name is going on?" Damian asked as he held Tawny in his arms, Tawny was looking around us all confused at his schedule was inturrupted which had never happened to him.

"Haha! The Solitary have come for us atlast!" Bonnie squeeled, her exitmenet was funny but I dare not laugh at this moment as I was scared out of my wits.

"You mean, we're getting out of here?" Blaze asked, tears were actually swivelng down his cheeks at thinking this could be very well real. Mell was in my arms and I felt her go stiff and her eyes clouded, she was having a vision and I knew this was from now on going to be an often thing.

"YES! We'll all be free as soon as Derek and his rebel warriors get here to take us away!" Nana screamed, Zing knew what was going on as he could read minds and he was squeeling in happiness as well.

"We can't leave yet! They're more! Just little babies in another room! We can't leave them or the documents or formula for our being!" Mell screamed out gasping as she left her vision. I looked to Doctor Zenneth and he knodded that this was being taken care of.

"This way now!" yelled Derek's voice as he opened the door we were all standing by, then I saw it, the sun, I was actually seeing the sun. But this was a glass hallway, but Derek and the other rebels quickly fixed that. After a loud crashing noise, the glass was gone and we were all swarming out of the biulding. The lab had been on the side of a mountian in the middle of the desert, but we never stopped running towards the huge, clearly rebel, ship that was marker with large, black letters 'Faith Shall Overcome In Solitary'.

Before I knew it, I could hear the men with guns coming from a long distance away. I cringed as something hit me in the back and I think I'd dropped Mell, but I couldn't move or even open my eyes as I fell to the ground.

"Avian!" I heard Damian scream, but then nothing. I was, for the first time since I'd seen Chad, not been able to hear, smell, or feel anything around me... Am I dead?
  





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Points: 2384
Reviews: 107
Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:01 pm
day tripper says...



PEYTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN;D

I think this is the first time out of our like... 2 month internet friendship I'm reviewing something for you.
WOW I feel like a crappy friend. bahahahaha

anywho, and we're...... OFF!


He wasn't and old man, but a young man, his name was Chad Berling and he was a fourth year college student at South Caldwell University, this thing on his table was his science experiment.


an not and.
Put a period after 'man' and capitalize the 'his'.
Fourth year in college would make him a senior, so just say '...he was a senior at South Caldwell University"
then, take out the comma and put "...and the thing on the table was his science experiment."

"Wow, I'll be awarded greatly for this" Chad whispered under his breath.


Place a period after 'this'.


He'd worked so hard...


You can take out the 'd, it's not really needed but it can be used.


Infront of him, actaully sleeping soundly wrapped in a blanket, was a baby, a living, breathing baby.


Wow, man I wish I could bring in a baby for science. I'd be all WHAT. Then probably be arrested for stealing some random baby.
haha anyways,
This sentence sounds... strange. Also sounds like a run-on.
In front is two words first of all.
Try this:
"In front of him, wrapped in a blanket, was a sleeping baby. I living, breathing baby."

Chad had seen her eyes when she was awake, they were a gorgeous, liquid emerald color and had flakes of soft sapphire that shimmered brillaintly.


"...awake; they were..."


He'd named her too, out of pity of the fact she had no mother to name her, he'd given her the name Niles Avian Berling, after his sister.


Again with the 'he'd' thing. Just say "He named her too. Out of pity from the fact that she had no mother to name her, he gave her the name Niles Avian Berling; after his sister."
A little less inhuman.
A little more brutal.
Let the blood be your drug.
  





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Reviews: 15
Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:12 pm
shadowed_mist says...



I like it. Its really good. I want to read the next chapter! You left me hanging! These are one of those stories I would stay up late at night just to read. You have to finish it.

One thing, though. everything happens too fast. This is okay, because I make the same mistakes, and when I go back to read them, I realize everything happened to fast. A suggestion? Make the first chapter the chapter that explains why they hate everything so much. What kind of tests do they go through? How are they treated on a day to day basis? Do they all have weird powers like Mell?

Its good! You can post the second chapter. Just remember to explain things a little more, too.
There are only two keys to a good life: the key to happiness, and the key to the house

-Marie Wingbane
  





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107 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2384
Reviews: 107
Mon Sep 01, 2008 3:37 pm
day tripper says...



PEYTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN;D

I'm sorry this is a day late - Italian studying, Journalism projects, and two mile running everyday - high school's OH so much fun. :roll:

Anywho - here's my review. Like I said, it'll be a thorough, 50 pt. review. hehe


He wasn't and old man, but a young man, his name was Chad Berling and he was a fourth year college student at South Caldwell University, this thing on his table was his science experiment.


He wasn't an old man, but a young man. His name was Chad Berling and he was a senior at South Caldwell University. The thing on the table was his science experiment.

Doesn't that sound better?


"Wow, I'll be awarded greatly for this" Chad whispered under his breath. He'd worked so hard for this moment to finally come, he'd stolen and lied for this and it had finally payed off.


Put a period after 'this'.


Infront of him, actaully sleeping soundly wrapped in a blanket, was a baby, a living, breathing baby.


In front is two words.
"In front of him, wrapped in a blanket, was a sleeping baby. An actual living, breathing, baby."
Sometimes rewording does a lot.


Chad was putting his beakers and medicines up from looking after Avian when he'd heard it, the door to his aparment had opened and the sound of footsteps walking toward his livingroom where he and Avian were.


I cannot understand that first part of your sentence. >.<
HA! That's the first time I've ever done that smiley. haha


He'd known this would happen, they'd found out sooner or later, but not this soon.


Just put He knew this would happen.


"What a smart little peece of filth we have here, but it will give us so many new ideas!".


Take out the 'but', and the period at the end. Since you put a ! you dont need the period.


Chad screamed at her, frozen in the place he stood.


Take out the "he stood".


loud shots a blood curteling scream

"...shots and a blood curteling scream.

Curteling is Curtailing.


"Stupid Mr. Berling, your Avian shall be much safer with us than in this rathole with you. And by the way, happy Valentines day Chad" Demetra whispered to the motionless body on the ground, and stepping over him she stlked off over to Avian, taking the baby in her arms.


Period after Chad.
Stalked


"You just keep getting better and better my little Avi!".

Again, no need for the period.


"Demetra, these papers Berling had documented say that he has fused the D.N.A. of an Alan and a Werewolf, don't let the filth bite you" said another woman's voice, but this woman was much younger than Demetra, still a but a girl.


Period after 'you'. Capitalize the s in Said, and make it still a girl.


peece


Piece*


Yes, she is one of few more or own scientist


...What?


"I had another bad dream... Except this time, I was awake"


lowercase the 'e' in except and period after 'awake'.


"Well... Before it happened I was trying to go to sleep, then it was like a flame was filling my head then I could see flashes of images from all over the place"


Again, lowercase the 'b' in before and period at the end.


she mumbled so low a human would have had to strain themselves dead to hear it.


Upercase the s in 'She'.


Because, I saw the Grace Wars, Avi". I shuddered as she said the Grace Wars because even I'd had a dream vision of the those horrible wars that happened before I was made into Chad Berlings lab.


Lowercase the b in because, change I'd to I've and change into to in.


"What are you two talking about? You've woken me and Shay" said a gruff voice from the cage beneath us. It was Blaze who was the strongest male Demetra had ever made, and she named him herself because of the color of his eyes that were red as a blazing fire. Shay was like Blaze's double, but he was more frial and had blue eyes like Mell's, and he was completely mute.


Period after Shay, upercase the S in said. take out the 'and' after made. put 'as' in between were and red.
Frial is spelled frail.


"Sorry Blaze, but Mell had a waking dream of the Grace Wars and she's scared" I told him simply. Blaze was actually a full lab bred Werewolf and they had to fix his cage in particular with some of the strongest materials in all of the worlds, yeah Demetra had gone to other worlds just to get the material for his cage.


Period after scared and take out that 'yeah'.


white as down hair cascaded down her back like it had when she'd come to Chad's apartment that first time.


You used the same description before.


Affraid


Afraid*


"Bonnie... You and Doctor Zenneth are in love?" I asked, it shocked me she was pregnant and it shocked me more she and an Doctor Zenneth were together without Demetra's knowledge.


This confuzled me.


.. Just please tell me you'll care for our child".


lowercase the j and put the period before the quote.


"Of course Bonnie, with my life... What are you naming it?" I asked. Names to me, ment everything because Chad had taken the time to name me and I could still see the look he'd given me the first time I'd opened my eyes to meet his chocolate brown ones.


LOWERCASEEE! Haha.
And take out the coma after me.


"Hey, stop talking or Demetra and the other humans will hear you all" said the voice of Damian, one of the last of Demetra's first lab bred as Blaze was, and in all actuality Damian was Demetra's son, she had concieved him and everything.


Period after 'all'. And then I couldn't understand anything at all after that. Haha...


"S'all right Avian, just go back to sleep".


Period goes after sleep.


I'd pittied Twig from the day he was born, being a bot made his training go even harder than Blaze's and Damian's. Then there was Shark, a vampire boy we had in the lab, and yes, he was given blood to drink but he'd try his hardest not to drink it. All of us in the lab hated it here, but we never would be able to fit out in the outside world as Doctor Zenneth did or even Nana and David who were both living as normal as the humans can get out in New York city. Then there I was now, dreaming about flying the skys of New York city...


I instead of I'd.
And I couldn't quite understand the ending. Reword it?


soxteen


Sixteen*


went the intercom from the speaker at the top corner or our little cage room.


Capitalize the w.





Wow. This was very interesting. Long, but interesting.
I liked it a lot though. I'm very into it... very into it.
I love the name 'Grace Wars'. It's very creative. GOOD JOB PEY!
A little less inhuman.
A little more brutal.
Let the blood be your drug.
  





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Points: 890
Reviews: 27
Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:45 am
Moony says...



XD, olivia

I'll fix everything later and I'm glad you like it shadowed_mist
the next chapter will be up in a few days
  








Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill