z

Young Writers Society


MTS



User avatar
34 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 34
Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:50 am
NightsDreamer2277 says...



((Comments appriciated))
The Mission
With a sigh the team complied and listened as the Major ran through the general information. Their mission was to rescue a boy from the labs in the nearby city, without being recorded, caught, or killed. According to the record, he was on the second basement floor in a sealed cell that would require an access key to deactivate the alarms. The boy's powers dealt with energy absorbsion, so they could not touch his skin. Also, the staff would have anti-mutant weapons on hand that could disable all of them if they weren't careful.

"Sounds fun," Kochi said sarcastically. "What's the chance that we'll actually succeed on this one?"

Major Drake eyes bored into him as he replied, "Enough for me to send you out there, Oitoke. Any other smart remarks or can I introduce you to some of the equipment that you'll have?"

As the silence followed, the former drill sergeant smiled thinly. "Good. First off, you each will be given a set of the new Mythral armor that Sang-dome has created. It should repel the majority of bullets while allowing you to move freely. There are also some specialized devices for each of you. Make sure you use them wisely,” he said, handing them the weapons.

"Now that you've been briefed, how about you get working with your new weapons in the LIVE tech," Drake said somberly. "There is no room for failure on this mission. One mistake could get you caught, killed, or worse… Bear that in mind."

Nodding the teenagers set off to the LIVE tech. It was a metal dome about the size of a building that generated holograms and served as a practice arena. The designer had built it also to contain energy released by mutants. The Light Interactive Virtual Experience made all the situations seem real.

As they entered the structure, the four could hear the Major through the intercom. "This simulation will be almost exactly like what you will face at the institution. The rounds being used will not kill you. I will give you an option to remove the earlier punishment by using the knock out bullets which will leave you out for two minutes a piece. Or we can use the regulars and you will go for twice the time. Which one?”

Luke grimaced unhappily. Either way would leave them sorer than a five mile run for a fat man. Glancing at his teammates, the captain saw that they agreed with his decision. "The knockout darts…"

Moving to the center of the metal room, the team readied their weapons as they waited for the simulation to begin. Suddenly, the lights dimmed, and a dark forest seemed to build up around them mile by mile until it filled their vision. There was no moonlight and everything seemed tense. “There is a transport line of trucks coming from the west and the base is around two hundred meters south from where you are standing.” Drake’s voice echoed through the trees. “Just like it will be when you really go.”

Gathering his thoughts quickly, Luke motioned for the team to follow him towards the road. The headlights of the vehicles made them easy to locate as they lumbered along a dusty road. “Hitch a ride with one of those transport trucks,” Luke ordered softly.

With a quiet affirmation, Kochi vanished beneath the ground. A few seconds later, the team saw one of the trucks lurch violently as its wheel struck a rather large hump of earth. When it had settled back to the road, the driver got out of the truck with his gun in his hand as he walked around, looking for the source.

Slipping past, Luke saw Kochi and Rubella get on board. Slipping beneath on of the halted autos, he pressed a button on his bands and they twined around the shaft neatly, holding him in place. With a sigh, he glanced up to see that only Sari had not managed to get with one of the transports.

Eyes closed in concentration, Saria built up her psycic energy before softly vanishing. Forcing her mind to think of where she wanted to go, she felt her feet hit solid ground. Opening her eyes, she caught her breath as she stared into the face of one of the guards. Without even a moment to breath, she watched him raise his gun and shoot her.

Luke was suddenly aware that more guards were getting out of the trucks and moving quietly around. Then he heard two slight ‘thud’s outside, coming from where Ruby and Kochi had hidden. Keeping completely still, he deactivated his bands right as a hand reached under to grab him and then he was in the blackness.

With a groan of pain, Luke opened his eyes to find himself back in the silver LIVE dome. Rubbing his head, the leader saw that his team was also picking themselves off the floor. His body protested already to the treatment, and it had barely been ten minutes. Glancing at the others, he sighed darkly as Major Drake called, “Again.”

~~~~~~~
Two hours later, Luke led his team out, rubbing a very stiff back. He'd been hit nine times by the darts, mainly while in the air. And he couldn't even begin to count the number of bruises he had.

Walking slightly behind him, Ruby relocated her fingers. The magician's eyes sparkled irately as her knuckles popped like typewriters. Pouting slightly, she commented, "We're screwed for this next mission…"

Wheeling on her, the captain glared icily as sparks crackled at his fingertips. His tone was insulting. "I think that was obvious when it took us fifteen tries to pass the LIVE simulation. Or did you not notice the fact we failed almost every time?"

"Luke, don't be a jerk!" Sari shouted, frustrated immensely. "Ruby does have a point. We aren't ready for this mission! The odds are against us enough as it is, but when you add in the fact he has the ability to nullify powers it makes it nearly impossible!"

"You both are sprouting defeatist bullshit," the leader glowered. "We can and will complete the mission. Provided everyone keeps in control, we should be fine. But I need everyone at their best, Sari. And you're not. Neither is Rubella."

Stung by his pointed remark, the magician's cheeks flushed magenta. Her eyes narrowed coldly as she twisted an energy sphere in her fingers. "Last time I checked, leader man, I was hit less then you in the simulation runs. So don't come preaching to me about not being at the height of my game. My powers are the most unpredictable of any of you, and I haven't caused a single screw up," Ruby said coldly to mask how much his remarks were hurting her.

"Hey, calm down, everyone," Kochi said holding up his hands. "The energy is starting to spark in here it's so tense. Luke, calm down. We have a day before the mission and a lot can be accomplished during that time. Sari, you know he didn't mean it like that. So quit blowing things out of proportion."

Turning on her heel, the girl left, and Luke did as well. Ruby headed off alone to the gym. With a sigh, Kochi began to plot out how to get the team working again. If things continued like they were, things would really be bad.
~~~~
Sunday came around faster than anyone had thought possible. Tensions still ran through the team, but they had managed to pass the simulations easily with some practice. As they dressed, all of them sighed, Major Drake's warning still running through their heads. "While the simulation may only give you a head ache and some bruises, these people will not hesitate to go farther. There is no ending the simulation if things get bad this time. Rely on your skills and each other and you will make it through, but if you do not function as a team, you will not be coming back…"

Silently, they gathered in the transport room. The school's headmaster turned to each of them in turn, gazing at them steadily through his storm gray eyes. Satisfied that everyone was ready, the major signaled for the techs to start the transportation sequence. "Good luck."
Last edited by NightsDreamer2277 on Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"When you need a stress relief, simply count to twenty. If you get to twenty and your still mad, go to a hundred. If you are mad after that, then go find some anger management, because we seriously have just wasted two minutes."-- Jazz
  





User avatar
1464 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464
Sat Jan 26, 2008 5:41 am
JabberHut says...



Hello! :) I thought I'd stop by and be the first reviewer for you! :D Actually, the title of this caught my eye. I wanted to know what it meant (and I like a good sci-fi ^^).

With a sigh, the team complied and listened as the [s]major[/s] Major ran through the general information.


According to the record, he was on the second basement floor, [no comma] in a sealed cell that would require an access key to deactivate the alarms. The boy's powers dealt with energy [s]absorbing[/s] absorption [?]...


Any other smart remarks or can I introduce you the some of the equipment that you'll have?"


"...introduce you to some of the..."

"Now that you've been briefed, how about you get working with your new weapons in the LIVE tech," Drake said somberly. "There is no room for failure on this mission. One mistake could get you caught, killed, or worse… [s]bear[/s] Bear that in mind."

Nodding, the teenagers set off to the LIVE tech. It was a metal dome about the size of a building that generated holograms and served as a practice arena. The designer had built it also to contain energy released by mutants. The Light Interactive Virtual Experience made all the situations seem real.


You kind of made it sound like he would be showing more than one weapon they would be using. I was disappointed that after only one, he was done and was going to show them to the LIVE tech. I like this kind of stuff. :)

"This simulation will be almost exactly like what you will face at the institution. The rounds being used will not kill you. I will give you an option to remove the earlier punishment by using the knock out bullets which will leave you out for two minutes a piece. Or we can use the regulars and you will go for twice the time. Which one?"


Maybe, since he's speaking through an intercom, use italics? It just looks nicer that way, I think. Up to you. :) (There's an intercom later on, btw, if you wish to go with my idea. :wink:)

Wheeling on her, the captain glared icily as sparks crackled at his fingertips.


The odds are against us enough as it is, but when you add in the fact he has the ability to nullify powers, it makes it nearly impossible!"


"You both are sprouting defeatist [s]bull shit[/s] bullshit," the leader said icily.


You used that word quite recently. Use "glower" or "angrily" or something to your interest. :)

"Last time I checked, leader man, I was hit less [s]then[/s] than you in the simulation runs.


"Hey, calm down, everyone," Kochi said holding up his hands. "The energy is starting to spark in here, it's so tense.


Turning on her heel, the girl left, and Luke did as well.


Tensions still ran [s]between[/s] about [through, throughout, around, etc.] the team, but they had managed to pass the simulations easily with some practice.


The school's headmaster turned to each of them in turn, gazing at them [s]steady[/s] steadily through his storm gray eyes.


Overall, I really liked this! Your characterization was wonderful, and I was sucked into the story from the beginning. Bravo! There's a few pointers above, so there's nothing else for me to mention. Very good job here! I'd love to read more, if you plan to write more. I'd be more than happy to critique for you. :)

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.
  








Congratulations!
— Magestorrrow