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Chapter 2 of "Tainted Life."



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Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:26 pm
Calmal says...



Here is the second chapter of "Tainted Life" by Callum Marshall.
Chapter 2: A Disturbance on Farge.
High Priest S’Lman.

Sitting on his meditation mat and completely emptying his mind was like riding a bike. Once you got the hang of it, you would never forget how to do it. Since the age of 5, the priests of the Gem Temple had chosen S’Lman to educate other Fargons in the nature of the D’scites. The mystical race created every living thing and continued to expand life beyond the whole universe.
The Decton was born with an unusually high percentage of D’scites within him and was easily found out by fellow priests. The current Decton, C’Dloc, was wise and compassionate despite tradition claiming the Fargon leader must be strict with all his subjects to ensure they would survive against the omnipresent H’yrelli. The evil brother race seeked to rip apart the very existence of life but was kept at bay by its sibling.
As pilgrims bathed in the rainbow of light reflected onto the land by the mysterious gems, S’Lman retreated to the temple library to do some private study among his equals. Yet as he entered the grand room, his fellow priests had enclosed themselves into a circle. The four yellowed skin humanoids wore their prayer necklaces, each of the twenty three beads a different colour. As they sat enclosed, the beads glowed and hovered as the priests communicated through telekinesis. The four of them where in deep concentration and no one could wake them. They sensed his present and silently beckoned him to join them. He sat and held hands and delved into group discussion among them so as not to be overheard. His beads also glowed and rose to meet with the others.
S’Lman, you have arrived in time spoke the voices of the four other priests.
Do you sense something brothers?
There is a growing disturbance rife among our galaxy.
Are the H’yrelli at work?
It is hard to tell Z’Pheb spoke.
They are under restraint but are plotting said K’Rbop.
Plotting? S’Lman asked.
We must be wary whispered D’Ycog.
Should we act?
The D’scites are watching them muttered G’Uwaz.
We can trust them to watch out for us can we not? Questioned S’Lman.
Indeed, but we should be prepared spoke the group.
Should we inform the Decton of your concerns?
Normally, we would deal with this conflict through passive consultation. But this new action is unlike the H’yrelli. They are hiding and are waiting rather than plain destruction. We shall consult C’Dloc and warn him.
Without saying another word, the High Priests stood and left the library in synchronisation. With a silent escort they left the Gem Temple and made their way along the winding road towards the Gem Palace. Ascending the stairways numerous attendants and guards bowed and granted them access without a second thought. At the main consultation room however C’Dloc was nowhere to be found. Asking the chief attendant, the loyal subject told the high priests that C’Dloc was in private council with his Exchequer discussing financial matters.
“You can book an appointment if you wish.” The servant offered.
“No. We must speak to him now.” The five spoke in unison.
The unknowing subject was about to argue when the Decton entered the hall and hurried to the group with his thick ruby robes rustling and gemmed fingers rattling.
“Council, the D’scites. They are telling me you have a great matter to discuss. Shall we go in?”
C’Dloc bustled them inside, shut the doors and talked through telekinesis to avoid anyone listening in
The H’yrelli.They are plotting Spoke the three priests
Can we do anything? Asked the Decton.
The D’scites request that we do not discuss any plans here
They request another pilgrimage?
We will accompany you sire.
Then rustle up my personal fleet. We are to head to the centre of the galaxy as soon as possible and meet the D’scites.
Last edited by Calmal on Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Calmal
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 4198
Reviews: 30
Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:26 pm
Stealth_Slicer says...



Ok to start off with you begin talking about on of the alien races of your piece. However you don’t include any description of them, back-story yes but not description. The reader has no idea what these creatures look like are they similar to humans totally different? Also do they have any distinguishing features? I would say that description is a big thing you should improve on. On the plus side you are giving us a bit of back-story. Like I said before don’t get discouraged just keep looking over the comments taking them into account and improving.

All the best.
  





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9 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 2049
Reviews: 9
Tue Nov 10, 2009 5:09 pm
Calmal says...



Thanks for that Stealth Slicer. I have now changed it slightly to bear the description of the High Priests. Enjoy everyone else!
Calmal
  








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