(Again, I need honest critiques, especially near the end. I need suggestions on how to lengthen the last few paragraphs of the chapter. Also, sorry if some of you see the same mistakes in here that you pointed out in the last chapter. I wrote this one before anyone critiqued the first one.)
Chapter 2:
Dynamo and Amber arrived at a large open field after leaving Horizon City. The wind flowed gently across the grassy fields making them look like small oceans. There were a few trees here and there and they spotted one or two farms off in the distance. Far off in the distance they could see mountains lining the edge of the grasslands.
“So, where are we now?” Amber asked.
Dynamo opened up his map on the PSD. An exclamation mark appeared on the black sphere before a small portion of the map, about three times the size of the gray spot that was Horizon City appeared. It was green with a few dots that indicated farm houses. Dynamo touched the new area on the sphere and a window with a map opened. “Says here we’re in a place called Sunset Fields. Wait, there’s a message here.” He read it for his sister. “Recommended for players levels one through five.”
“We’re in the right place then. Let’s go find stuff to kill!” Amber ran off, leaving Dynamo to chase after her.
“Amber, wait up! You don’t know what’s out there!” He tried to keep up with his sister but being a thief her character was considerably faster than his.
Amber suddenly stopped, allowing Dynamo to catch up. She pointed ahead and said, “Look, over there!” A few yards away were three dogs walking around aimlessly. Two of them had gray coats and one of them was black. “I bet we can beat those things.”
“But Amber, there so cute!” Dynamo loved dogs, every time he saw one on the street without an owner he would bring it home with him in hopes that his parents would say yes. But since they lived in an apartment dogs weren’t allowed. That didn’t deter him from bringing them home anyway.
“Dynamo, this is a game. You know those aren’t real dogs.”
“Yeah, but we can’t kill them! Look at them, there’s so cute.” Dynamo started walking toward the group of dogs.
“What are you doing, Dynamo? Those things are going to attack you if you get too close!”
“Relax Amber, they aren’t going to hurt me.” The dogs spotted Dynamo and immediately bared their teeth, barking and snarling at him. They seemed to position themselves so the black dog was between the two gray ones.
“See, I told you!” Amber shouted as she reached for her dagger. Dynamo’s PSD started to beep as a window appeared in front of him. It read, ‘Battle! Stray Dogs Lv. 1: x3.’ As suddenly as the window had appeared it disappeared. Music began to play from some unknown source. “What’s that sound?” Amber asked.
Dynamo looked over his shoulder at his sister. “I think it’s the game’s soundtrack. It probably plays every time you fight.”
Amber’s eyes went wide. “Dynamo, look out!” One of the stray dogs slammed into Dynamo’s chest before he had a chance to move. He grunted as he hit the ground, hard. From where he lay he could see his HP bar decrease a bit. “Keep your eyes on the enemy!” Amber told him as she helped him to his feet.
Dynamo grabbed his sword from its sheath on his belt and face the dogs. “That hurt! You’ll pay for that!” He ran forward at the dog that hit him, raising his sword and slashing at the animal’s body. The sword made contact, yet no blood was shed. Instead an HP bar appeared over its head, along with the number nine in red text. The majority of the bar was now red from his attack.
The dog attacked, this time with its teeth. It bit down on his left hand. Dynamo cried out in pain as a little more of his own HP bar decreased. He got made and slashed at the dog again. This time the number eleven appeared, flashing bright orange to indicate a critical hit. The gray dog faded from existence when its HP bar turned completely red.
Dynamo cheered victoriously, “Yeah, take that!”
“I could use a little help over here!” Dynamo turned to see his sister facing off against the remaining two dogs. One of them jumped forward but Amber easily sidestepped to evade the attack, stabbing it in the side with her dagger as the dog passed by. Her attacks did only half that damage of Dynamo’s. Both the dogs had a little bit of red on their HP bars.
“I’m coming!” Dynamo rushed forward as the black dog jumped at his sister while her back was turned. Since Amber had already dealt some damage to it a single attack from Dynamo was all it took to take it down.
They both turned to face the last dog, the one that Amber had just stabbed. They rushed forward yelling at the top of their lungs as they brought their weapons down on the animal at the same time. It let out an agonizing howl as its body disappeared.
The song that was playing changed to victory music as two windows appeared, one in front of Dynamo and the other in front of Amber. They both read, ‘Level Up!’ “Cool, we reached level two!” Amber cheered.
Dynamo touched the window to close it and a new one opened to replace it. This one showed his skill tree, along with a message that read, ‘You have earned five points for your skill tree.’ “I get it now,” Dynamo mused. “Every time I level up I get points that I can use to purchase stuff on my skill tree.”
Amber turned to her brother and said, “Dynamo, you talk to yourself too much. You know that, right?”
Dynamo scowled at his sister. “I can talk to myself if I want to!” He turned back to the window to see what skills he could get. He had concluded that the yellow box was something he started off with at level 1. The three boxes under it that had once been gray were now blue. They were as followed, daggers at 2 points, long swords at 5 points and clubs at 3 points. Dynamo didn’t like using daggers or clubs so he chose the one thought he would get the most use out of, long swords. He touched the box with his finger and it turned from blue to yellow as the point counter at the top of the window turned to zero. The other two boxes returned to being gray.
He closed the window and turned to his sister who had just finished choosing her skill as well. “So, what did you choose?” he asked.
Amber stuck out her tongue and said, “Not telling!”
Dynamo shrugged. “Whatever, let’s go fight some more monsters.” A thought occurred. “Wait, do you earn gold after fighting monsters in this game?”
Amber shook her head. “I read in a forum that you can only get remains from monsters in this game. If you want gold you have to do quests or sell the stuff you get from monsters.”
“Do the remains have any other use?” Dynamo asked.
“Some of the things you get from monsters are materials for crafting. You can find shops that take those materials and turn them into weapons, armor and other items. I think Epicom is starting on a patch that lets you do that yourself, but it’s a skill so you have to level it up a lot if you want to make anything good.”
“So, where are the remains?” Dynamo asked.
They looked around until they saw a brown treasure chest where the last stray tog had fallen. Amber pointed to it and shouted, “There it is!” They ran over to the chest and opened it. A flash of light came from inside the box as words in white text appeared over it. They read, ‘Dog pelt x3.’
“That’s it?” Dynamo asked, disappointed.
Amber gave him a look. “You were expecting more?”
The ground suddenly shook, knocking them both off their feet. “What the heck was that!?” Dynamo asked. They froze when they heard heavy footsteps behind them, followed by heavy breathing. They slowly turned their heads to look behind them, their hearts skipped a beat at the sight of an enormous black dragon standing right behind them. Dynamo’s PSD beeped as a window appeared in front of them. It read, ‘Ambush! Black Dragon Lv. 40.’
“What the heck is a monster that strong doing here!?” Amber shouted.
“Who cares!? Run!” Dynamo grabbed his sister’s arm and pulled her to her feet. The dragon roared as it chased after them. The ground shook violently each time its foot hit the ground.
Amber suddenly tripped, dragging her brother with her. They tried to get up but the dragon caught up to them. They stared up at the creature in horror as it loomed over them. Flames began to rise from its mouth as it reared its head back. Without thinking, Dynamo jumped in front of Amber, shielding her from the attack. He felt his body catch on fire. For a moment he felt searing pain, then everything went black and he felt nothing.
Dynamo has died.
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