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Young Writers Society


Neo and the year 2999 - chapter 1



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 6
Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:04 pm
SallySparrow says...



This is the first part of my new story, so dont think it is the whols story :) thank you and enjoy...

Imagine the Earth. A great mottled turquoise planet, whirling deep in the nothingness of space.
But now try and imagine that it is not 2008. Imagine that it is the year 2999, nine hunderd and ninety one years in the future. There are no cars, no televisions or any sort of electricity in the lives of the human race. Imagine that the 6 billion people currently on the planet has reduced to 6 thousand, scattered like leaves over the vast land masses. The North Pole no longer exists, and the South pole has no ice.
And now imagine that we are in England, with the mere two hundred people that live there, and try and think what sort of things they would do, how they would survive, and what new dangers they might have to face.
This is but one of my theories, one of my ideas of what it would be like. So listen and I shall tell you...



A frozen wind swept the Marsh. It howled like a hungry wolf, stripping the moss from its muddy home, rustling the stagnant water from its resting place. The land was flat here, no tree stood where its ancestors had once grown. It was almost like a graveyard, and the girl who stood with her arms huddlled to her chest was sure that is you dug deep enough, you would surely find the remain of some sort of 21st century settlment. Or perhaps even older. But she knew that walking of the pathway would lead to certain death. And a couple of bricks and old cans were not worth that.
Neo stepped away from the reeds, clutching her Kanika cloak cloaser to her skin. The wind subsided, having managed to chase her away and flew perhaps north to the higher reaches of Engeland, perhaps even past the border and into Scotsland.
The marsh fires led the way back to the dappled forest, where the century-old trees that used to be protected by the 21st centurian national trust grew. That was were half the population of Engeland lived- Shakita Wood.
  





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19 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 19
Mon Jan 21, 2008 8:28 pm
Soul of the Phantom says...



Good start so far.

I am not the best example for grammer and spelling, but I see nothing here right now to address.

Looking forward to more.
Lost Odyssey, Xbox 360:
Jansen: "What? We gotta cross the mountain? Your kidding there isn't even a road!"
Seth: "Your in trouble if you wear out this easily..."
Jansen: "WELL I DON'T WEAR OUT IN BED!"
  





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237 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1382
Reviews: 237
Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:06 pm
Teh Wozzinator says...



i don't see anything to edit grammar-wise...i liked your first paragraph, how you described it--acting as you are the author, not someone in the story writing it, but not to direct, and it fits into the story real well. the only problem i see is this...2999 is a really, really, really cliche number...so unless something really important happens in the year 3000 (which is altogether possible), maybe try making that something else.

the second paragraph was very good--you describe things quite well...

this is good, and it seems like something i would want to read, so PM me (private message, up in the top right hand corner, basically email on the site....) if you get chapter two out. and send me a link in the message, please.

Thanks, and as always, keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

The Woz
Go K-State for North Division!!
  








By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
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