I am DETERMINED to finish it by the middle of January, so any constructive criticism or praise would be greatly appreciated so I know where I'm going right or wrong, even if it's a one-liner Thanks so much, and enjoy 
1. Dani
I whined at the TV as an episode of Phineas and Pherb came on that I’d seen at least five times since finishing school the week before. Everyone finds the title sequence really charming, but it starts to grate after a while.
I muted the screen and leant over to pull my cell phone off the side table. I dialled Luke’s number and waited a very long time before he answered.
“Dani,” said a rough voice on the other end.
“Luke, are you in bed?”
He laughed, and coughed slightly. “It’s like, what, twelve?”
I looked down at my watch. 3:21 pm. “Yeah, close enough. Fun night then?”
"You have no idea." I could hear him smiling on the other side of the phone. “Dani, dude, I am begging you. Just get in your car and come. Five hours, max.”
“Wish I could,” I said wistfully.
“I really thought you were going to get over this,” he said. “It’s like a rite of passage, for God’s sake. Who doesn’t go on Rage?”
“Beth isn’t there,” I said defiantly.
“Beth’s parents would have an aneurism.”
“Yeah, I know,” I conceded. “Just tell me what it’s like? Is it amazing?”
“I’m not giving you the second-hand experience. Either you’re here or you aren’t,” he said. A few seconds later I heard a door slam. “Whoa, Jesus, sorry.”
“What was that?”
“Charlie,” he whispered, sounding slightly scarred, “and way too of Charlie’s friend from last night.”
I laughed, thinking about how many times I’d walked in on the same thing. “Well, I’m glad she’s having a good time.”
“Danielle, just forget about Seb for a week and come and be with us. Charlie's going to Rhodes next year, you’re never going to see her.” He said the last part unnecessarily slowly. “Seb is going to be living in the same building as you.”
“I know,” I said softly, feeling guilty for the hundredth time. “Luke, I want to be there. You know me; I wouldn’t turn down two weeks of partying if I didn’t have a good reason.”
Luke sighed. “How has he been lately?”
“You haven’t spoken to him?” I said, avoiding having to answer.
“Not since I left. He hasn’t been talking to any of us. I don’t understand what’s going on with him.”
“Yeah,” I said rigidly, “me neither.”
“Listen, I need to de-tox before I re-tox, if you know what I mean.” He laughed. “Talk later, okay?”
“Okay Lukey,” I said affectionately. “Carry on having an amazing time and I’ll speak to you soon. I hope you wake up in Charlie’s position tomorrow too.”
He chuckled. “I already did, but I can’t remember her name so I’m in no hurry to wake her up.”
“Luke Anderson!” I yelled, finding it hard not to smile. “You disgusting creature.”
“You are such a hyprocrite,” he teased back. “Walls aren’t as thick as you and Seb seem to think, my dear. Ask anyone.”
I blushed a ridiculous shade of scarlet. “Okay, bye Lukey, I love you very much. Even though you tell lies and you’re a man-whore.”
He laughed in a way that made me want to hug him. “You make very hot sex noises, just saying. Kay, bye.”
I gasped and clasped my hand over my mouth. He put down before I could shout at him some more, but I was blushing too hard for any sort of retort to be effective.
I really did regret not being with him and Charlie. Where I’m from, not going on Rage is pretty much the most ridiculous thing you can do. It’s a huge party that happens all along the coast of South Africa at the end of the year; a kind of “well done for surviving twelve years of hell, now go get trashed”. I had been looking forward to it since grade 8 when the grade 12s started their countdown to the end of school. Luke was right; it was a kind of rite of passage. I should have been there, especially since Charlie was going to be at university over a thousand kilometres away in February.
But like I’d told both of them, I had to stay in Johannesburg. That’s where Seb was, and I couldn’t go without him, not with things the way they were.
Mom came in with the mail and said that there was a letter for me. The mail system was very unfamiliar to me, so I figured it was probably garbage from the cell phone company. But when she brought it over to the couch I’d camped out on for the last week, I realised it wasn’t anything like that. She handed me a small white envelope, with my name and address hand-written on it. I thought the handwriting might have looked familiar, but I wasn’t sure. I put my phone in my shorts’ pocket and tore it open.
30 November 2011
My darling Danielle,
I found your address this morning. I’ve been staring at an empty page for almost three hours now. I should have known that this was where you’d be. You told me so often about that African adventure you had with your mum when you were younger. I didn’t forget. I couldn’t forget the smile on your face every time you remembered it. Your beautiful smile. God, I miss your smile...
You must know how sorry I am. I regretted every word I said the second you walked out that door. I wish you had given me a chance to apologise, but I understand that you needed to escape. I know I asked too much of you sometimes, wanted you too much. Believe me, I’ve had time to see that. I can’t control how deeply in love with you I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice anything to have you. London is empty without that smile and your hand in mine.
I was an arse, I know I was. I didn’t recognise myself. I complicated everything in my mind, got so obsessed with you and my writing. That first night alone in our bed, I realised what a complete twat I had been. But everything shifted in my head, and suddenly it was 2009 again and I was seeing you for the first time, half-drunk with my mates. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid my eyes on, and I was dead-sober somehow; I had to have you or I’d die. I still feel that way, my love. Still get butterflies every time I look at you, still get shivers when I kiss you.
Every night I stared at the ceiling and thanked the universe to have you sleeping beside me. But I stared at the ceiling that night and I couldn’t thank the universe for anything because you weren’t there. Without you I had nothing to be grateful for. I wish I’d known it before I said all that shit about your mum. God, Danielle, I am so sorry. Of course I didn’t mean it.
I thought about our first night in that bed too, while I lay awake. Having you, making love to you... I was the luckiest guy on the planet. You had the night in your hair, makeup under your eyes, and you were perfection in your little pink knickers. I fell in love with you in that instant, with you smiling down at me. I fell in love with you because you were my Daniella-Pops, and there was nothing you wouldn’t let me see inside of you. For the first time in my life, I wanted someone to see everything too, look into my heart, find every fault and love me regardless, the way I did with you. The way I always will with you.
I really hope you’re happy, wherever you are. But Danielle, my baby, I’m lost without you. Please forgive me.
Will
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