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Fakebook- Chapter 4



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Reviews: 17
Sun Dec 04, 2011 2:49 pm
GawravMehta says...



Welcome to the world of Fakebook Oops! I mean Facebook where you testify the equation ‘Stranger + click = Friend’ every single day. But did you ever gave a thought, what if a single click could turn your world upside down and lead to miraculous co-incidences? Find you answer in this humorous tale of six intriguing characters- Eiggy Piggy(the fun floss), Nihasa(wayward weirdo), Aarav(happy-go-lucky lad), Khushi(girl next door), Ina(the bizarre beauty), and Fonty(all brawn-no brain guy) resonating with the beat of teenage and social networking. Though, estranged, they have overlapping existence with each other. Discover the shell-shocking revelation of shuffling fake identities cocooned in the warmth of friendship and love. The unpredictable turn of events and myriad of uncertainties are sure to whet your appetite to unfold a different shade of each character. Experience the other side of facebook and fun on the way to decipher the off-the-beaten track climax. :smt002 :D
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Chapter 4


A phalanx of seniors hovered in the canteen like a swarm of flies since the entry of juniors was strictly prohibited, a rule imposed by autocrat Daivat Marandi, head boy of the school.

Tia laid her library books on the fixed marble table in a distant corner of canteen while both of them sat in a blue plastic chairs surrounding it, other tables were occupied by lovebirds and rest of the students were either busy loitering or playing table tennis in the other half of canteen.

“Wait! I’ll bring something for you,” Tia suggested.

“I’ll have sweet curd, junglee sandwich and coke.”

“Anything for you Aarav!” Tia saluted.

Aarav smiled in return.

After ten minutes, Tia walked over with orders in hands. She slid tray into the table across for him, and slid his frozen yogurt in front of him, along with transparent spoon. She placed in front of him sandwich friend and coke and set it down on napkin, he had folded into a square. He dug in, taking a giant bite. She smiled when he got it on his nose. She picked up napkin, and leaned across the table, not caring that her shirt was dropping leaving her chest exposed, and she wiped off.

“That’s so sweet of you Tia,” Aarav smiled.

She repeated her patent dialogue, “anything for you Aarav.”

Tia took out cell phone from skimpy skirt and instantly logged into facebook. Thanks to 3G servies!.

"Aarav, look you didn't comment on my Facebook status like everyone else in the school." said Tia instantly showing her status displaying, 'Yipee! Went for a shopping spree... Super like Dior goggle and DKNY apparels and Zara shoes' garnering 22 Likes and 30 comments like any other hot chicks comment.

He smiled to make up for his carelessness, wondering when was the last time he got so many likes.

"Oh! I'm sorry Shorty!" he continued "Forget that, how's you're modeling preparation going on?" said Aarav distracting Tia.

"They are going well. The agency told that they see the next supermodel in me...By the way, what about your girlfriends? How many do you have?" said Tia, turning a strand of hair flirtatiously.

"I don't have any. I'm sure my dream girl is waiting for my grand entry."

"Who's that dream girl? You must be knowing who is she?" Tia asked slurping her diet coke.

"Pair is made in heaven." Aarav leaned down across the table and whispered in her ear "I'm sure there's someone somewhere made exclusively for me."

"What if she is close to you and you don't know." Tia leaned forward rolling her eyes.

“Look at me! I’m so close to you,” she said, resting her hands on his forearm.

“You? No way!” Aarav shook his head and his curly hairs fell into his eyes. Instinctively, Tia reached to brush it back, and he grabbed her fingers, blowing a cool stream of air against her palms. “Don’t touch my hair!”

“Khushi has been close to me or a long time. Does that mean she’s the one?” Aarav counter questioned.

“Might be… God only knows but personally I don’t think Khushi is your kind of girl. She’s simply so boring,” she paused “I don’t understand how you tolerate her.”

“Oh! Really you think so…” Khushi poked into the conversation startling Tia. Her first thought on seeing Tia with Aarav was irritation.

Khushi appeared from nowhere in the canteen after she made frantic searches for Aarav in every nook and cranny of the school. She stomped angrily towards them.

“So Aarav, here you are…” he paused “if you care to remember, you were supposed to meet your best friend but you seem to have good time with Tia,” blurted Khushi angrily. She was brimming with anger just like bubbles fizzing out of Tia’s diet coke.

“We are just talking, we do have a right to talk,” protested Tia.

“Shit! I am so sorry Khushi. Actually…” Aarav stammered to give the prefect excuse.

“You promised me to come and now you’re giving lame excuses. You don’t seem to have much propriety for your best friends,” Khushi stood with her arms akimbo puking sarcasm on Aarav. She had a huge eyes accentuated by wide lines of mascara. Right then, they were bulging at him. She wore a funny sideways grin she always got when she was really upset with Aarav.

“I’m his friend too,” Tia chimed in impatiently as if she was guilty in charge. She was like a bad itch, you can bear her but impossible to avoid her. She was the most annoying girl that had ever graced this earth, She was kind of friend who you are sort of forced to be friends with. She was always competing against Khushi in the class. It wasn’t her fault that Khushi was smarter than she was. But, now she was trying to compete for Aarav’s friendship.

Khushi said pulling a face. She seriously considered giving her a swift kick, and kick out place but she restrained herself. “C’mon Tia, everyone in school knows you could organize a marathon with your long list of boyfriends. So don’t insult Aarav, calling him your friend. You’re a fucking hoe” her stomach flipped. It was the first time she said ‘fucking’ in front of anyone and she liked the way it sounded. She had heard her brother use curse word but she’d never dared use herself in front of others.

Aarav was shocked to listen f-word from Khushi’s tongue.

Only Khushi knew the truth that she’d practiced in her rooms, lots of time, try out different candences and intonations: fuck, fuckshit,fuckbrick, fucknut, fuckardo, Go fuck a duck! The plan was never to utter in public.

Aarav could sense the initiation of a cat-fight while Tia was still shocked at the offending statement.

“Tia, you had to return these books to the library, remember?” said Aarav handing her the books and saving the situation.

“Yeah! I think I should leave you guys alone; Meet you some other day Aarav and don’t forget to message me on fb,” Tia said disguising a tone of warning.

Khushi was her biggest opponent; her greatest competitor for winning Aarav’s hear. However, if she’d said anything against Khushi then her dream of becoming Aarav’s girlfriend would be ruined. She left the canteen quietly, her face flushed with anger and plotting for revenge in her mind.

Khushi occupied Tia’s chair instantly questioning Aarav. “Why were you punished? And since when you became interested in Tia?” Khushi interrogated. “Why are you looking so pale?” she asked eyes open wide.

“Okay! For the starters, I was caught using a cell phone in Bhatta’s class. For the main course, I collided with Tia and ended up bearing her in canteen and for dessert, someone crooked me.”

“You deserve to be punished for using cell phone in Lady Hitler’s class. But, who on earth fooled you?” Khushi expression changed from funny to serious.

“Has anyone every played with your emotions, Khushi?”

“What?” Khushi exclaimed.

“Has anyone ever played with your emotion?

“What do you mean?” Aarav’s stranger words puzzled her.

Question seemed to startle her. Those words touched her heart, like touching a soft feather, so soft and sweet oh and light. She smiled the goofiest smile ever out and asked in bewilderment. “Why are you asking such silly questions?

“Come to the garden and I’ll explain.”

Aarav gripped Khushi’s hands and guided her with grace towards the garden past a sea of people. He had never touched her before like that. She felt a wooziness in her stomach since the B-major chord of her heart was plucked for the first time. She was still confused by the significance of the question Aarav threw at her about being cheated and played. She was usually the one with questions. Aarav hardly ever asked questions. Her thoughts carried away from herself.

“Here goes our desi Bella and Edward Cullen,” commented Daivat, the so called head boy of the school with a bloated head which stood distinct in his D-company. His head was comparatively bigger then the rest of his body where all the evil schemes manufactured for detriment of poor souls in school. The comment hurled at Aarav infuriated him inceptioizing a brawl between Daivat and him.

“Wait a minute, Khushi, I got to clutter the feather of head boy,” Aarav said fighting to restrain the tide of anger sweeping through him.

Aarav raged towards the gang in quick steps while Khushi deliberately tried to stop him.

“Who gave that comment?” Aarav asked exasperated at Daivat’s undeniable authority.

“Figure it out yourself,” Daivat quipped while his sidekicks giggled at Aarav.

“This is too much, Pumpkinhead. Don’t let yourself and you dime-a-dozen sidekicks meddle in my matters, else you’re gonna pay for this,” Aarav said clenching his fist with anger.

“How dare you talk to me like this,” Daivat said landing his hand on Aarav’s chest pushing him backwards. “I dare you to mess with the head boy.” The devil in Daivat was raised to wreck havoc and mayhem.

“Stop this fake show of your male dominance,” Aarav shouted trying to maintain his balance. “This is too much. You’re going to pay for this.” His voice dead calm.

“What can you do?” Daivat pushed him again and Aarav toppled backwards near Khushi’s legs.

“Oh my gosh!” Khushi instantly stepped forward grabbing Aarav by his arm.

Aarav curled his trembling fingers into tight fist. He could do this. He would. Daivat was so close. He decided to bottle his anger. Otherwise, his power of head boy would make his life a living hell.

“Let’s go Aarav! There’s no need to talk to those shitty heads,” she pulled Aarav back to stability with extreme caution which was her characteristic trait.

“Every dog has his day; I will see you some other day, Daivat.” Aarav murmured to himself and left Davit’s clan.

Aarav and Khushi stepped out of the corridor towards the garden. There were trees all round the campus; they walked along the stone path. Soundlessly, she walked behind him. It was a hot, sultry day with no clouds in the sight radar. They headed towards a small fountain with birds perching on the statue of founder of the school. They walked along a stone path to find a small bench beneath the shade of a tree. The view was mesmerizing with the fountain, the birds, the glaring sun and cool breeze blowing.

“Have a seat Aarav,” Khushi said tenderly pointing at the wooden bench painted in green.

“Ladies first please!” Aarav said, as if nothing happened a few minutes ago.

Khushi adjusted herself comfortably on the bench managing to look at her tattered skirt. She adjusted her skirt carefully to hold Aarav’s view from it. She could tell Aarav was upset. On the outside, he looked fine, but in his eyes the glint of eyes was gone.

Placing both palms on lap, Khushi asked nervously looking at him, “What you meant with emotions, fooled and stuff? You confused me? Couldn’t you be more precise?”

“Oh! What I said in canteen,” unsure if her wanted to go further, “Yeah, you didn’t answer my question,” he continued, “has anyone every played with your emotion?’ said Aarav taking Khushi’s left hand and rubbing them softly.

A pigeon settled on the fountain statue with flutter of wings.

Khushi didn’t know what to say. He had never before held her hands that way. A pang of emotion burst through her while she tried to understand the significance of the question.

“Why are you talking like this today? Did I do something wrong?” she said pulling away her hands, looking him dead in the eyes.

“No, no, dumb, not at all” he paused, “Actually…” Aarav stuttered.

“Why are you playing mind games? Are you scared of revealing the truth?” Khushi provoked him.

Aarav groped his pant pockets and revealed his sleek Blackberry.

“Read all the message then you’ll understand the entire story,” Aarav said handling the phone to Khushi.

“I can’t read your personal messages. If this is the origin of your problems, you better tell me yourself.”

“You’re my best friend. There’s nothing personal between us.” Aarav said giving a brief peck on her checks.

She couldn’t help but blush at the nine years of camaraderie shared between them.

INBOX MESSAGE READ:

Tanya: Helo Aarav.. Is dis ur number? Tanya here…

Tanya: Gud! U saved my nmbr.. It was nice talkin 2 u in facebook.. r u o9 now?

Tanya: I miss u... r u goin 2 b o9 in da evening ?..

Tanya: Shit u don’t care abt ur frndz..

Tanya: That’s why I am sayin u sud cum o9..

Tanya: Not u! Go n take a luk in da mirror n u’ll see a chimpanzee der.. He is my bf. ..Is der any problem?..


Khushi's interest was peeked. It surprised her to see a girl's message in Aarav's phone. He hadn't told her that he had a girlfriend. She knew everything, whether it was good or bad, that happened to him. This was first time something unknown to her. She continued reading.

Tanya: Of course! I consider u 2 b my bf ediot... Luv uuuuuuu and Miss youuuuu…A lottttttt… TC.

“You never told me about this girlfriend of yours. This ain’t fair,” she paused, “I tell you everything Aarav.”

“Its nothing like that Khushi, you are getting me wrong,”

“I can understand the message well,” she twisted her mouth. “Tell me when did she became your girlfriend.”

“She is not my girlfriend,” he protested instantly.

“O’really?”

“Khushi, have I ever lied to you? Read the message before concluding anything.”

“I don’t wanna read the private message you sent Tanya,” Khushi turned her face away violently.

“You know? My best friend would have never denied me,” Aarav played on emotional game, instilled on every guy on Earth.

“I’m your best friend,” Khushi snatched the phone from Aarav looking at the ‘Sent items’

Sent Item:

Aarav: Hi Tanya! What a pleasant surprise. This is purely my number. Feed me in your contacts.

Aarav: No, I have work to complete. I can’t come online now. Sorry!

Aarav: Really sorry! I have a test tomorrow and I need to study.

Aarav: Don’t you have BF? Tell him to come online in case you are getting bored.

Aarav: Me? Your boyfriend? LOL

Aarav: No problem, But I can always see myself in the mirror... I am the one? :O

Aarav: Love you too, take care Sweetheart


Khushi was bubbling inside. She wanted to kill Tanya whoever she was. Khushi rapidly fired questions at Aarav.

“Aarav, what’s this? You said Tanya wasn’t your girlfriend.” Her anger flamed at him. “It says, love you too?”

“Shut up Khushi! Read the message in my secret folder,”

“But… Aarav…”

“Forget everything and open the folder,” Aarav instructed, “you must know the reality.”

The message prompt ‘ENTER PASSWORD’ appeared on the screen of secret folder.

“What’s your password?” Khushi said frustrated.

“It’s Khushi, typed Khushi there,”

This astonished Khushi. Please made password that they most to forget. It was the second time her B-major chord has been struck that day. Angst of excitement rushed through her as he read the message.

Tanya: Man you are such a jerk! Really nobody compares you looser.

Aarav: What happened Tanya? Why are you talking like this?

Aarav: What happened? I can’t understand anything. Please tell me…

Tanya: Bhen**** male here… You are true personification of chutiya.

Aarav: Male? I thought you were female. How can you fool somebody like that, dude?

Tanya: This is my fake profile on fb; you send me the friend request. You told me to add you.. You asked me my number..



Khushi began laughing her heart out after the story was clear to her. Sometimes you best friends can be your worst enemy and Khushi was doing exactly the same by allowing herself the liberty to manifest Aarav as an idiot.

“Khushi stop laughing,” Aarav warned.

“Sorry Aarav it was something…” She looked into Aarav’s eyes which were pretending to be serious losing its identity of mischief.

“So it’s a definite case of mistaken gender,” retorted Khushi unable to control her laugh.

Both broke into loud guffaws of laugher until a distant train passed across the other side of school boundary wall.

“That’s why you were upset. Tell me exactly how Tanya dropped into the scene?”

“I found Tanya in one of my friend’s profile. We had a good chat. I thought she was interested in me, so I asked her number and the reply was affirmative, and the rest unfolds before you,” Aarav took a deep breath after his running commentary.

“Wow!” Khushi exclaimed. “It’s amazing how you guys conclude a girl in interested, just in few hours,” she continued, “Instead of messaging why didn’t you just call her?” Khushi suggested.

“She could have called me too. It would have been disgraceful and against my dignity to call her first,” defended Aarav.

Khushi chuckled, covering her mouth, “she was fake, moron. Why would she call? I guess you deserve getting paid for being such a fuckardo,” she giggled.

“You’re right,” he hesitated, “But, I know who did this to me and instead of being played, I am gonna play back,” Aarav said in threatening tone.

“You know them?” Khushi asked surprised pointing towards the cell phone, “Who are they?”

“I’ll take revenge on them. They deserve their nemesis,” Aarav swore upon himself.

“If you take revenge on them; what is the difference between you and them,” she said preaching like a saint. “It’s the forgiveness that keeps you up. It’s like the sweet scent that flower gives when its crushed and I know you are my sweet flower.”

“Whatever, I know my next course of action,” Aarav grunted tenaciously.

“Nobody knows you better then me. Promise you won’t hurt me by taking revenge,” Khushi said in a typical television bahu style.

He looked like; he was ready to explode, “I will…”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

The jangling of the bell jarred the silence, and they walked to their respective classes. Khushi never received her promise.

Folks, hope you enjoyed reading so far. Just hang on to story, it's about to pick up. Forgive me! If I've bored you so far.

To be continued.. Stay tuned! :D
Last edited by GawravMehta on Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Spoiler! :
Donate couple of points to fellow depressed writer 'cause those who donate me. Motivate me!




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11 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 1690
Reviews: 11
Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:19 am
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Roach says...



GawravMehta -

Nice to meet you. I saw your chapter here had no reviews and I thought I would pitch in with one, especially because I have read the first chapter and a portion of the second, as well. Now, I am not going to say that I hope you don't take my critique to heart, because I hope you do . . .

The first issue goes back to what I mentioned above: that I read the first chapter and a portion of the second. That either tells you that I am very ADHD and cannot pay attention or your plot is as much of a wayward son as Kansas sang about. If you have not realized by now - it's the second option. I understand what you are trying to do; Facebook, Fakebook, etcetera, because teens lives really are technologically centered nowadays. I applaud you for the idea - that isn't what's wrong. What's wrong, m'dear, is the fact that you have this very pretty box of new Lego's (the idea) and no structure built (the plot). However, I have to commend you, because this chapter was a bit better and more thought-out than the other two portions of your story that I have read. It's still very, very lost.

I don't know if you have heard of the books LOL and TTYL, which are being adapted for the big screen, but they *kind of* focus on the same shmeal. There is a lot to do with technology and we see a lot of texts, but what the writer does right in those is add plot - lots and lots of it. It is a pretty popular book amongst young tweens - eleven, twelve, etcetera. I can't even see the long-term plot flowing in your stories. Heck, there's barely a plot in each chapter; a lot of what I have read is jumping around. Your story, at the moment, is like a train running off its tracks. Here's what I think you should do: take a break posting the chapters, even writing the novel. Just open up a blank document, jump around if you have to, go crazy with caffeine, but just write down an outline - a basic plot. A great system a lot of published authors use is one you can find on this writer's website. Read the first live chat; it's very helpful and she talks about how she develops her plot, using things like: turning point one, turning point two, etcetera. Read it. It'll be good for you.

The next issue I saw is a bucketload of figurines - um, that is, characters. At this stage, I am not sure if it's even apt to call them characters, with them being so terribly cardboard right now. For instance, I don't want to know what your characters are like from reading your summary at the top. I should be able to know what they are like just by seeing their interactions and descriptions. What I actually see in the story is something totally different from your description. Aarav, the happy-go-lucky-guy? Oh, honey. He's punching someone. Not too happy there, eh? The other problem is your character development: it's basically non-existent. Work on it. When a song comes on the radio, think of whether or not your character would turn the radio up or down or completely off. Just . . . make them real. On that aspect, also, their names are somewhat hard to read in the text due to the fact that they aren't very common (um, at all) from where I'm from and the names being so out there interrupted the flow of the story for me.

On to the texts you show us. Now, I actually am a teenager and I do have a Facebook and, yes, my friends make fake profiles and it's quite a good deal of fun at times. Except - the way you describe Facebook and their interactions seem totally out of proportion to me. I have absolutely no friends who would come out and whine about someone not liking their status. It's like the classic loser line. Also, no one types like that, and by *that* I mean the extreme chat-speak you use. Like: 0mg he IZZz such… etcetera. Ouch, that was painful to type. Ew! So you're a little far-fetched there. I get it; you're trying to show how technologically-focused they are and almost fake, but no one talks like that. And when they do, pretty much everyone calls them out on it, asking what happened to their English and yes-please-could-we-help-them-get-it-back.

Your descriptions aren't too great, either. What I would love to see is more showing instead of telling. This goes back to character development as well. Show that he's nice, she's mean, etcetera, don't just tell us at the beginning of your story. When you are talking about technology and people on their phones, talk about how the cafeteria was buzzing as everyone pulled out their phones and the freak in the corner took YouTube videos of her eating again. I don't know! It's not my story. But please, for the sake of everyone that reads your story, describe more.

Also, a lot happened in this chapter, but what is sad is that it did nothing for you or your plot. Like, at all. I could talk and talk for quite some time about other things I see wrong with this chapter, like simple typos and spelling mistakes and such that you should always try and correct before you show your reader your story. Write more. Fix what you have.

- roach
"There was John and Jane and Betsy
eating bugs and drinking Pepsi,
dancing jigs up on the fiddle,
up the sides and down the middle."
- Erland & The Carnival

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Points: 1636
Reviews: 30
Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:59 am
Flyingchaos says...



I don't have any. I'm sure my dream girl is waiting for my grand entry."

"Who's that dream girl? You must be knowing who is she?" Tia asked slurping her diet coke.

"Pair is made in heaven." Aarav leaned down across the table and whispered in her ear "I'm sure there's someone somewhere made exclusively for me."

"What if she is close to you and you don't know." Tia leaned forward rolling her eyes.

“Look at me! I’m so close to you,” she said, resting her hands on his forearm.

“You? No way!” Aarav shook his head and his curly hairs fell into his eyes. Instinctively, Tia reached to brush it back, and he grabbed her fingers, blowing a cool stream of air against her palms. “Don’t touch my hair!”



I like Aarav... And I LOVE this chapter go K!

- Good chapter a few spelling mistakes but nothing big... I like the way you present ~your characters and their actions!
You mange to stay obejctive and still be very subjectiv :D

- So keep writting desu~




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14 Reviews


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Points: 979
Reviews: 14
Tue Dec 06, 2011 4:44 pm
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greg925 says...



Wow, where to begin. Well, it certainly is getting interesting. The love triangle is definately there like I had predicted. But, it was...well, long. Not that there is anything wrong with that. There was just way too much to follow. I might have to re-read this a couple of times in order to fit the pieces together.

Another thing I noticed is a lot of new characters being thrown in almost at random. Makes the story more realistic, but for a novel, it really makes it confusing for some readers. Don't consider this as my official review, like I said, I'll probably have to read it again in order to give a more officiant review. It's getting better though.







Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
— C. Northcote Parkinson