Young Writers Society

*Audrey’s First Person Point of View*

“Stay put.”

I suppose Jasper thought we’d wonder like unsupervised pups had he not given the order. Although I don’t think his worry was centered on me, but at Peyton. He had every right to, not that it made a lick of difference, because as soon as he passed through the office door to get our class schedules Peyton stood — I heard the skin of her thighs peel away from the rubber cushioned bench. She dusted and straightened her frilly pink skirt while also adjusting her jean jacket. Across from us, hung a sparkly gold framed mirror that Peyton used to fix the volume of her hair and the slant of her bangs. Then she gave a quick smile to herself before facing me.

“Let’s set some quick rules, shall we?” Peyton put a hand on the hip she had protruding outward. “During our stay here you will not be known as the older sister, but as the younger and I the eldest. I don’t want people thinking you put me in the shade. Second, you will stay out of my way at all times of the day. Don’t even let me catch you staring. That’s it, do you got it?” By me not knowing what say, just silently looking up and awaiting any further rules she may have forgot to mention, made Peyton’s face grow dark red. Driving her flat palm to my chest, making me slam against the brick wall behind, she charged. Then there was a biting tingle on both my cheeks. As I open the eyes I didn’t realize I closed, tears began streaming down my face.

She’d pinched me.

Peyton fingers loosened after a moment. Eventually they fell slack against her sides and she got off me and left.

*Ten minute time skip*

“Your sisters getting acquainted with the rest of the student body in the cafeteria. Would you like to join her?”

I continued to sit, transfixed by a dust bunny on the crimson carpet. I didn’t even know Jasper had left until he returned with a scalding bowl of oatmeal and blueberries. He handed me a folded towel first to place over my lap, and then set the bowl on it. “Don’t forget to say your prayers,” he said lastly before bowing and leaving a silver cart at my side. I didn’t reach for the orange juice resting on top of the cart until I did as he advised.

I guess he already knew I wouldn’t want to join my sister, for he had questioned no further.

The oatmeal was bland, but the blueberries significantly made of for that with their quenching juices. I’d just finished my breakfast when an angry man and a pouty cheeked boy, eyes hidden behind his hair, came stomping down the hall. Through the glass raised at my lips their bodies were horribly disfigured. The man had entered the office and the boy sat beside me by time I put my glass down. His stomach growled, although he didn’t seem to notice or care.

It’s rude, but the great thing about staring at a person lost in thought is that they don’t know you’re doing it. Well, apparently that wasn't the case for me, unfortunately. And even though his neck snapped in my direction, with a glare more deadly than Peyton’s, I found that I couldn’t look away. His eyes were like liquid honey, reflecting in the sun’s glimmer, reminding me of the way a lava lamp moves. The boy’s hair, black like Satan’s soul, fell right below his ears. He sat slouched, legs open, arms folded, and eyes elevating. My face might have turned red had it not been for the evil vibe lingering on him.

Finally, he opened his mouth. Only just as he did his stomach spoke up once again, and sounding more insistent than last time. The boy grunted, closing his eyes and turning his head from me to resume his pout.

I reached for the granola bar still packaged on the cart, “do you want—”

“No,”

I pulled a “Peyton look”: furrowing my brows and narrowing my eyes. “You don’t even know what I—”

“I don’t want your damn food.” He snapped, scooting further away from me.

“But you’re hungry.” I offered the bar to him anyway.

He didn’t make an attempt to take it, or even acknowledge my donation “That’s my personal problem.”

“QUIET IT OUT THERE!”

I squeaked at the sound of a raspy woman’s voice as she pounded from behind the window above us. The guy smirked.

“Chester Merchant,” the old women I’d thought of appeared at the door.
“Merchant?” I raised an eyebrow. I’ve never heard a last name so odd.

The guy, Chester, gave a boyish grin that slowly spread over his lips. “It means Good Man at Heart.”

And I could tell. That smile completely transformed his features. My heart tightly clenched in my chest as the door slammed closed with him behind it. I have never felt like this before, but I knew what was happening. I was falling for him. Fast.

*Chester’s Third Person Point of View*

But it seems he was no better.


Audrey is the name of the MC if I hadn't mentioned that in the story. This chapter, even though I like it, it seems awkward. I'm posting this to see what you think. Happy Halloween!I don't know about you, but I'm going Tricker Treating. So if you're not going review, losers D:< No, I'm just playing, you all are amazing. Have a fun(: and be safe please<3

you have a very advanced style of writing! i love it! it seems like it will be a really cute story however, i think the plot could be established or embellished a little better throughout it. The setting is a bit unclear as well, so you might want to follow up on that. keep up the good work!

Okay...umm....I am still COMPLETLEY lost.
I know I probably sound like a broken record but you keep jumping from one setting and scene of the story to, it seems like, almost a comletley different story!

I dont know where they are, why they're there, or how they got there. Your story has HUGE holes in its plot that really need to get fixed.

I still dont understand whats happeneing with Payton, she seems so harsh and the main character (still dont know her name) recently described her as a good sister.

And who is Jasper?

Im just so confused.