Spoiler! :
I still felt awful about the whole Brandon thing at work the next day. It didn’t help that I kept catching Lance giving me strange looks. When I’d questioned him about it, he’d said that Brandon had told him about me turning him down. That had made me feel worse, knowing that he’d told his friends. The last thing I wanted was word getting around College that I was a callous bitch who’d lead Brandon on before ripping the carpet from beneath his feet. Because that so wasn’t true. I’d given him hints but, like Aiden had pointed out to me, they obviously didn’t work.
That got me thinking about Sonny, too. In my head, I’d been giving him loads of signals that I liked him. The smiles. The hair cut. The violet t-shirt. In reality though, I was probably no nearer to letting him know that I liked him than Cassie was to getting a date with Mike. It turns out she’d just stared wordlessly at him while I’d given Brandon the bad news. So we were both in the same boat. Single and no closer to getting the guy than we were the day before. There was good news though; Cassie promised never to wear the push up bra again. She even said we could burn it.
“Harriet!”
I peered up from where I’d been cleaning tables to see Leanne waving me over to the staff door. I picked up the spray bottle and made my way over to her, the chatter and laughter of the customers just background noise in my ears. I felt depressed.
“What?” I asked, setting my cleaning stuff down on the counter before following Leanne into the staff room. She had a burnt orange skirt on today and the colour reminded me of my French text book. My stomach lurched as Brandon’s face flashed in my mind.
“He did it.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Who did what?”
She patted the seat next to her and I slumped down into it.
“Sonny got the editor of LZ magazine to agree to come to our gig next Thursday!” She clapped her hands in excitement. “It’s so awesome!”
I managed a smile. “That’s great.”
“I know,” she replied, her face bright. “Oh, and Sonny said to give you this.” My attention spiked at the mention of Sonny giving me something just as Leanne leaned across to give me a giant hug. “Though he said he’d give you a hug himself when he sees you next.”
My smile grew and I tried not to sound as excited as I felt. “Oh, cool.”
“Yeah, he’s well pleased that you had the idea to contact them. He reckons it could be our big break, being in a national music magazine. You know, next stop record company scouts at our gigs and then before we know it, we’ll be famous.” She sighed and her eyes grew wider as she started daydreaming about The Dead Atlantic going global.
“Is that all you wanted?” I asked. The thought of Sonny giving me a hug had cheered me up for a bit, but the underlying guilt that I felt was still there. I just needed someone to tell me that I’d done the right thing.
“Oh, yeah. You can go if you want.”
I nodded and got up. I was halfway to the door when I paused. “Leanne?”
She looked up from her phone.
“I told Brandon that I wasn’t interested yesterday and it made me feel horrible. Like I was the worst person in the world.”
Leanne dropped her phone into her lap and beckoned me back to her. I moved slowly and when I was near enough, she pulled me back in for another hug.
“Sometimes life sucks,” she said into my ear. “But it’s not your fault. You did the right thing by him.”
I smiled meekly. “Thanks.”
“I mean it,” she said as she let go of me and took hold of my hand. “If you dare blame yourself or mope around feeling guilty, then I’ll shave your eyebrows off when you’re asleep.”
I laughed. “You still haven’t got a hang of this being sentimental and loving thing yet, have you?”
She shook her head. “Nope. But there’s still time.”
I left the room feeling a whole lot happier. What Leanne had said did make sense and I spent the rest of my shift trying to think about happier things. Like the hug Sonny owed me.
***
I knew it was Cassie at the door. She always rang the bell four times before knocking twice. I’d never thought to ask her why she did it, but then again, I never asked Cassie half the things that bothered me about her. Like why she always insisted on doing the things that I told her not to. Or why she insisted on being so darn stubborn all the time.
“I’m not stubborn. I’m strong willed,” she corrected as she followed me into the kitchen.
We were the only ones home at the moment. As it was Sunday, Mum and Dad had gone out to visit my nan, and Leanne had gone in her car to pick the band up. She’d left me on sandwich duty, and Cassie had arrived just in time to help.
“Okay,” I replied. “I was only asking.”
Cassie snorted. “You sound like my mum. She always says, ‘I was only asking,’ but really she’s just being nosy.”
“I was curious,” I said, crossing to the fridge to get out the cheese and the butter. “I wasn’t trying to sound mean.”
“I know,” she replied, settling on a chair. “Besides, you love me for being strong willed, right?”
I pressed my lips into a thin line as I cut the cheese. “Uh, huh.”
“Knew it. You can’t resist my feisty ways.”
That made me laugh. “Are you going to help me or not?”
Cassie shook her head. “My strong willed-ness doesn’t want me to get my new manicure dirty.” She waggled her bright pink nails at me. “Sorry.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. The least you can do is get me some plates.”
“No.”
“Cass!”
“I was joking,” she said, though the way she’d said it made it clear that she hadn’t been.
I watched as she sauntered over to the cupboard. One thing that never surprised me about Cassie was the way that she was always dressed as if she was waiting to be asked out on a date at any moment. In other words, you’d never see her in a pair of jogging bottoms and a hoody. Casual clothing to Cassie was a pair of jeans and a jumper; usually one brand or another. Today I was wearing my favourite dark blue hoody with jeans, while Cassie was dressed to the nines as usual. A pair of grey leggings and a long knitted jumper. Pale blue, like the bow in her hair. I thought over what I was going to say for a moment, waiting for her to return with the plates. Something she’d said the other day had been plaguing my mind non-stop and I needed to ask her about it. Only trouble was, I didn’t want her going off on one of her tangents. She set the plates on the counter in front of me with a smile that said ‘happy now?’ before sitting back in her seat.
I took a deep breath. “What did you mean the other day?” I asked, looking back up from where I’d finished buttering the bread to fix Cassie with a stare.
She frowned. “When? You have to be more pacific.”
“Specific,” I corrected. “And on Friday, when the three of us were sitting on the slope, watching the guys train.”
Cassie tapped her acrylic nails along the breakfast bar, filling my ears with the sound of plastic on wood. “Me, you and him?”
I nodded. “You said something about.” I paused and prayed I wouldn’t blush at repeating the next part. “Something about me and Aiden making out.”
“I don’t remember.”
I starting placing the cheese on the bread, keeping one eye on Cassie. “You don’t remember?”
She shook her head, wafting her perfume my way. “Nope.”
“Sure?” I asked. “Only, you said something about how Aiden and I should snog because we were flirting and I wanted to know what I was doing to look flirty.”
Cassie clicked her fingers at me suddenly and I looked up properly to see her eyes wide with recognition. “Oh yeah. I remember now.” She grinned and the sight made my spine tingle. “You were stroking his cheek. It looked well intimate. I was waiting for him to pin you to the ground and snog your face off.”
I could definitely feel my cheeks blushing now. “Cass. I wasn’t stroking his face. He had an eyelash on his cheek.”
“Is there a difference?” Cassie had her eyebrows raised. “Because to someone who wasn’t listening to what was being said, you sure as hell looked like a cutesy couple.”
I stopped preparing lunch and bit my lip. Truth was, what Cassie had said the other day had been playing on my mind non-stop. I think that’s why I was feeling even more down about the Brandon situation. Not only did I feel mean, but I was confused too. Aiden’s words had been stuck to my brain with super glue and I couldn’t help thinking that maybe I was guilty of not sticking to his advice on more than one occasion. Sure, I’d spelt out reality to Brandon loud and clear, but what if I was flirting with Aiden without knowing? The last thing I wanted was to have to turn him down like I’d done to Brandon, all because I couldn’t keep a lid on my behaviour. Problem was, I didn’t know I knew how to flirt. I mean, that’s what Cassie was for when it came to the plan to bag Sonny. She was the queen of boy knowledge.
“Harriet?” Cassie was waving a piece of cheese under my nose and I recoiled at the smell. “Good, you’re alive. For a minute there I thought I’d lost you to the brain dead.”
“I was thinking,” I replied. “How do you know when you’re flirting?”
Cassie dropped the piece of cheese back onto the chopping board and rubbed her hands along her leggings, leaving a trail of grease along the seams. “What sort of a question is that?”
I shrugged. “I’m just confused. I mean, it’s not like I play with my hair or smile all the time when I’m with him, like you tell me to do when I’m around Sonny. In my eyes, Aiden and I get on great. He’s a fun guy and he makes me laugh.” I sighed and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. “I’m just being friendly. Is that so wrong?”
I stared down at the half made sandwiches. The house was silent, save for the ticking of the clock and the sound of a car outside. My head was spinning, trying to work out whether I was in the wrong or not.
“It’s only a bit of innocent flirting,” Cassie said with a smile. “It’s harmless.”
I ran my finger up and down the counter, trying to transfer some of my bad mood to the wood. “But what if it’s not harmless?”
Cassie sighed. “Really, Harriet. Don’t get so wound up about it. You take things so seriously all the time. Just lighten up, okay?”
“Oh, says the girl who doesn’t know when to be serious at all,” I snapped but I immediately regretted it. I daren’t look at Cassie’s face. In my head I saw flaring nostrils and gritted teeth.
“You know what?”
Cassie’s voice frightened me into looking up; she didn’t sound angry at all. I shook my head.
“If what I said really bothered you, then I take it back.” She was watching me with a somber expression. “I don’t want you thinking that you’re a bad person, H. It was only meant as a joke. Besides, Aiden’s a smart guy. He knows you’re being no more friendly towards him then you are around anyone else.”
I smiled at the feeling of a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Saying that she took back what she’d said made it like she’d never said it at all. “Thanks, Cass. I don’t mean to sound all depressed. It’s just that I’m starting to doubt whether this love thing is worth it. Carter upped sticks and moved away. Brandon made a face like a wounded puppy when I told him the truth. I don’t want to lose Aiden as a friend.” I paused, not sure whether I wanted to admit my final point out loud. “And I sure as hell don’t know whether Sonny even likes me anymore.”
The sound of Cassie’s chair scraping back across the kitchen tiles timed with the sound of the front door opening, perfectly.
“Oh come here you big spanner.” Cassie’s hug was warm and comforting. I squeezed her back, trying to enjoy the feel of reassurance, while looking over to see who would walk through the door. My stomach dropped to my feet when
I spotted Sonny. He waved before stuffing his hands back into the back pockets of his jeans.
“Am I interrupting something?”
I felt Cassie jump at Sonny’s words and we broke apart so that she could turn around to face him.
“Hi Sonny,” she said, her voice bright and welcoming. “We were just having a girly moment.”
Sonny nodded at her words, and I reckoned he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do next. Join in? My body wanted to feel him hugging me so badly, but I knew I wasn’t being realistic. It was lunch time and we were in my kitchen. We weren’t walking along a beach at sun set, though that sure sounded tempting.
“Wanna join in?”
Cassie’s forwardness forced me to break my gaze from Sonny’s face so that I could look at her. She was smiling and her arms were stretched out in front of her, as if she were beckoning him to us. Sonny was wearing a torn expression. He didn’t look like he wanted to be mean, but I knew he wasn’t up for a girly moment.
“Ah, you’re alright. Male testosterone might mess up the thing you have going,” he said, spitting excuses in the nicest way possible.
I felt my smile drop. Even though I’d seen it coming, it still hurt to think that Sonny didn’t want to hug me. I could almost feel tears in my eyes and I looked behind me at the unfinished sandwiches to try and keep them from falling. Stop being so stupid.
“Your loss,” Cassie said. “Harriet’s a great hugger.”
I screwed my eyes shut and blindly stepped back towards the counter. “I’ll just finish making lunch,” I said, hoping Sonny would hear. “You can go and wait for Leanne in the lounge if you want. She shouldn’t be long.” Then I set to work on the lunch again, throwing all of my concentration into making sure that the cheese lined up with the bread. It didn’t really matter, but it stopped me from thinking about rejection. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Cassie standing alone behind me. Sonny was gone.
“Don’t look so down,” she said, dropping back into her seat. “I put him on the spot. He was almost certain to say no.”
I frowned. “Then why did you ask him? To make me look like a mug?”
Cassie opened her mouth to speak before shutting it again and I wondered whether she was deciding if she should point out my use of a Zelda-ism. “I was just being hopeful,” she admitted. “Part of me thought he might go for it.”
“Well he didn’t.” I set the last piece of bread down and stared at the sandwiches. Why couldn’t life be as simple as making a sandwich? There was always an order; Bread. Filling. Bread. Life had loads of crappy curve balls in it, like getting turned down by your crush and feeling a prat about it.
“Oh well.” Cassie sounded over it already and I scowled harder at the chopping board.
“Sucks to be me. Is that it?”
“Course not!”
“Then what?” I asked. A sigh was welling in my throat and I let it out; long and heavy.
“Then we don’t give up. He declined a hug, Harriet. He didn’t say, ‘I don’t like you,’ did he?” She watched me, waiting for my answer. I shook my head. “Exactly. So we try again.”
I shrugged. “How? I can’t ask him for a hug.”
“No. But you can jog his memory. Go talk to him about the LZ magazine thing.”
I gripped the counter. “Why?”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “Jeez’, H. You’re the one with the A’s.”
I smiled.
“If you ask him about the guy who’s coming to watch their gig, not only will Sonny like the fact that you’re interested, but he might remember that he promised you a hug, too.”
Slowly but surely, Cassie’s plan unwound itself in my head and began to make sense. “You know, that could actually work,” I said, an excited smile on my face.
“And that’s why I’m better at helping you than Aiden.” she replied.
“You’re both helpful,” I said.
Cassie opened her mouth to say something but she stopped when I headed for the lounge. Nerves were bubbling in my chest but I knew that if I was going to do it, it had to be sooner or later, before Leanne came back with everyone else.
Sonny was reading the TV listings magazine when I entered the room, immediately followed by Cassie. He looked up when I sat down opposite him and regarded me with a smile. My insides melted but I tried to keep focus.
“So Leanne told me that the editor of LZ magazine agreed to come to your gig.” I took a deep breath to keep myself going. “That’s pretty great.”
Sonny closed the magazine in his lap and shifted in his seat, angling his body towards me. “Yep. I’m dead excited about it.”
I pulled on an enthusiastic smile so he’d see how excited I was too. “Leanne even reckons it could be your big break.”
Sonny laughed and the sound tickled my ears. “Leanne’s so darn sure we’re going to make it. She’s got enough optimism for the whole band.”
“And do you think you’ll make it?” I hoped I didn’t sound like I was interviewing him. I wanted this to be an actual conversation where Sonny could see how well the two of us got on. It was kind of hard though, with Cassie hovering in the background. She was standing by the fireplace, pretending to be studying the photos on the mantle when really I knew she was just being nosy. Though I was glad she was here. I was sure she’d dive into the conversation the moment I was about to crash and burn.
“I’d like to think so.” I turned back to Sonny to see him thumbing a hand across his jaw. I found myself wondering what it would be like to feel stubble on skin before I dragged myself back to reality in case I missed something he said. “It would be a shame to waste a cool band.”
I nodded. “Yeah, totally.” I bit my lip at the thought of sounding too preppy, but Sonny didn’t seem to notice. The look he was giving me was verging on the same as when we’d talked in the club cloakroom a fortnight ago. It seemed longer ago, but the memory of his twinkling eyes and one sided smile was so strong it was as if it was branded in my mind. I held in a sigh, instead, trying to give him my own secret smile.
“Wasn’t it your idea to ring the magazine?”
My heart soared at the realisation that he’d drawn me into the picture. “Uh, yeah. I just told Leanne about the company being down the road. I thought it would be good it they sent someone to the gig. I had no idea that the editor would go, though.”
“It’s nice to know that you want us to succeed.” He sounded genuinely happy and as he fidgeted in his seat again, I imagined him getting up to hug me.
“I know how much it means to Leanne,” I added. “She doesn’t want to do anything else.”
Sonny nodded. He pushed back the hair that had fallen into his face like a guy I’d seen on a perfume advert do once. It was all confident and cool. “Le-le goes on about it enough.” He grinned. “It’s nearly all she talks about when we’re together.”
I could feel myself frowning as I tried to work out who Le-le was, but then it clicked. Cassie had nicknames for me, so why wouldn’t Sonny have one for my sister? Sometimes I forgot that they were best friends.
“Actually, it’s probably ninety percent. The other ten is probably you.”
My eyebrows were definitely puckering now as Sonny’s words jabbed at my brain.
“Oh come on, Harriet. You must know how much Leanne thinks of you.” All my head could focus on was the way his voice made my name sound. “She literally thinks the world of you.”
I felt myself blushing. Leanne was crap at feelings, but to think that she’d told Sonny all about me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. As long as she’d left out all of the embarrassing stuff, that was.
“I never knew,” I replied.
“She even wants you to be in our first real music video,” he added. “She wants you to dance on stage with us. Be a part of the band.”
My mouth almost fell open but I caught myself. I couldn’t hear the sound of Cassie pottering around behind me anymore and when I turned around I saw that she was watching me with her mouth agape. Was it really that shocking that Leanne wanted me to be a part of something that she loved? I mean, we got on great and always had done. The last time we’d fought was when Leanne had eaten the last slice of cake and even that hadn’t been a claws out slanging match. We’d just always gotten on.
“I’d love to do that.” I beamed.
“Great.” Sonny was smiling back at me and I could have stared at his gorgeous face forever if the doorbell hadn’t started ringing out around us. The sound of voices outside was muffled until the letter box opened.
“Harri? Can you let us in, please?”
I laughed at Leanne’s pleading voice before getting up at the same time as Sonny. If the sofas had been any closer together than I would have been inches from his face. My breath caught at the thought.
“I’ll get it,” Cassie said, bolting from the room as if someone had just text her saying that Zelda King was outside.
“Fine then,” I said, looking around the room, anywhere but at Sonny’s face. Seconds ticked by slowly as I scanned the ceiling, walls and carpet.
I practically peed myself when I felt arms around my shoulders. All of a sudden, my head rested in the nook of Sonny’s neck and my senses went into overdrive. The feel of his hands on my back, burning a hole through my hoody. The smell of his cologne. The feel of his leather jacket against my face. I was biting down hard on my lip to keep a girly squeal at bay just as he peeled himself back from me. It was all over too soon. My body felt cold as he stepped away from me.
“Hey,” Leanne said.
I turned to look at her to see that she was wearing a confused expression. I could hear everyone else in the kitchen, tucking into the forgotten sandwiches.
“Hi,” Sonny replied, just as I was about to.
I waved awkwardly, my eyes flitting between Leanne and Sonny, just as he seemed to understand what was going on.
“I was just giving Harriet the hug I owed her,” he explained, breezing over to Leanne and widening the gap between us again. I almost felt like shivering at the sudden loss of his presence.
Leanne nodded and a bright smile appeared on her face at Sonny’s words. “Great. Did you want some lunch? There are sandwiches in the kitchen.”
I didn’t want anything to eat unless it came with a free side of Sonny.
I like her and Aiden too though, haha. 
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