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Young Writers Society


Lessons Learned [ch.1]



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Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:38 pm
captain.classy says...



If you'd like to receive updates to my newest adventure into noveldome, including drawings of the characters and new chapters, plus help me out by making suggestions in the discussion forums, join the club!

Emma Myre was everything. Cute, curvy, smart. Everything. But there would always be something ticking in the back of my mind if I stayed with her, I knew it.
The ticking would be from a clock. This clock was counting down the minimal days to which I had left before Lia found the love of her life and was whisked off to some romantic place like Rome or Greenland with her perfect guy. Well, fuck that. I’m winning.

Lessons Learned

I lifted my fork from the dusty napkin and twisted it on the table. Emma was staring at me, waiting for me to say something, but there just wasn’t anything to say. I didn’t want her anymore. I’m not even sure if I ever wanted here, and I definitely don’t want her now. Does she still want me? Why would she buy me lunch if she didn’t… right? I mean, something about this lunch felt weird, from the second she picked me up from my house.

***

“Aaron, when are you gonna get a damn car? I’m not your fucking taxi service. When we go on dates, you should pick me up. I mean, shit, Aaron. Shit.”
I hadn’t even stepped in the car. I sunk in to her low Nissan Altima and slammed the door.
“Damn you’re such a bitch,” she said, punching the gas and throwing my head into the rest behind me.
“Where are we going?”
She shrugged.
I rolled my eyes. “This was your idea. You should know where we’re going.”
“Yeah, probably. But I just knew that whatever place I picked you’d find something to bitch about. ‘I hate rice,’” she mimicked in a deafening voice. “’Burgers are fattening, beans upset my stomach.’ I mean, where the hell can we even go in this town, Aaron?”
I shrugged. “Let’s just get sushi.” I knew she liked sushi. Anything to get her to just stop talking.
There was silence for a while as light faded in and out of the car. We were driving down one of my favorite streets, where tall oak trees lined the sidewalk and only let in small streams of light through their thick branches. I had tried many times to get Emma to see the beauty in this.
“It’s our one year anniversary next week,” I said.
She nodded, pursing her lips. She really was beautiful. And the sad thing was that her lips were my favorite part, just when they weren’t open.
“Do you know what you’d like to do?”
Emma shook her head.
“I was thinking-“
“Can we just, like, watch a movie or something? I’m not really in to big surprises and stuff.”
I frowned. What was she talking about? She used to yell at me about not surprising and showering her with gifts and trips. Now she didn’t want to do anything?
“Look, if this is about the fight we just had-“
“It’s not! I just don’t want you to get me anything. I don’t want a gift.” She pulled into the parking lot of the sushi restaurant. It had horrible food, but a great view of the Pacific Ocean. We got out of the car and she looked at me over the top. She smiled with half her mouth. “You’ve given me enough, really. I just… I’d rather you save up for a car, you know?”
I smiled. It had been hard commuting to college and back all this time without a car. I had to ride my bike to the bus station, take a half an hour bus ride, and then ride my bike for ten minutes down a deserted highway to reach my small, and very new, digital arts college. A car would be nice.
We joined at the rear bumper and I reached out my hand but she kept walking. I sighed. Emma wasn’t really one for public affection, unless an old high school friend of hers was around.
We walked into the glass-walled restaurant and a friendly-faced Japanese woman led us to our table: second row away from the ocean, but we still had an excellent view of the sun setting behind San Francisco, creating a classic silhouette of the city. It was really romantic. I wanted to hold Emma’s hand, but she kept it under the table, out of reach. Instead of leaving my hand awkwardly on the table, I picked up my fork and started twirling it.
“Do you love me?” I blurted out.
She chocked on the water set down for us at the table. “What?” she asked between coughs, her eyes filling with tears.
“Do you love me?” I repeated, though I knew she understood what I had said.
“Aaron, you told me you wouldn’t-“
“That was four months ago! A quarter of our relationship. You have to be feeling something by now?” Then I said something I instantly regretted. “Please?”
“OH! So now you’re begging me?! What kind of girl do you think I am! Because a man begs for my love means I have to tell him I love him?!”
“No, Emma, you know that’s not what-“
“No, Aaron. I do know.” She rubbed her forehead and looked down at the wood table. “Aaron, I don’t love you,” she said in a soft voice, “And I don’t think I ever will. And I don’t think you really love me. And I don’t want to be your girlfriend anymore.”
It probably should have felt like a bullet going through my heart, and I probably should have felt like crying, but it didn’t really come to that much of a surprise.
“Oh.”
She frowned. “Oh? Oh! That’s it? I break up with you and all you have to say is OH?”
I nodded. “I guess I don’t really want to be with you either.”
She shook her head. “No. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.”
Her voice was steadily raising and people were starting to look at us. “What do you mean?”
“I want you to love me, you dumbass!”
“Why, so you can torture and humiliate me?” I stood up. “Well I’m not gonna give you that Emma!”
She sunk into her chair. “I just wanted you to beg for me. I wanted to know you still cared.”
“I do care about you Emma. I just don’t really like you.”
We stayed there for a while, people waiting to hear what would happen next. The sounds of chopsticks hitting the glass plates were nowhere to be found. Eventually she nodded. “I guess this is one of those life lessons you’re always talking about, huh?”
“Yeah, it is.”
  





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Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:59 pm
Amberchelli says...



WOW!!!!!! Totally starts the book off with a BAM!, if this was a book, i dont think i'd be able to set it down, i just have one confusion
[quote I didn’t want her anymore. I’m not even sure if I ever wanted here, [/quote] shoudn't the last word be her? i know when people are in a rush they dont do fine tuning, i'm a writer too, it just kind of confused me, although i was able to figure out that you meant, her.

Well, otay, i loved it, and let me know when you post the rest of the story.
**Lifes not about playing it safe, its about taking risks, because you never know what you'll find, and living every day to the fullest, because it will never be repeated**
  





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Thu Aug 11, 2011 4:46 am
hockeyfan87 says...



this was reallly good but I agree here should be her. I also think you should describe more. Like what they look like, wear, etc. PM me when you post more (:
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn
  





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Sun Aug 14, 2011 1:00 am
AngelKnight900 says...



Omg.....I swear I reviewed this but oh well. It's hard to keep track and usually the ones I say I will follow are the ones I usually forget to follow unless they keep me updated so please keep me updated. This is actually very good and this reminds me of a friend of mine. He's not a romantic but he can try and his now ex gf reminds me of him too so I was kinda amused because it was like he was fighting himself. Hahaha but anyways...this is good. Keep writing
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Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:42 pm
theotherone says...



Hello there. :)

I'll begin with nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression on your story.
I’m not even sure if I ever wanted her, and I definitely don’t want her now.

I’m not really into big surprises and stuff.”

Shouldn't it be 'into' instead of 'in to'?
I wanted to hold Emma’s hand, but she kept it under the table, out of reach.

This sentence is a little bit weird because at the beginning he's saying he doesn't want her anymore, but he does want to hold her hand and want to know if she loves him... It's kind of contradictory. If that was what you meant, then good, but if not, you might want to make it seem like he's already thinking about something else, not really bothering with her... Giving us the impression that their relationship isn't really what it used to be and it's an afterthought.

The whole thing with Emma... She's a bitch, if you ask me. And maybe that's what you meant for us to feel towards her. Anyways, I feel like the whole relationship was awkward. But it's the first chapter, so I guess I'll see what happens from their. ;)

Otherwise, the story line seems good, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Keep writing!

-Other One.
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466
  





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Fri Aug 19, 2011 8:37 pm
xDudettex says...



Hey classy :)

I really liked this. It was easy to read and well put together. I was able to picture the scenes well and it helped to make the whole thing seem that bit more believable.

Even though this is only the first chapter, we already know a fair bit about the two characters that have been introduced. Aaron seems like a nice enough guy. He goes to a digital arts college and he doesn't drive. He likes another girl but seems to be with Emma for convenience. Maybe 'cause he's hanging onto the hope that it might be something more than it is. But he seems like he wants the other girl anyway. I'm interested to see what else his character has in store :)

Emma seems like a total cow. The part about her not liking pda, but only when her friend's are around described so much in so little words. It was great. I liked how she wanted him to like her so she was the one in charge kind of thing. The one who had the final say in the relationship. I don't really like her :P

I'm sorry I haven't got much to offer in the way of advice, but I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading this. I'll definitely be joining the club :)

xDudettex
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.
  








Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind