z

Young Writers Society


My Messed Up Love Life Chapter One



User avatar
155 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6431
Reviews: 155
Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:08 pm
hockeyfan87 says...



Still not ALL of chapter one

It was the summer day everyone loved: the warm sun beating on your face, your feet dangling into the harbor of the local boat marina. I sat beside my best friend, Alana, and my boyfriend of eight months, Austin. Tomorrow was the first day of our sophomore year at our school, Saint Lebanon United, the local private school. Most of the kids in our town, Lebanon Grove, Maine, went to Saint Lebanon United. It was an upper-class township in which every kid had an iPhone or Droid, where every kid got money for just passing each class. Saint Lebanon United was known for its grades, yet a lot of kids I know are just in SLU because their parents had added enough zeros to the check each month.

“I can’t believe summer is almost over, it seems like just yesterday school got out,” I said, as I dipped my bare feet in the harbor.
“I can’t believe I won’t be going to school with you both this year, it’ll feel so weird going to public school,” Alana said. Her father had lost his job right after school ended, he just got one but he had already dropped her out of SLU and signed her up at public school in case he hadn’t been able to get a job again. She would be going to SLU again next year.

“Just don’t fall in love with those annoying public school boys,” Austin joked, as he entwined our two hands together. The three of us had been best friends for as long as I can remember. Austin and I started dating eight months ago. I don’t really know how it happened, but we were just sitting on the bench waiting for Alana’s shift at work to end and he leaned in to kiss me. It was magical, everything I had ever dreamed my first kiss would be. After that we just tried to pretend it hadn’t happened but then at homecoming he asked me to go with him and we just kind of made it official then.
“Like I could, that would mean getting over Luke, which I am pretty sure will never ever happen,” Alana has this major crush on Luke Billip ever since we were in third grade, honestly I think she could do better so I don’t know why she doesn’t tell him. Not that many girls like him so he would be lucky to have a girl as pretty as her. Alana is one of those girls who thinks they are super ugly and constantly puts themselves down; when in reality I have always been jealous of Alana’s looks. Her wavy, blond hair and bright blue eyes could make any girl jealous. She was also one of those girls who could eat whatever they wanted and not gain a pound, which is why she consistently weighed 115 pounds with her 5’4 frame. Me? I had the most annoying brown hair with some weird colored green eyes and a 5’5 130 frame.

“Alana, I know you have liked him forever but maybe it is time to move on, or tell him how you feel. He could feel the same way,” I said.

“Can we just change the topic? Please,” Alana said, looking down at her phone, “Holy poop, its three o’clock, I have to be at work in ten minutes, I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Now that we are alone,” Austin said, leaning in for a kiss. I still hadn’t got used to the feelings I got whenever he kissed me. He could make me smile just by kissing me.

“Austin,” I said, pulling away from the kiss, “My mom said that since her and my father won’t be home for dinner you can come over and keep me company, that way I don’t have to deal with baby Aliya alone, please?”

“Well if you say it like that, Sofia, I would be honored to. I don’t have to cook though do I?”

“Like I would put anything you cooked in my mouth,” I said, leaning in for another kiss.
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn
  





User avatar
23 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2938
Reviews: 23
Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:37 pm
Gryffindor13 says...



Wow. This was really good! It caught my attention immediatley, which isn't always easy. The description you used was great and the characters seemed real.
hockeyfan87 wrote:“Like I would put anything you cooked in my mouth,” I said, leaning in for another kiss.

This line made me laugh out loud! Love it! Your writing is great!

I can't wait until I read more! Keep writing!!
  





User avatar
1417 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417
Sun Aug 07, 2011 11:01 pm
Noelle says...



Hi there!

I really enjoyed this. It was written very well and the characters are realtable. The three of them actually reminded me of my best friends and me. I had dated my best guy friend for a while (actually about 10 months, pretty close to 8) and we still hung out with my best friend.

The description was great. You described everything that needed to be and you didn't push it by describing too much.

I can't wait to read more! Keep writing :)
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

* * *

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

YWS is life
  








I want to understand you, I study your obscure language.
— Alexander Pushkin