Young Writers Society

This is my contest entry for 'If it were a story,' and the song used for inspiration is When we say (Juice box) by A.J. Rafael.

"Hey, are ya gonna sit there all day?" Alison poked my shoulder.
I stood up slowly, shaking out the sand from between my toes. She smiled at me, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Come on! I'm craving a juice box," she said, stuffing her feet in her sandals. She whirled around, grabbing my hand and yanking me towards the food hut.
"H-hey! Wait up!" I said, almost tripping over a sand pile. Her long hair almost touched my face, blowing gracefully in the wind.
"Two juice boxes, please!" Alison slammed her money on the counter and straightened out her yellow dress.
The man working the hut grunted, taking the money and pulling two juice boxes out of a cooler. She took one, and handed me the other.
"Thanks," I grumbled. We took our place again on the sand, with a clear view of the sun setting over the ocean. She sipped her juice box quietly, beautiful green eyes watching the sunset. I stretched my feet out in front of me, fumbling to open my juice box. Trying to stab the foil with the straw, I ended up hitting myself in my hand. I hissed and subtly tried to rub it.
Alison giggled. "You're so clumsy, Jonathan!" She pulled my hand onto her lap. Somehow, I managed to scrape my skin enough to make it bleed. She gently wiped off the blood, her touch light as a feather.

"It'll be fine," I told her, trying to pull my hand away from her. She looked up at me. Her green eyes froze time, and I forgot about the beach, my bleeding hand, even the sunset, and all I wanted to do was sit here and bask in the warmth of her eyes. She pulled away suddenly, looking down. It was then that I realized that we were about to kiss.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this.." she muttered. I blinked. Her hair fell in front of her face, leaving her expression a mystery.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--" I stammered. She looked up.

"It's fine. I went along with it too, and you know that I'm already taken." She placed my hand on the cooling sand. She watched me silently. I couldn't help but look down. Her eyes were staring into my soul, as if she knew all my secrets. When she finally stood up, I lifted my head to see her leave. As she moved her head away, I saw a tear fall.

"I shouldn't have agreed to come here, Jonathan. But this was wonderful...." Her voice broke, "Thanks..." She ran towards her bicycle. I watched her ride off, away from the sunset, from the beach, and from me. I looked back towards the sunset, the skies now a breathtaking purple. The sunset was truly beautiful, but I could no longer enjoy it. Inside, I felt thorns digging into my heart.

---

Alison peeked her head through my bedroom door. I hadn't seen her until she spoke.

"Hey, I heard you were sick. Your mom let me in," she said quietly, hands behind her back once she walked in.

"Bwah!! What are you doing here?!" I said, desperately hiding myself under the covers. I hadn't taken a shower in two days due to my fever, and I was lying in pajamas.

Her smile wavered, so she settled for pressing her lips together. "You look really pale..." she murmured.

"That's what happens when you don't wear a sweater at midnight, especially during winter," I said, still holding my covers to my neck.

"Well, I hope you get better," she said, and pulled out from behind her back a box of chocolates.

"They're my favorite kind," she added as she handed the box over.

"Thanks," I said, taking the box.

"You're welcome," she said, hesitantly kissing me on the forehead before she left. I stared in wonder as she left my room swiftly.

---

It hurts, you have a boyfriend now. I always thought--no--knew that you had feelings for me. Just like I did. But you can't be with me, because you love him too. This isn't a movie, or a fairy tale, and I can't be with you. You have him, and I'll need to move on, but I love you.

Sighing, I muttered into the empty air, "He better be treatin' you right...."

I finally opened my juice box. I took the box and flipped it upside down, letting the liquid fall into the sand where Alison sat. Using my hurt hand, I pulled some sand over the juice, so that the sand will never be played with, or taken out. Here will the memory of could-have-been forever remain.

"I love you," I said, walking towards my own bike.

Awww, this is so sad for the main character. Although, I really did liked this piece.
I always thought--no--knew that you had feelings for me.
This is the only sentence that made me confused. Otherwise, great job and good luck with the contest!

I really enjoyed this piece! I really liked the part where he says he better be treaten you right. That means he cares about her. It was really sad but I enjoyed it. Hopefully you win the contest and get more popular I'd love to see more of your work! Keep writing!

Ah, that's sad, and cute. Good peice, I really connected with the character. My only thought is that it didn't have enough detail The end was the best with that. I liked how you compared life to a movie. I've never heard the song before, so I don't know if you are a freakin' genious, or if you were just following the lyrics (hehe ). Good job!

Awesooooooommmme!!!

I loved this story!

It was really touching. I liked the fact that it started with the present, went back in time and then came back to the present!

But i think you could have added a little more details you know? LIke maybe make jonathan describe Alison a little more :p ...And himself too by the way.

And just one question: WHAT kind of relationship exactly did he and alison have??

Also when you wrote :

I always thought--no--knew

i think you should have written:
I always thought-no-knew

Like you should've made it only one dash instead of two on each side of the "no" cause that's how it is most of the times in books! (I think)

ANyways i loved it and keeep writing!!