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Young Writers Society


Dianna McKenna



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25 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 340
Reviews: 25
Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:07 am
CharlotteGrace says...



“Dianna, good luck.” That’s the last thing my father said before he got in the car that killed him. He had just dropped me off at my college after a wonderful Thanksgiving at home. My mom died during my birth. It was just the two of us. I waved goodbye to my father, then in high spirits, and went to my dorm room.

It was 10:38 when the police arrived on my welcome mat.

“Are you Dianna McKenna?” The rather pudgy one asked. I nodded stiffly.

“Miss McKenna,” said the taller one. “I’m afraid that your father has been in a terrible car accident.” I shook my head back and forth.

“That can’t be. I just saw him a couple hours ago.” I said.

He ignored me. “Unfortunately, the paramedics couldn’t resuscitate him.”

“What are you saying?” I asked. Pudgy answered.

“Miss McKenna, your father is dead.” His face showed real sadness about what he just said. The other guy was trying to keep it unemotional.
I
just stood there stunned.
* * *
Four days later, the funeral was held. I buried my father next to my mother. Peter Castro and his family stood next to me. He held my hand through the burial. My father hadn’t really any other family.] other than me, but he thought the Castors as extended family.

On the sixth day after my father entered the afterlife, the will was read. My father left the house to the Castros until I finished college. He left Peter his baseball cards and everything in the garage. Some of the other things were handed out to people he had met over the years. “Finally,” stated Mr. Krane, the lawyer, “I give all my money, $903.437.21, to my only daughter, Dianna.” My father ws a published author and his books sold amazingly. I was still amazed that we had that much.

After three months, I left. I used the money dad left and bought a one way ticket to Maine. I ended up in Blessings, Maine. It was a small town on the coast. It was chilly there the first few months I lived there. I bought winter coats and things to keep me warm since I had only decided at the train station where I was going. I rented a house on the coast and got a job at a local bar. The only things I brought with me from home were clothes, my father’s dedicated books to me, and a picture of my parents.
* * *
“Dianna, your order’s up.” Said Sonya, the cook. I was working my shift at McManus Bar.

I grabbed the two hamburgers and put them on my tray. “Here ya go fellas.” I handed Jim, the hardware store owner, and Tim, the fishing store owner, their food. “Need anything else?” they shook their heads and thanked me. It was close to 9 o’clock, and my shift ended at 1. McManus Bar wasn’t as filled as it was usually this time of night.

I gave the check to Tim and Jim and they tipped me handsomely so I gave them a big smile as they left.

“Dianna, love, could you assemble the silverware?” asked Mason, the owner. Mason was a mystery to me. He didn’t really hang out with any of the other men in town except Josh Collonna, the bartender here. I nodded to him and he set the napkins and silverware at the end of the bar. I was onto what felt like my millionth silverware set when a young man came and sat in my section. I glided over to where he sat and was still grinning when I said, “Hello, I’m Dianna, what can I get you?”

“A Budweiser.” He said. I nodded and went to the bar.

“Mason, Budweiser.” He grabbed one from the cooler and took off the cap for me. “Thank you.” He nodded.

“Here you go.” I gave the guy his beer. “Anything else?” He shook his head. I wandered away from him.

“Who’s the hunk?” asked Sonya. She was standing behind me. I glanced back at him. He wasn’t as sexy as Johnny Depp, but he had that ruggedly handsome thing going for him.

“You mean Mr. Personality?” I asked.

“He’s cute, honey. Did he ask you out yet?”

“Sonya, I do not know why you always assume that every guy I come in contact with is going to ask me out.” She always asked that question.

“You kidding me? You got that fire red hair with those curls and that curvy little body. Don’t even get me started on that face of yours with those emerald eyes and those full lips. Honey, where I’m from, your considered a rarity.” Sonya was from Brazil but was raised in Savannah. “So has he?”

“No.” I looked down. “It doesn’t matter anyways. I wouldn’t want to date him anyway.”

“Umm-hmm.” She said.

“What?” I asked and she just laughed.

“Your boyfriend’s looking at you.” She nodded in his direction. I turned around and he sure was.

“Probably wants something.” I muttered and she just laughed more. I hit her arm with my writing pad.I walked over to him. “You need anything else sir?” I asked.

“No, I think I’m good. Could I have the check?” He held out his hand.

I ripped it off my pad and gave it to him. He paid me quickly and left. I gaped at the door. “Did you see that Sonya?” She was already by my side.

“Umm-hmm, honey. How rude! He’ll be back tomorrow.” She walked away but I threw my notepad at her. My aim was so horrible I missed and hit Mason coming out from behind the bar. “Sorry,” I said. He made some manly grunting sound and handed it back to me.
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -Lucille Ball
  





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24 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1267
Reviews: 24
Fri Jul 22, 2011 12:34 pm
CrimsonArrow says...



Definitely a good start. It was enjoyable to read and I hope you write more of it, because I really liked it, and when it ended I said 'Wait, what? How could it end?' See that's something for me because I usually get bored with the first chapter things, so I just go to something else, but I'm really looking forward to you finishing it. Can't wait! So keep writing!
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Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:27 pm
MasterGrieves says...



Please finish it. I would love to see where you- oh hang on. It's part of a novel, isn't it? Well, in that case I will read the other chapters (if you have posted any). I will expect great work. Anyway onto my critique. I really liked how you used that idea of humiliation and feeling like a "weirdo" to relate to the audience. I have Aspergers Syndrome myself, therefore I can relate to this character. Great work.
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Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:02 pm
SophiaBurnette says...



I like where this is going. The beginning is very sad, but that's good because your character has some very realistic emotional baggage, which I'm assuming will come into play later on. I like how you managed to describe what Dianna looks like by using her co-worker, because in first person narratives, describing the main character can be hard. You found a nicely flowing way around this. I look forward to the other chapters. I'm very interested in whether that mysterious fellow at the bar is coming back or not ;)
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Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:09 am
Priceless says...



Heya,
The idea looks nice. But, (in my opinion, don't hate!) I thought the dialogue was a wee bit fake. It sounded too stiff and unrealistic, especially when Sonya was describing Dianna. The compliment was too long and detailed. Could be just me...also the pace of the whole thing was too fast. Maybe, slow it down with a little more description or something?

But good, interesting :)
We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
  








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