Young Writers Society

It had been four months. Four months since that fateful day and since her heart died. It had been sixteen weeks since she discovered she was pregnant and found out that her husband of only a year had been cheating on her.

She was now six months pregnant without her ex-husband knowing. Their divorce had been finalized two months after the incident and throughout that time, she hadn’t told him of her condition knowing that he wouldn’t let her go if he knew.

Allison Cameron was her name now. She refused to keep her ex-husband’s name so now she’s back to being Allison Cameron, divorcee and a single mother. She knew it was unfair that he didn’t know about their child but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him about it. She was afraid, afraid that he might take the child away from her, afraid that he hurts the child. She wasn’t thinking about her welfare but her unborn child’s.

She had a future to think about, a future not only for herself but her child’s as well. She hadn’t told anyone of her condition but she no longer had any choice. She had begun to show a few weeks ago but it was easily hidden through baggy clothes but now, it was impossible. At least, they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anymore.

In the past four months, she barely had any outside contact aside from a few phone calls from her closest friends and family who were worried about her well-being after the whole divorce issue but, other than that, nothing. Her parents had been supportive, though confused at the beginning but once they found out why she wanted a divorce they were behind her all the way, as well as her closest friends: Angela, Michael, Gabriel, Michelle and all her other friends, some of whom knew her since high school, some since kindergarten.

She sat in her room, watching the video of their wedding. As she looked at the happy faces of the couple, she wondered what happened to their relationship, their love. She let the tears fall, not bothering to stop their downpour as she wondered what it would be like if she hadn’t caught him, or if she hadn’t gotten married at all. Her mind was stuck in what ifs and there was nothing she could do.

She had buried her face in the palms of her hands as she sobbed, her shoulders shaking. She didn't notice when her bedroom door opened to reveal a man. She didn't see when his striking blue eyes saddened at the sight of her on the bed, her face tear-stricken, and her eyes puffy and red. She was oblivious to his presence as he raked a hand through his dark locks before walking towards her. He sat on the bed behind her, the mattress dipping slightly from his weight, she didn’t even notice. He embraced her from behind and she gave a startled yelp of surprise. She was suddenly pulled into a broad chest by a pair of strong arms. She stiffened in the man’s hold until she recognized him. She didn’t need to see his face to know who he was.

Michael froze when she stiffened in his arms. His stature relaxed when she leaned her head on his shoulder and he knew she had recognized him. She’d finally calmed down but the tracks that the tears had left on her face was still visible and it hurt him to see her suffer as much as she did. He dragged her backwards until he felt his back hit the headboard. He leaned into it, his grasp on Allison never waning, so that she was lying on his chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” Her voice came after a few moments of silence.

“You obviously didn’t want anyone to know or you would’ve told them personally.” He replied.

“How did you find out?”

“There were a lot of changes in you.”

“But, you didn’t see me that much.”

“The few times were enough to know that something’s going on. You always forget that I’m a doctor.” he said. And that I know you better than you know yourself because I love you. he thought to himself.

They stayed in silence for a long moment, both contemplating the changes that would happen in their relationship because of this revelation. Michael was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the soft snores emitted by the woman he had come to love. He laid her down on the bed, made sure that she was comfortable before he got up and turned off the television. He walked back to the bed and covered her with the blanket then walked out of the room turning off the light as he did.

Hi. :D

This is actually quite nice. The beginning was a bit slow, but near the end it became really sweet.

There were a few nit-picky things that bothered me, though.

It had been four months. Four months since that fateful day. Four months since her heart died. Four months since she discovered she was pregnant. Four months since she found out that her husband of only a year had been cheating on her.

I see where you're going with starting each sentence with "four months" and that's something that I've tried before too, except perhaps with different words and a different context. This time, however, it brutally murders your chapter's flow. All of those sentences are short and choppy, and I feel as if they should be longer. I suggest that you combine some of the idea in a few of those sentences to create longer ones, and that should probably help that issue some.

She was six months pregnant, single and very, very lonely. She had had an interesting pregnancy so far; in her second month she found out that her husband was cheating on her - on the very night of their first anniversary - in her fourth month her divorce was finalized and she was reverted back to her old, single self, and now she was in her sixth month and she was very much alone.

This entire paragraph seems very redundant, seeing as your touched on most of that information already. If I were you, I would probably remove it entirely. It detracts from the story and it's a bland restatement of what we already know.

phone calls from her closest friends and family who was worried

"Was" should be changed to "were" because you're including her friends AND her family.

She sat in her room, watching the video of their wedding.

That's a bland sentence, and it reflects on the imagery of this piece. I feel for the main character, but you could definitely strengthen the emotion of this piece by adding more description and using stronger words.

She had grown and was now beginning to show. At least, they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anymore.

She's 2/3 of the way into her pregnancy. She would have started to show long before this point.

Overall, I think you've got a great piece here. The biggest thing that I would suggest working on is the imagery and characterization, but that's just about it. Thanks for posting this! :)

I'm pretty confused. I liked it, I really did . But is Michael her ex-husband? It doesn't mention his name at all in the first part so how did he just pop in? How do they even meet? Thanks!

Hello there.

I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression of your story.

She was six months pregnant, single and very, very lonely. She had had an interesting pregnancy so far; in her second month she found out that her husband was cheating on her - on the very night of their first anniversary - in her fourth month her divorce was finalized and she was reverted back to her old, single self, and now she was in her sixth month and she was very much alone.

You've already mentioned she was six month pregnant and single quiet a few times. This is kind of getting tedious, so I would recommend you get rid of either the entire paragraph, like Live In The Light said before me... Or just get rid of the parts she says something she already said. Which is pretty much all the paragraph...

In the past four months, she barely had any outside contact aside from a few phone calls from her closest friends and family who were worried about her well-being after the whole divorce issue but, other than that, nothing.

Her bedroom door opened to reveal a man. His striking blue eyes saddened at the sight of her on the bed, her face tear-stricken, and her eyes puffy and red. He raked a hand through his dark locks before walking towards the unsuspecting woman. She had buried her face in the palms of her hands as she sobbed, her shoulders shaking. He sat on the bed behind her, the mattress dipping slightly from his weight, she didn’t even notice. He embraced her from behind, her giving a small yelp in surprise.

She cried. She couldn’t stop. She buried her face in her hands in her desperation to stop the tears from flowing but there was no indication of them stopping so she just kept on sobbing. She kept crying, not knowing that there was someone watching her. She couldn’t focus on anything but the pain, the hurt that her divorce had left her. She didn’t even feel the mattress dip from the weight of another. She gave out a small yelp of shock when she was pulled into a broad chest by a pair of strong arms. She stiffened in the man’s hold until she recognized him. She didn’t need to see his face to know who he was.

I'm confused by this part. The rest of the chapter's in first POV, and this part isn't. So first off, change it so it matches. Second off, did she see the guy? Because the first paragraph make it seem like she did. Also, you kind of repeat it from Allison's POV after, so it might be better just to get rid of it all together? Yeah, I think that would be good.

And that I know you better than you know yourself because I love you. he thought to himself.

Italics is better because it's less confusing.

This chapter was a little bit confusing. She's not mad? I would be mad, if my husband came back after he cheated... I would make him apologize a hundred time, even if it was just to help me with the baby, not come back as a couple. it might just be me, though. I'm hoping we get a little more details in the next chapter.

Keep writing!

-Other One

i loved this one too!! You gonna continue it?