Young Writers Society

In her room Kyla glanced at the silk dress her maid had lain her out and sighed. It was her mothers dress and she was sure her father had intentionally asked her to. It wasn't that she didn't like the dress it was because she purely hated to wear anything feminine. Her thoughts drifted to Tristan, he was so different from his brother. While Raoul was rude and ugly, Tristan was kind and yes quite handsome. With his chiseled features and scar that cut across his eye it made him seem tough yet gentle. There was something about his eyes as well, Kyla had never seen eyes as green as his. It seemed as if there was no bottom to them and you were drowning in some deep dark green sea. What was she thinking, how posteriors. He was her enemy and she intended to keep it that way and would make sure he knew.
She then began removing her cloths that were as ripped and torn as her skin, years of battle could be proved on her very back and body. There was a spiderweb of scars running across her back and around to her breasts. Sometimes she had been lucky to escape and others she was carried out on a knights back. She picked up the dress and stepped into it, its beauty matching hers. A knock made her turn her head.
"Who is it?"
The voice that answered made her heart race in a most unknown way and she scolded herself for her reaction. It was Tristan.
"Come in."
The door opened and he came into her room nearly dropping the gift he had brought her, she was even more lovely dressed in the golden-white dress and to him she looked as if she were an angel.
"I brought you something." he managed and walked to her.
Her eyes met his, "What is it?"
He lifted it out of the handkerchief, Kyla stared at the heart-shaped diamond necklace.
"It was my mothers. Her only wish was that my wife would wear this,she is dead now."
Kyla touched the necklace, her fingers grazing over Tristan's which caused his emotions to spin in chaos.
Unknown of the impact she had over him he remained quiet and watched her look at it.
"Its beautiful. But why are you giving this to me?"
Tristan said nothing only stared at her
"You do realize even though I must become your wife, Iam not in any way that fond of you or your intentions."
"I do not care. You may not love me but I love you."
Kyla looked as if she had been slapped in the face
"You what?"
"Yes, tis true wheater you want me to or not i do."

Very nice. I really can't find anything for you to improve on, but I really like the description and you wrote it well.

In her room Kyla glanced at the silk dress her maid had lain her out and sighed. It was her mothers dress and she was sure her father had intentionally asked her to. (Asked her to what?)It wasn't that she didn't like the dress it was because she purely h.ated to wear anything feminine. Her thoughts drifted to Tristan, he was so different from his brother. While Raoul was rude and ugly, Tristan was kind and yes quite handsome. With his chiseled features and scar that cut across his eye it made him seem tough yet gentle. There was something about his eyes as well, Kyla had never seen eyes as green as his. It seemed as if there was no bottom to them and you were drowning in some deep dark green sea. What was she thinking, how posteriors. (There is no such thing...I think you mean 'preposterous')He was her enemy and she intended to keep it that way and would make sure he knew.
She then began removing her cloths its 'clothes' that were as ripped and torn as her skin, years of battle could be proved on her very back and body. There was a spiderweb of scars running across her back and around to her b.reasts. (Too much description of the scars. )Sometimes she had been lucky to escape and others she was carried out on a knights back. (That doesn't make much sense...(maybe describe more?) She picked up the dress and stepped into it, its beauty matching hers. A knock made her turn her head. (Ok, that went a bit quick. Just stepping into the dress doesn't mean its done up etc...)"Who is it?"
The voice that answered made her heart race in a most unknown way and she scolded herself for her reaction. It was Tristan.
"Come in."
The door opened and he came into her room nearly dropping the gift he had brought her, she was even more lovely dressed in the golden-white dress and to him she looked as if she were an angel.
"I brought you something." he managed (to say) and walked to her.
Her eyes met his, "What is it?"
He lifted it out of the handkerchief, Kyla stared at the heart-shaped diamond necklace.
"It was my mothers. Her only wish was that my wife would wear this,she is now."
Kyla touched the necklace, her fingers grazing over Tristan's which caused his emotions to spin in chaos. ('Which' isn't the right word...more like 'making his emotions etc')Unknown(Uknowing) of the impact she had over him he remained quiet and watched her look at it.
"Its beautiful. But why are you giving this to me?"
Tristan said nothing only stared at her
"You do realize even though I must become your wife, Iam (need a space between I & am) not in any way that fond of you or your intentions."
"I do not care. You may not love me but I love you."
Kyla looked as if she had been slapped in the face
"You what?"
"Yes, tis true wheater ('wheather') you want me to or not (insert comma) i (need capital) do."


Nice story, but I think more description of the characters, where they are, etc (for people who haven't read the first part). I think it would be good after some improvements, and I like the descriptions of Tristans eyes and 'chaotic emotions'