Young Writers Society

***
Ryan Goodwin felt the sun rise, the warmth hitting him like a wave as he continued to work on his Typhoon, chasing off the mechanics as he wanted to work on his angel alone. He had just finished a final check and had put on his flight suit when one of the Brass came up to him, causing Ryan to salute out of instinct. "Captain Goodwin, you are to take up two of the 64th elements girls today on a check out flight. You need the hours and they need them as well. You are to takeoff in 20 minutes, and" he said handing him a folder "You’re going to brief them. Those are their planes," he said, pointing to the Mig-29 and The Fa-18 hornet he was parked between.

Originally, Ryan had been a stunt pilot in shows. He taught by his Grandfather and at age sixteen was performing daredevil moves in light jets. That was how the creators of the 273 Squadron had found him; they had attended one of his shows and immediately recruited him. With his natural skills and flawless test scores, he was a natural choice for the group and as the leader with his level headedness.

Goodwin sighed and nodded "My first mission and it’s a simple check out flight. Oh well, could be worse," he said, turning to continue checking the plane.
***
John had been up for the previous hour, and after taking a shower and going through the boring daily routine he had come to his favorite part, grabbing the bar bolted to the floor he used it to do a handstand to train balance and strength, he began to do push- ups touching his head to the bar before forcing himself up ounce again.

Unlike most of the others who flew in the 64th element, John had never actually flown aircraft when the Brass had recruited him. However, his obsession with flight simulators, tactical mind, and military family record had. Pride, as well as his fast formed friendship with Ryan during training, had led to the seventeen year old to signing on.
***
Ciara's eyes snapped open. Checking her watch, she got up and quickly made her bed in military fashion. After making sure that it was perfect, she dressed in her pilot gear. Grabbing her helmet, she reported to the hanger where her commanding officer was waiting. "I want you to tag in on the check flight," he said. "It will be good for you to get some experience flying with them. They leave in thirty minutes."

Although her test scores had not been the highest, Second Lieutenant Lorenzi had been chosen for the squadron because of her fierce determination. She had been raised as an only child by her mother, who had built the Italian military into a major Mediterranean power, and thus learned enough about air craft to pass. The girl had also learned basic aircraft engineering.

Saluting smartly, she headed for her SU-30. With a smile, she ran through the check list twice. Everything was up to stat, as it should be. After all, she did do most of the maintenance herself.
***
John arrived at the hangar two minutes behind everyone else. "How do the planes look today, sir?" he asked with his thick English accent, he spotted the other pilots. "Great day for a round trip, eh chaps?"

"It's fair weather, and the wind is light," Ciara responded checking her controls. "So it's good enough for me. You ready to fly?"

“I’d be up for flying in a hurricane with this piece of equipment,” he said crawling into the modified cockpit of the F-15 strike eagle. "Can you keep up?" he asked playfully over the radio dialing in his instrument panel and preparing to taxi.

"Of course," she responded, climbing into her cockpit. Strapping in, she checked her radio transmitter and prepared to take off.
Goodwin smiled as the Typhoon became the first aircraft to roar to life on the flight line. He switched to ground frequency and radioed Westford "Oi, morning Westford. You tagging along for the flight too I see." he said as he taxied his plane past the hangars, smiling big as he pulled onto the taxi way.

"All aircraft of the 273rd report in. This is flight lead Goodwin, call sign Hawkeye." he radioed as he looked back at the group. "All aircraft are to keep up with us or be ready for a stern bitching from the brass when we get back, god forbid" he joked.

Being sure he was ready to roll, John watched them take the kick stops out and he hit the startup switch taxiing to the end of the runway."Well then I hope they upgraded that subsonic relic your flying," he said before switching to the tower, "Maveric, reporting in and ready for takeoff and test flight, on runway 1."

"We'll do a few flyby's while they try to get up. Oh and I forgot to tell you, that 'Relic' got modified to carry a single F-15E engine, so it may be a little faster than you think" he radioed on the private frequency.
Ryan looked back at Maverick, who was on his left wing "Ah, Maverick, think we can show those two from the 64th how to do a formation take off?" he said, hands poised over the throttle as they received clearance.

"Reporting in, Hawkeye," Ciara radioed in, as her jet roared to life. "Call sign Snowstorm. Good luck leaving me behind."

He radioed back "Oh just one, this strike eagle has two, oh well it's a bigger plane and they cant be that good, lets smoke 'em as you yanks say," he said waiting for him to let off the brakes so he could.

He released the brakes, the Typhoon blasted off, accelerating quickly as he made sure maverick's eagle was there, and it was. "Well its funny really, a Yank flying a RAF fighter and a Brit Flying an Eagle." he said as he pulled up at a shallow angle to keep from shooting up to altitude, instead, he pulled the gear up and made a sharp turn to over fly the hangar, twisting to watch maverick "YEEE HAW!" he yelled on the open channel so the girls would notice.

"Are you two going to chitchat all day," Ciara asked, some what impatiently. "Or are you going to fly?"
She was ready and itching to go. Flying was second nature to her now, and most of the time she spent was either on or in her plane. Radioing the leader, she asked, "Hawkeye, you ready to go?"

Ryan laughed and put on his leader voice "Very unobservant, snowstorm. Look up" he said as they flew past her plane at only 750 feet.

"Hmm she cant keep up, just like I said. I can go lower," he said getting a few feet closer to her plane as he rolled in for his own fly by before barrel rolling and pushing the stick don while he was inverted sending him nearly straight up.

“D_" the second luietenant cursed, pulling up higher. Switching to full pilot mode, she brought her craft up with the others. Relaxing slightly, she waited for further instructions. "Nice try, but I can still stay with you. I'm not that much of a rookie."

As Ryan leveled off, he radioed to Westford and the girl. "Form up you two, we have another on her way up." he said, rolling into the lead spot next to Westford "We are a team, so don’t d**k around trying to see if you can lose someone." he said, now in his Captain mode.

When he got like this, he was hard to joke with. He was tasked with taking these people to war, and this flight was far more than just a little trip. He would have to test them in accordance with HQ's wishes. "Snowstorm, take the third spot off my left wing" he called, watching the SU-30 pull up to altitude.

"Affirmative," Ciara said, moving into position. It was fairly smooth flying, with a slight SSE wind. I hope they don't get any ideas, she thought. I may be the only girl right now, but I can still fly with the best of them.
***
Miu arrived late seeing everyone already there. "Lets go." she said getting in the Single Seat jet Fighter. "We're already off schedule so we need to catch up." she told her crew as she took off.

Raised as a general’s daughter in the Japanese military, Miu Tenaka always figured that she would end up in the military, but she never suspected that she would end up flying in an elite squadron composed of several nations. She had learned to fly, but never received her license because of sexism. When the recruiters had arrived, they had selected her for her quick style and ability to think under pressure.

Finally, Miu was up and going in the Mikoyan MiG-29. She signaled for Ryan. "Hawkeye I’m up and going where are you?" she asked.
***
John got into formation next to Ciara, behind Ryan as he switched to his private line." What do you say I test her nerves?" he said indicating he wanted to try something difficult.

"Negative Maverick," he said "Break formation and retrieve Tanaka." he said, sighing. He radioed, switching to Lorinzi's frequency. "Snowstorm, we will practice simple one on one manuevers. Watch your self and keep your head on a swivel, copy?"

"Sounds good Hawkeye," Ciara replied, breathing a sigh. This would be fairly simple, provided she paid attention. Personally though, she wondered which ones they would be.

"Affirmative, mate, just wanted to have some fun" John said pulling off and heading back for the other pilot. "Eagle are you there this is Maverick, report in."

"Got it Hawkeye," Miu radioed to Ryan. "Now where should I head hawkeye?"

"Just follow Maverick. We will all meet later. Maverick, test her to see what she’s got," he radioed.

"Okay, Snowstorm, En Garde!" Ryan yelled as he engaged his airbrake, rolling the typhoon so that their cockpits nearly touched as he was quickly on her six, activating the 20mm gunsight and aiming to her left. "Now, please...show me you can fly" he whispered as he let a stream of bullets blaze past her cockpit, surprised at how they could make simulated rounds look so real.

Rolling right, Ciara brought her plane level before gunning it. When she'd gotten enough distance, she pulled up into a three quarter loop before flipping right side up. Roaring at him, she peppered his plane with bullets.

“Thank you Brits for the agility,” he whispered as he shot the plane up at a 90 degree angle, watching a round scratch a horizontal stripe in the paint of his nose "Very impressive, but you are still a rookie." he said to himself as he released the airbrake and dove down to a canyon below, knowing that it would be suicidal to do so, but he had faith in his plane, and now had faith in this girl as well.

Pulling a loop around, she followed him. Her mind was completely focused on flying, so much that she didn't hear his comment until a few seconds after he'd said it. "A rookie, huh?" she said. "I highly doubt a rookie could live through this." The canyon was steep, but she had a plane made for speed and agility.

"And still unobservant," he said, having secretly formed a loop, now heading right for her. The canyon was too small to pull down to avoid a collision, and too narrow to turn or bank, so the only way out was up. He toggled the laser tag like rockets and fired a barrage right where she would enter the canyon as he held the throttle at full.

"What-Schisms!" she cursed, realizing that she could only go up. Pulling up as far as her plane could take; she gunned it to avoid the missiles and him. Her plane was fast, but this was pulling it close.

He watched her streak into the sky, smiling as he gave chase, remembering the SU-30 had a slower rate of climb and could not keep it up past 25,000 feet as he tailed her, awaiting her next move "Okay Lorinzi, you got me. You are a damned fine pilot," he radioed as he toggled a heat seeker and aimed at her tail pipe as the AIM 9 followed her trail, dying out as it sent the electronic 'Kill' signal to all. "You were excellent." he whispered.

"Thank you, sir," she responded with a smile, pulling level. "I try not to screw up too bad. By the way, I never expected you to bait me like that into the canyon."

"It was a split second decision, but I was amazed at how fast you acted. Very impressive," the captain said, rolling his plane upside down and looking down as their cockpits were only feet from each other. "Very nice." he said as the rolled level.

Ciara smiled up at him as she held level. "Thank you," she said once more. "Out of curiosity, what would you have done if I hadn't followed you?"

He smiled inwardly. "Ahh, now that’s a mark of a good pilot, asking questions about what may have been so you can have future reference. Make ya' a deal. Lets discuss it over dinner tonight?" he said as he firewalled the throttle, blazing ahead and rolling down to the 3000 foot holding pattern. "Hawkeye to Shimori tower, requesting landing clearance runway Zero Nine (09)." he called. In minutes the tower radioed back. "Hawkeye cleared to land, Runway 09."

Ciara circled twice to give him enough time, before radioing in and landing. Maneuvering the plane into the hanger, she got it into the spot almost perfectly. Shutting off her engine, she lifted the visor to her helmet before raising the cockpit top.

Welcome, NightsDreamer! *does the New Member Welcome Jig* Very nice to meet you!

This piece was interesting. The plot sounds intriguing-- all this war mixed with romance and whatnot.

Now onto the critiquing! My comments will be bolded.


11-07-2009
0800- Shimori Air Base, Tokyo Japan. 7th Special Air forces HQ

There were many who thought that world war three was just a joke, others thinking it would end the world. Now, the world is on the verge of this event, the weight of billions of lives resting on one group.

[I think it would be best to capitalize "World War Three."]

The world powers had been at ends, arguing and fighting in plitical battles until China finally erupted, pouring into Korea, Vietnam, Thailand and other countries, taking over their governments and aiming its guns to the east to Europe and to the north at Russia. Now, the U.S and Europe, as well as the Japanese, have set up a special force, the U.P.F, United Peace Front, to stop the Chinese government through Special Forces interdiction. The U.S has taken control of the group, with the 7th Special Air Forces Command

From various countries, 6 special children have been brought to Shimori air base...they will be the soultion...They are the Heart Breakers. A new squadron in the 7th SAFC who have been tested to have piloting skills rivaling the best adult military flyers

[1)One thing to remember about numbers in literature: If the number is twenty or less, you should spell it out, as in "six."

2)The ellipses above are unnecessary, I think. Make the bolded part its own sentence.

3)You're missing a period at the end there.]

Despite their duties, they are still kids...and throughout training, they begin to develop feelings for each other, sometimes giving them a reason to fight, at times hindering them....But will love, or duty, come first.
***

[In the bolded section, you do something odd with ellipses again. I think you should put a comma between "kids" and "and" instead.

Your last sentence is a question, right? In that case you should change that period to a question mark.

Okay, about this whole first part: It feels very much like infodumping. Infodumping is basically putting in a bunch of information that the reader needs to know in one big lump, to get it out of the way. This is bad, because you want your opening to catch the reader's attention and draw them into the plot. Instead, we're getting backstory.

Also, this bit sounds a bit like the kind of summary you would find on the back cover of a novel. I think you could do one of two things with this:

1) You could make this into a prologue, possibly making it a little more detailed and interesting.

2) You could get rid of it altogether. One thing that really great authors are able to do is to take information that the reader needs to know and disperse it throughout the story. A reader will sometimes be more interested if there's a bit of mystery at first. Instead of putting it all at the beginning, you could have the characters think about or discuss the war during the story, revealing things to us as we read.]


Jamie's eyes snapped open just as the sun was coming over the horizon. She was used to this though, having to do it for years. She got out of bed and got ready quickly, then made her bed so there were no flaws. She checked it a couple of times to make sure there were no wrinkles, once satisfied she waited for the others to get up.

[Here you have a case of comma splice. The part after the comma should be a new sentence.]

Ryan felt the sun rise, the warmth hitting him like a wave as he continued to work on his Typhoon, chasing off the mechanics as he wanted to work on his angel alone. He had just finished a final check and had put on his flight suit when one of the Brass came up to him, causing Ryan to salute out of instinct. "Captain Goodwin, you are to take up two of the 64th elements girls today on a check out flight. You need the hours and they need them as well. You are to takeoff in 20 minutes, and" he said handing him a folder "You’re going to brief them. Those are their planes" he said, pointing to the Mig-29 and The Fa-18 hornet he was parked between.

[I like the bit where he calls his plane his "angel." It makes Ryan feel more like a real person.]

Goodwin sighed and nodded "My first mission and Its a simple check out flight....oh well, could be worse" he said, turning to continue checking the plane.

["Oh" should be Capitalized, and a space added before it.]

Jon had been up for the previous hour, and after taking a shower and going through the boring daily routine he had come to his favorite part, grabbing the bar bolted to the floor he used it to do a handstand to train balance and strength, he began to do push- ups touching his head to the bar before forcing himself up ounce again.

Ciara's eyes snapped open. Checking her watch, she got up and quickly made her bed in military fashion. After making sure that it was perfect, she dressed in her pilot gear. Grabbing her helmet, she reported to the hanger where her commanding officer was waiting. "I want you to tag in on the check flight," he said. "It will be good for you to get some experience flying with them. They leave in thirty minutes."

[Okay, I must say, this first part is quite confusing. You skip around to several different characters. You change the focus a lot without really making it cohesive and fluid. Instead it feels a little choppy.]

Saluting smartly, she headed for her SU-30. With a smile, she ran through the check list twice. Everything was up to stat, as it should be. After all, she did do most the maintenance herself.

John arrived at the hangar two minutes behind everyone else. "How do the planes look today, sir?" he asked with his thick English accent, he spotted the other pilots. "Great day for a round trip, eh chaps?"

It's fair weather, and the wind is light," Ciara responded checking her controls. "So it's good enough for me. You ready to fly?"

“I’d be up for flying in a hurricane with this piece of equipment,” he sad crawling into the modified cockpit of the F-15 strike eagle. "Can you keep up?" he asked playfully over the radio dialing in his instrument panel and preparing to taxi.

[I think you mean "he said," right? ]

"Of course," she responded, climbing into her cockpit. Strapping in, she checked her radio transmitter and prepared to take off.

Goodwin smiled as the Typhoon became the first aircraft to roar to life on the flight line. He switched to ground frequency and radioed Westford "Oi, morning Westford. You tagging along for the flight too i see." he said as he taxied his plane past the hangars, smiling big as he pulled onto the taxi way :"All aircraft of the 273rd report in. This is flight lead Goodwin, call sign Hawkeye." he radioed as he looked back at the group. "All aircraft are to keep up with us or be ready for a stern bitching from the brass when we get back, god forbid" he joked

[I think that bit needs to be a new paragraph. Also, you forgot your period a the the end of that last sentence, and an uncapitalized "I" snuck into the bolded quote.]

Being sure he was ready to roll, he watched them take the kick stops out and he hit the startup switch taxiing to the end of the runway."Well then I hope they upgraded that subsonic relic your flying," he said before switching to the tower, "Maveric , reporting in and ready for takeoff and test flight, on runway 1"

"Reporting in, Hawkeye," she radioed in, as her jet roared to life. "Call sign Snowstorm. Good luck leaving me behind."
Ryan looked back at maverick, who was on his left wing "Ah, maverick, think we can show those two from the 64th how to do a formation take off?" he said, hands poised over the throttle as they received clearance.

[I think this was supposed to be "Maveric"-- capitalized and without the "k" like above, correct? If so, you need to change this one an all the other "mavericks" that show up later to "Maverics."]

"We'll do a few flyby's while they try to get up. Oh and I forgot to tell you, that 'Relic' got modified to carry a single F-15E engine, so it may be a little faster than you think" he radioed on the private frequency.
He radioed back "Oh just one, this strike eagle has two, oh well it's a bigger plane and they cant be that good, lets smoke 'em as you yanks say," he said waiting for him to let off the brakes so he could.

He released the brakes, the Typhoon blasted off, accelerating quickly as he made sure maverick's eagle was there, and it was. "Well its funny really, a yank flying a RAF fighter and a Brit Flying an Eagle." he said as he pulled up at a shallow angle to keep from shooting up to altitude, instead, he pulled the gear up and made a sharp turn to over fly the hangar, twisting to watch maverick "YEEE HAW!" he yelled on the open channel so the girls would notice

"Are you two going to chitchat all day," Ciara asked, some what impatiently. "Or are you going to fly?"
She was ready and itching to go. Flying was second nature to her, and most of the time she spent was either on or in her plane. Radioing the leader, she asked, "Hawkeye, you ready to go?"

Goodwin laughed and put on his leader voice "Very unobservant, snowstorm. Look up" he said as they flew past her plane at only 750 feet

[Missing a period at the end there.]

Miu arrived late seeing everyone already there. "Lets go." she said getting in the Single Seat jet Fighter. "We're already off schedule so we need to catch up." she told her crew as she took off.

[That should be a comma instead of a period.]

"Hmm she cant keep up, just like I said, I can go lower," he said getting a few feet closer to her plane as he rolled in for his own fly by before barrel rolling and pushing the stick don while he was inverted sending him nearly straight up.

[More comma splice. Make "I can go lower" a separate sentence.]

“D_" she cursed, pulling up higher. Switching to full pilot mode, she brought her craft up with the others. Relaxing slightly, she waited for further instructions. "Nice try, but I can still stay with you. I'm not that much of a rookie."

As Ryan leveled off, he radioed to Westford and the girl "Form up you two, we have another on her way up." he said, rolling into the lead spot next to Westford "We are a team, so don’t d**k around trying to see if you can lose someone." he said, now in his Captain mode.

When he got like this, he was hard to joke with. He was tasked with taking these people to war,, and this flight was far more than just a little trip. He would have to test them in accordance with HQ's wishes. "Snowstorm, take the third spot off my left wing" he called, watching the SU-30 pull up to altitude"

[Delete a comma.]

He got into formation next to her behind him as he switched to his private line." What do you say I test her nerves?" he said indicating he wanted to try something difficult.

[This part is a bit confusing. Maybe you should make it "next to her and behind him."]

Miu was up and going in the Mikoyan MiG-29. She signaled for Ryan. "Hawkeye, I’m up and going where are you?" she asked.

"Affirmative," Ciara said, moving into position. It was fairly smooth flying, with a slight SSE wind. I hope they don't get any ideas, she thought. I may be the only girl right now, but I can still fly with the best of them.

"Negative Maverick" he said "Break formation and retrieve Tanaka." he said, sighing "Tanaka, your call sign is now Eagle." He radioed, switching to Lorinzi's frequency. "Snowstorm, we will practice simple one on one manuevers. Watch your self and keep your head on a swivel, copy?"

"Sounds good Hawkeye," she replied, breathing a sigh. This would be fairly simple, provided she paid attention. Personally though, she wondered which ones they would be.

" Affirmative, mate, just wanted to have some fun" he said pulling off and heading back for the other pilot. "Eagle are you there this is maverick, report in"

"Got it Hawkeye." Miu radioed to Ryan. "Now where should I head hawkeye?"

"Just follow maverick. We will all meet later. Maverick, test her to see what she’s got" he radioed. "Okay, snowstorm, En Garde!" he yelled as he engaged his airbrake, rolling the typhoon so that their cockpits nearly touched as he was quickly on her six, activating the 20mm gunsight and aiming to her left. "Now, please...show me you can fly" he whispered as he let a stream of bullets blaze past her cockpit, suprised at how they could make simulated rounds look so real

Rolling right, Ciara brought her plane level before gunning it. When she'd gotten enough distance, she pulled up into a three quarter loop before flipping right side up. Roaring at him, she peppered his plane with bullets.

“Thank you brits for the agility,” he whispered as he shot the plane up at a 90 degree angle, watching a round scratch a horizontal stipe in the paint of his nose "Very impressive, but you are still a rookie." he said to himself as he released the airbrake and dove down to a canyon below, knowing that it would be suicidal to do so, but he had faith in his plane, and now had faith in this girl as well.

[I think that should be "Brits" with a capital "b."]

Pulling a loop around, she followed him. Her mind was completely focused on flying, so much that she didn't hear his comment until a few seconds after he'd said it. "A rookie, huh?" she said. "I highly doubt a rookie could live through this." The canyon was steep, but she had a plane made for speed and agility.

"And still unobservant" he said, having secretly formed a loop, now heading right for her. The canyon was too small to pull down to avoid a collision, and too narrow to turn or bank, so the only way out was up. He toggled the laser tag like rockets and fired a barrage right where she would enter the canyon as he held the throttle at full.

[You're missing a comma after "unobservant."]

"What-Schisms!" she cursed, realizing that she could only go up. Pulling up as far as her plane could take, she gunned it to avoid the missles and him. Her plane was fast, but this was pulling it close.

He watched her streak into the sky, smiling as he gave chase, remembering the SU-30 had a slower rate of climb and could not keep it up past 25,000 feet as he tailed her, awaiting her next move "Okay Lorinzi, you got me, you are a damned fine pilot" he radioed as he toggled a heat seeker and aimed at her tail pipe as the AIM 9 followed her trail, dying out as it sent the electronic 'Kill' signal to all . "You were excellent" he whispered

"Thank you, sir," she responded with a smile, pulling level. "I try not to screw up too bad. By the way, I never expected you to bait me like that into the canyon."

"It was a split second decision, but I was amazed at how fast you acted, very impressive." he said, Rolling his plane upside down and looking down as their cockpits were only feet from each other "Very nice" he said as the rolled level.

[1) "Very impressive" should be it's own sentence, otherwise you're splicing again. Also, you need a comma instead of a period to close your quote.

2) This quote doesn't have any punctuation at all.]

She smiled up at him as she held level. "Thank you," she said once more. "Out of curiosity, what would you have done if I hadn't followed you."

[That bit's a question, and therefore needs a question mark. ]

He smiled inwardly "Ahh, now that’s a mark of a good pilot, asking questions about what may have been so you can have future reference. Make ya a deal. Lets discuss it over dinner tonight?" he said as he firewalled the throttle, blazing ahead and rolling down to the 3000 foot holding pattern "Hawkeye to Shimori tower, requesting landing clearance runway Zero Nine (09)." he called. In minutes the tower radioed back. "Hawkeye cleared to land, Runway 09."

[You need a period after "holding pattern."]

Ciara circled twice to give him enough time, before radioing in and landing. Maneuvering the plane into the hanger, she got it into the spot almost perfectly. Shutting off her engine, she lifted the visor to her helmet before raising the cockpit top.


[Overall, this piece was a little confusing. You introduced a lot of characters at once, instead of gradually, so we don't really know anything about them. This is a bit bothersome, because we immediately have to learn a lot of names. I think this might be a more effective if you introduced the characters a little more beforehand. I also think you might benefit from using third person limited point of view, but that's just my opinion. If you can just spread out the action a little bit and insert more character thoughts and emotions, I think this will be a lot less confusing.

Another thing to watch is your grammar. I think if you just spell-check this and do a read-through, you'll catch some more mistakes I didn't mention, and be able to make this more fluid.]

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Look forward to seeing you around YWS!

Love,

Haley

Thanks for the review. This is my first entry on here, and it was converted from email, chat, and l33t speech. Your commentary gave me the idea to narrow it down to four pilots to keep it from getting too confusing, and add in a bit of their backgrounds when you first meet them. So thanks for all you time and I hope you like the revised version!